“Dad, why do they keep calling me Malfoy?” my son asked, his voice small, confused, and hurt. The kids at church had been teasing him, and it was starting to wear on him. He couldn’t understand why the students at school—or even the kids at the park—seemed kinder than the ones he saw every Sunday at church.
For all of Noah’s childhood, I’ve served in Chinese churches. And Noah, who is not Chinese, has always stood out. One of the kids must have just seen Harry Potter and decided that Noah looked like Draco Malfoy. He didn’t, but compared to the other kids at church that day, he probably did look the most like him.
I wish I could tell you I responded with compassion, pointing him to Jesus with gentleness and wisdom. But the truth is, it was so long ago that I don’t even remember what I said. Most likely, I just told him to shake it off and not worry about it.
But I know that won’t be the last time he wrestles with the gap between how Christians should act and how they actually behave. One day—maybe after a rough night at youth group, or after hearing something heartbreaking about a well-known Christian leader—he might look at me again and ask, “Dad, why do so many Christians act like hypocrites?”
And when he does, I want to be ready.
Hypocrisy is always disappointing—but when it comes from Christians, it wounds more deeply. It’s one thing to see brokenness in the world; it’s another to find it in the church.
Kids aren’t blind to this. Whether it’s unkindness among peers, harshness from authority figures, or the moral failure of a public Christian leader, they’ll eventually see it and feel it. Our job as parents isn’t to shield them from it—it’s to help them understand it through the lens of Scripture and the hope of the gospel.
So why do so many Christians act like hypocrites?
First, the church is full of sinners. Everyone who belongs to Jesus has been justified, but none of us have been perfected. We are still prone to selfishness, insecurity, fear, pride. That doesn’t excuse sin. But it reminds us that failure—even repeated failure—doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s faking their faith. Sometimes, it just means they’re still growing. Peter himself denied Christ. Not once. Three times. And yet Christ restored him.
Second, it’s because not everyone in the church knows Christ. Sometimes the Christians we think are acting like hypocrites aren’t Christians at all. Scripture is clear: not all who claim the name of Christ truly know him.Jesus warned that some would say “Lord, Lord” and still be far from him (Matt. 7:21–23).
Churches can be filled with cultural Christians, religious performers, even wolves in sheep’s clothing. While it’s not our place to judge hearts, we shouldn’t be surprised when the fruit doesn’t match the confession. When Christians cause harm or bring scandal, it doesn’t mean the gospel has failed. It may mean the gospel was never truly received.
Lastly, it’s easier to appear godly than to actually be godly.
We live in a world that teaches us to curate versions of ourselves. There is no better example of this than social media. We stitch together highlight reels on Instagram and Facebook to make our lives look perfect. We use apps to filter out the flaws and present the image we want others to see. That instinct to perform? It doesn’t disappear when we walk into church. In fact, it can get baptized and dressed up in Bible language.
But Jesus isn’t impressed with appearances. He had no patience for religious performance. He rebuked the Pharisees not just for bad theology, but for pretending to be something they weren’t:
“You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence” (Matt. 23:25).
Hypocrisy thrives when the outside looks religious but the inside remains untouched. That’s not faith—that’s a costume.
Jesus sees and Jesus knows.
What I want my son to understand is that Jesus sees through all of it. He doesn’t ignore the gap between our words and our hearts. He names it, exposes it, and he doesn’t leave us there. He invites us to real transformation—not performance, but repentance. Not pretense, but surrender.
Someday if my son asks why Christians act like hypocrites, I won’t make excuses.
I’ll tell him the truth.
I’ll say, “You’re right to feel that tension. It’s painful when people who claim to love Jesus act like they don’t. It’s wrong when Christians bully, gossip, or manipulate. It’s especially ugly when it happens in the church, where love is supposed to be the mark of who we are.”
But I’ll also tell him something else.
I’ll say, “This is why we need Jesus—not just once, but every day. The church is not made up of perfect people. It’s made up of forgiven sinners who are still learning how to walk in grace. And that includes your dad.”
Parents, when your child starts seeing the cracks in the church, don’t panic. Don’t deflect. Let that moment become an invitation to exalt the person of Christ.
Remind them:
- Only Jesus is perfectly consistent. He never acted out of character, never lied, never manipulated.
- Jesus calls out hypocrisy and calls us to repentance. He doesn’t tolerate masks; he tears them off in love.
- Following Jesus means living in the light. When we sin, we confess. When we see hypocrisy, we grieve. When we fail, we return to grace.
Despite all of this—despite the pain, the failures, the inconsistencies—I still love the church. Not because it’s flawless, but because Jesus hasn’t given up on it.
Every week I see believers quietly loving their neighbors, forgiving their enemies, serving with joy, and growing in holiness. The real story of the church isn’t just scandal. It’s sanctification. Slow, steady, often unseen—but real.
When our kids see hypocrisy, let’s help them look deeper—not to ignore sin, but to see the faithful, ordinary, grace-dependent Christians all around them. Above all, let’s help them fix their eyes on Jesus.
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