With the easy accessibility of our modern world, teenagers face constant comparison. Our kids are constantly bombarded with influencers, advertisements, and friends portraying pictures of the good life all over their social media profiles. As a result, being “ordinary” no longer seems like an option. This is especially true when it comes to distinguishing oneself from the pack when thousands and thousands of resumés are sitting on the admissions committee’s desk.
While conversations of social media comparison can feel disembodied (but nonetheless very real), the pressure of the college admissions process can feel quite tangible. Caravanning from sports practices to extracurricular clubs only to get home after dark and still work on homework and study for exams to maintain a 4+ GPA is not only spiritually and emotionally, but physically exhausting.
There is more to a teenager’s flourishing than their college resumé could ever reflect.
Maybe the answer to our teenagers’ anxiety, loneliness, and self-image is not more accomplishment, but more rest. Perhaps “excelling” actually looks like just being a “regular” Christian. Or to put it in Biblical terms, to “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs” (1 Thess. 4:10). We see this message throughout the Bible, but I want to focus on one (maybe unexpected) passage.
A Lesson From Stephen
In Acts 6, we read about Stephen, the first Christian martyr. Stephen, “a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 6:5), and five others were appointed as deacons to work the tables so that the Apostles could devote themselves to prayer and the ministry of the Word.
While we may think of serving tables as a menial task, the following verses show us that Stephen’s ministry was anything but monotonous. On top of his table service, Stephen was also performing great wonders and signs among the people. He was “full of grace and power” (Acts 6:8). He spoke so boldly to the people about the gospel of Christ that some of the Synagogue leaders instigated a conspiracy against him.
The leaders placed false witnesses in the crowds who accused Stephen of speaking blasphemy against God and his law. On account of these accusations, they brought Stephen before the council, where he was made to testify before the High Priest.
Rather than tuck his tail before the council, Stephen recounts the entire history of the Old Testament, showing how the Jewish people refused to listen to the Word of God through his prophets. Rather than submitting to the false accusation of the council, Stephen lofts an accusation of his own at them. “You stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ears, you always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers did, so do you” (Acts 7:51).
No sooner had Stephen closed his mouth when the council rushed at him, seized him, and took him outside the city to stone him. As they rushed him, Stephen, “full of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 7:55), looked up and beheld a different council. He saw the Son of Man standing at the right hand of the Father in Heaven.
The posture here is important. Typically, the Son of Man is depicted sitting at the right hand of the Father, but as Luke records this event, he is showing us the great irony. As the council sits to accuse Stephen, Jesus stands to accept Him. As Stephen falls to the ground under the stones being cast at him, the Son of Man stands to lift him up to eternal life.
While the council has the appearance of authority, the heavens open to show us where the real council is held. The court of man may sit to accuse God’s people, but the council of Heaven stands to welcome them home.
Then, in the midst of the stoning, Luke makes a passing comment. “And the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a young man named Saul” (Acts 7:58). Saul/Paul, who later becomes the protagonist of the second half of Acts and the author of the majority of the New Testament letters, approves of and presides over the stoning of the first Christian martyr.
A Cruciform Resumé
While most of our kids do not face the same level of scrutiny or persecution that Stephen did, his story can inspire us to seek affirmation from God rather than from those who evaluate our performance in human terms. Following are three observations as we teach or share this passage:
First, Stephen is not recorded as a big-time name in the early church. He is not an Apostle. He doesn’t have a book of the Bible dedicated to him. We are introduced to him not because of his excellence, but because of his service. Even so, the Lord used him in a mighty way to further the advancement of the gospel. Our children can learn from Stephen that the extraordinary aspects of the kingdom of God are often found in ordinary faithfulness.
Second, Luke is careful in how he frames the narrative. While the council falsely calls him a blasphemer, Luke describes Stephen as “full of the Holy Spirit,” (Acts 6:5), “full of grace and power” (v. 8), and that he speaks with “wisdom and the Spirit” (v. 10). Luke’s point is this: Stephen’s identity is so wrapped up in his relationship to God that even as the council’s rejection of him comes flying in the form of physical stones, he can look past his circumstance to the very throne room of Heaven, where he finds vindication and acceptance by the accomplished work of Jesus. Teenagers can learn from Stephen that even should every man-made council say “no” to them, through their faith in Christ, the heavenly council says “yes.”
Third, and related, we can compare Saul and Stephen. Each of these men have a “resumé” so to speak. Stephen’s resumé states “Follower of Christ. Full of the Spirit, grace, power, and faith.” And we know from his letters that at this time Saul/Paul’s resumé would have read, “circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless” (Phil. 3:5-6). Our teenagers can learn from Stephen that there will almost always be a Saul who outperforms them, whether it’s the classmate with a better GPA or more service hours, or the friend at youth group who knows more Bible answers.
The fundamental problem with the economy of merit is that someone will almost always have more than you. But the economy of salvation works on a different currency. God’s approval of our kids is not minted on their outward performance, but on the perfect resumé of Jesus who died for them.
Never Enough
The false promise that performance culture presses into our kids is that you will be accepted if you just do more. The reality is that in that paradigm, the goalpost is always moving further and further back, only to leave our children frustrated and defeated when acceptance falls just out of reach.
By contrast, the hope of the gospel that tells us that we all have fallen short of the glory of God. Paul had every reason to boast before men, but as the grace of God was made manifest on the road to Damascus, he realized that it was all rubbish in comparison to knowing the love of Christ. The gospel levels the playing field. Should your child find himself top of his class with forty college offers to elite schools, that will not save him.
Performance always asks for more, but the gospel of Jesus only asks that we stop performing in order to rest in him. This is not to say that working hard to get into a good college is unimportant. It is rather to say that it is not the most important. If we constantly press our children to do more and more, we are signaling to them that their performance in appeasing an admissions board is what validates their identity.
But for the faithful in Christ, our hope is not in our performance, but in the work of Christ. In him, we find peace and acceptance. This may mean passing up on opportunities to boost a resumé. It may very well mean taking the in-state option. It may mean our kids have fewer tassels around their necks on graduation day, but the riches that our prospective degrees may or may not grant us are far less important than the treasures laid up for us in heaven.
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