Kevin’s father sat across from me in my office, concern etched deep into his face. I was Kevin’s youth pastor, but this was the first I’d heard of any trouble.
“He’s always been a straight-A student,” he said. “Disciplined. A talented violinist.”
He paused, the weight of his words hanging in the air. “But lately? He seems withdrawn. No test prep, no music practice—just video games and silence.”
He looked at me, uncertain. “I just feel like he could be doing more.”
Kevin’s story wasn’t unusual. That kind of meeting was common during my years as a youth pastor. Many of the students in my ministry came from high-achieving homes where excellence was the norm. When a teen who had always been driven suddenly slowed down, it often set off alarm bells. Parents would wonder: Is this laziness? Rebellion? Depression? A spiritual crisis? Kevin didn’t seem like a teen intentionally resting in Christ—he seemed weary, perhaps even quietly struggling. His father’s concern wasn’t misplaced, but he wasn’t sure how to interpret what he was seeing.
In a culture that prizes constant productivity and rewards the hustle, slowing down can feel dangerous. Without realizing it, we can begin to measure our children’s maturity by worldly standards—grades, activities, and accolades—rather than biblical ones like wisdom, faithfulness, and spiritual formation.
Sometimes a teen’s slowdown is healthy; other times it signals deeper struggle. For parents, telling the difference can feel daunting. In moments like these, it helps to step back and remember God’s design for rest—a design woven into creation, redemption, and ultimately fulfilled in Christ.
Rest Rooted in Creation
From the very beginning, rest was part of God’s good design. Genesis 2:2 tells us, “On the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested.” God wasn’t weary. He was setting a rhythm for his image-bearers. Human beings are not limitless. We are finite and dependent, created to live in cycles of work and rest under God’s gracious rule. We need rest—not just for recovery, but to live within the limits God lovingly gave us.
God established this rhythm in the fourth commandment. Exodus 20:8 says, “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” In this passage, God grounds rest in creation. Elsewhere, he grounds rest in redemption. Deuteronomy 5:15 says, “You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out… therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the Sabbath day.” For the people of God, the Sabbath was a reminder that they were no longer slaves. They could rest because God had redeemed them.
The same is true for us. Rest is not only necessary, it is a reminder of our redemption. We are no longer slaves to sin, striving under the pressure to prove our worth. We live as those who have been redeemed, sustained not by our output but by God’s provision.
Rest in Christ
All of this comes into focus when we look to Jesus. Jesus himself rested. He withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16), slept during a storm (Mark 4:38), and invited his disciples to come away and rest (Mark 6:31). These were not signs of laziness, but expressions of trust in the Father—and he invites us into that same kind of rest.
Matthew 11:28 says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” This is more than a promise for the tired. Jesus is offering something much deeper. It is an invitation to stop trying to earn our way to God through performance, effort, or achievement. Salvation is unearned and freely given by God. Those who come to Jesus and rest don’t have to build or compete for their identity and worth. They find it as God received them by grace—not in what they have done, but in what he has done.
This means that you don’t have to hustle to matter. Your value doesn’t rise and fall with your productivity. And neither does your child’s. What Jesus offers is a better way—one of security, rest, and grace that frees us from the pressure to constantly perform.
This vision of rest should anchor our response when our children slow down, and it also invites wise discernment.
When Teens Slow Down
Wise discernment is essential when a teen slows down. Not every pause means the same thing, and how we respond depends on understanding what’s actually happening beneath the surface. Parents need more than quick assumptions; they need a clear, compassionate lens to see whether a teen’s slowdown reflects healthy rest or signals a deeper struggle.
At times, slowing down is the right response to the relentless pace teens keep—a quiet act of trust in God’s design for limits. But not every slowdown is healthy. There’s a difference between rest and withdrawal born of struggle. A teen who is resting may still engage relationally, find joy in restorative activities, and re-enter responsibilities in time. A teen who is struggling often shows persistent sadness, irritability, detachment from community, or loss of interest in nearly everything—not just schoolwork. Rest refreshes; depression isolates.
Kevin’s father was right to pay attention. His son’s withdrawal needed more than a pep talk about discipline; it needed careful, compassionate discernment. When signs of deeper struggle emerge, parents are wise to lean in—asking gentle questions, listening closely, and drawing in pastors, mentors, or counselors as needed.
So what should you do if you find your teen in this situation? How can parents respond with both wisdom and grace?
Evaluate with Wisdom
Not every pause is a problem. Is your teen neglecting real responsibilities, or simply catching her breath? Is this apathy, or a needed recalibration? Ask yourself: Am I responding to her slowdown because I see genuine cause for concern, or because I’m afraid she won’t measure up?
Sometimes, our discomfort with our children’s rest reveals our own struggle to trust God with their future. When our hearts are driven by fear of falling behind, it’s easy to interpret every slowdown as a threat. Gospel hope steadies our perspective, helping us discern with both clarity and compassion.
Model Sabbath Rhythms
Children learn far more from our lives than from our lectures. Do they see us resting? Are we stopping, trusting, and letting go of unfinished work? Or do we only reward the hustle? Showing that rest is good and godly teaches them that their worth does not hinge on productivity.
Teach Gospel Identity
Our children need regular reminders that their achievements do not define them. They are loved, known, and secure in Christ through his life, death, and resurrection. This truth frees them from the tyranny of performance and anchors them in grace.
Encourage Holy Leisure
Not all recreation is retreating from God. Recharging, creating, or even playing video games, when done in gratitude and moderation, can reflect a life rooted in the goodness of God.
Not Rebellion, But Redemption
Rest is not a loophole for laziness nor is it a threat to faithfulness. In a world that idolizes output, slowing down can be a quiet, courageous act of trust. What our children need is not just better time management. They need better theology. They need to know they are not slaves to performance but sons and daughters of God.
So, when your teen slows down, don’t rush to correct. Pause. Ask questions. Listen. Pray. And point them to the One who declared, “It is finished.”
Because in him, rest is not just permitted.
It is promised.
