Have you ever tried serving others as a family? My heart desires to see my own family live out Jesus’s words, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39). I want us to obey the Lord’s call to care for the widow, orphan, poor, and oppressed. But, despite my best intentions, when our family serves together, our efforts are often marred by frustration instead of servant-hearted attitudes.
Take, for example, my harried form of hospitality. I can become so focused on the state of my home and preparing for the upcoming meal that I run my family ragged on Saturday to make lunch beautiful on Sunday. This creates the predictable, unhappy effect of causing my family to dread having people over for lunch. Then there’s the “bonkers babysitting” incident where I asked my children to babysit extremely unpleasant younger children while the adults visited together. This imposition did not endear my teenagers to servant-hearted babysitting.
Finally, we had a night of “chaotic caroling.” We misplaced our hymnals and forgot to load the guitars in the van. This necessitated two return trips home before we could finally depart fully prepared for a night of joyful Christmas caroling with elderly friends. Sharp words flew across the van as we drove, and we were still fussing at each other when we piled out at our destination. We plastered smiles across our faces to cover our grumpy hearts.
Granted, our family friction could be a particular failing of the Funches bunch. But I imagine we all have times where serving others has brought challenges, especially as a family. These challenges are not barriers to service but instead become learning opportunities for us all. So, how can we model a life of service for our children so that we serve well together? When our best laid plans go awry, how do we handle both our own failures and the failures of our children? When we seek to model Philippians 2 in our own homes and communities, confessing our failures along the way, our children learn that a good servant often displays three clear characteristics: seeing the need, showing up to meet the need, and serving silently in the shadows.
Seeing the Need
All of us instinctively seek our own interests, often blind to the needs of others. Praying together as a family to ask God to show us who we can bless provides wonderful guidance. All of us, even adults, find it helpful to put words to needs and speak them aloud. “I bet Mrs. Smith is just so sad after her husband died. Do you think we could invite her to sit with our family at church this Sunday?” Or, “Goodness, that sweet little girl is a hot mess. I bet her mom is worn out. Do you think we could offer to babysit for free so her mom could have a break?”
The more I put words to needs in front of my children, the more they will also see and put words to needs around them. Even very young children can serve others by making a card, joining us in dropping off a meal, singing a song, giving a hug, writing a poem, or entertaining a younger child.
Meeting the Need
Needs come in all shapes and sizes. The widow next door needs help changing light bulbs. A child with special needs feels left out of games. Or, a family in crisis could use yard help or meals. Food pantries, crisis pregnancy centers, and mission trips are all opportunities to serve together as a family. In fact, the opportunities are endless! Serving can be as simple as helping our young children pick out flowers to deliver to a neighbor or marshaling these young helpers to bake Rice Krispies treats for a hurting acquaintance.
In our most recent season of life, I discovered that one tremendous need for teenagers is to have fun. Yes, fun! Our youth need to be able to enjoy one another offline, in safe, encouraging environments. They need spaces where they can grow in Christian friendships and reach out to unbelieving friends. So, I considered, how could we meet this need as a family? We built a fire pit in our backyard together and then hosted dozens of nights around the fire with s’mores, guitars, and our roaming dog.
My husband and I also swing dance, so we reserve the church fellowship hall once a quarter and teach swing dance lessons. Some nights, we have well over a hundred teens learning to swing dance. Inevitably, come the night of the dance, something goes awry. We forget the ice, siblings argue, Mom is tired, or Dad’s foot is injured. But we go anyway, sometimes with our bad attitudes trailing behind us. We are blessed and bless others. Consider what your own family can do. Can you host an art class, lead a hike, or organize an ultimate frisbee game or kickball in the park? How is your family uniquely gifted to provide time and space to foster relationships among young people?
Showing Up
In a catalog of lessons learned, I have realized my children will see my own heart of service to others. My words and attitudes pave a path for us to follow. This is a humbling revelation. I have also learned to keep my family foremost in mind as my first front-line mission and discipleship field while we serve. Serving others as a family should not be about my husband or me—whether it be our wants (however well-intentioned), our timeline, or our clean house. Rather, considering others better than ourselves includes considering the needs of our children and how they can best fit into serving as a family.
As families, we don’t need to model perfection; we just need to see the needs around us (including those in our own families) and show up. Serving together gives us opportunities for growth, both individually and as a family, in patience and humility. Looking around my own church, it’s not easy to observe those who are truly serving. They don’t stand out or make a show of what they are doing. Instead, they silently see and meet needs without self-promotion or noise. They fix the coffee, serve in the nursery, and pick up trash. They visit the elderly and the sick, but no one knows they went. They make meals, reach out to the lonely, host people in their homes, and provide rides. They show up and meet needs.
As we walk with our families into summer, what needs do we see around us? Serving is part of our calling as believers. It bears tremendous fruit in our lives and in the lives of those around us. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). The needs are everywhere. How can your family show up to meet them?
Our Family Discipleship Curriculum helps parents disciple their children. It provides clear, gospel centered teaching that will give your family a firm foundation for serving like Christ.
