Every morning I begin the day by waking up my three kids for school. I never know what to expect: Will my oldest feel like getting up? Will my middle child remember to wash his face? Will my youngest just sit in her room instead of getting ready?
Just as the Lord controlled the chaos when he created ex nihilo, controlling chaos has become a big part of my morning routine. My goal each day is to send my kids off to school joy-filled and prepared to do hard things through the grace and power of God. In trying to imitate Jesus, I remind myself that, no matter what happens, I need to be slow to anger and abounding in love (Psalm 103:8).
But of course, I don’t always get that right. When one of my kids knocks over a full bowl of cereal, I want to remember “slow to anger and abounding in love,” but sometimes I don’t. I’m made in the image of God (Gen. 1:27), but realistically, I am a broken image at best. Some mornings I succeed; other times, I fall short.
It’s in those moments when I’m not successful that I beat myself up. I want to send my kids off to school with joy, but if they get on the bus with tears in their eyes because of my reaction to a mistake or their slow pace in following directions, I feel like I’ve failed. Maybe you can relate to this feeling.
Every day before we head out the door to walk to the bus stop, I stop my middle child and ask him to look in the mirror. It’s not because I’m trying to catch something small, but because the mirror shows him what’s really there (like the evidence of a missed face wash in the form of crusty eyes). In the same way, Psalm 103:8b is like a mirror for us as parents. It reflects both where we fall short and where we can grow. When I read “slow to anger, abounding in love,” it exposes the moments where I fail to live up to that standard.
It’s easy to feel discouraged, to see this verse as a reminder of my flaws. But I don’t believe God gave us this Scripture to discourage us or to measure ourselves harshly. What if instead, this verse is an invitation?
Psalm 103:8b serves as both a mirror and a guide, reminding us that parenting isn’t about perfection but about reflecting God’s love and patience to the best of our ability. This mirror-verse may show us how much we miss the mark, but it also points to the character of God, who is the mark. Jesus lived a holy and perfect life for our sakes and died the death we should have died because the wages of sin is death. He hit the mark we could not hit. Now when God looks at us he sees the righteousness of Jesus.
The mirror of this verse exposes that while we are incapable of being slow to anger on our own, God is capable to help. Through the gift of the Holy Spirit who helps and guides us to all truth (John 14:26), we can learn to be slow to anger. Independent of God we cannot live this out, but through dependence on him, we can.
The problem is this: how can we, as parents, reflect a loving and forgiving God when our children fall short? When we pause to be “slow to anger and abounding in love,” we show our kids a glimpse of God’s heart. Our response to them can shape how they view God. When they see our love, even in moments of discipline, they form a picture of God’s love, a love that remains even in their mistakes.
Growing up, love often felt transactional to me. It seemed that love was given based on how well I behaved or how well I followed the rules. Don’t get me wrong; rules and boundaries are essential. But as a child, when I fell short, I was often met with anger instead of compassion. Love didn’t always feel like love, but more like disappointment or displeasure.
Please don’t misunderstand, I know my mother and family loved me. But our children’s understanding of God is largely shaped by their experiences with us as parents. If we are quick to anger when they make mistakes, they may grow to see God as quick to anger. If that’s their experience, God’s love might feel conditional, like something that depends on their behavior instead of something that exists in spite of their behavior.
God’s love for us isn’t transactional, and neither should our love be for our children. He loves us in spite of our shortcomings. In fact, as Scripture tells us, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). When we miss the mark, whether that is in our parenting or in other ways, God is slow to anger and still abounding in love with us. We don’t earn God’s love by how well we parent.
Our kids need to know that our love for them isn’t earned by their obedience but is given freely, just like God’s love for us. Even when discipline is necessary, it’s the consistent, enduring love we show them in those challenging moments that will make the lasting difference. I know this to be true in my relationship with the Lord, and I pray you know that to be true as well.
On days when we don’t live up to being “slow to anger and abounding in love,” remember that our Heavenly Father meets us with the same compassion we’re trying to show our kids.When I fall short and send my child off feeling more burdened than uplifted, I remember that I, too, am met with compassion by a God who understands my struggles. He doesn’t hold my failures over me; instead, he uses them to draw me closer to himself.
As we reflect on this verse, let’s not see it as a reminder of our flaws but as a guide toward grace-filled parenting that points us to the God of grace. Every morning brings a fresh opportunity to show our kids a glimpse of God’s heart, because God’s mercy is new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23). So let’s ask for strength to model a God who is “slow to anger, abounding in love,” not only for our children’s sake, but also for our growth as parents as we live out our call to disciple our children towards a lifelong faith in Jesus.
For more gospel-centered parenting resources, check out Rooted’s Family Discipleship Curriculum.
