It was late on a Friday night, my husband and I had a jam-packed schedule the next day. I fought the sleep that threatened to overcome me as I waited for our teenage daughter to get home from an evening out with friends. Thirty minutes before her curfew, she texted:
“Mom, my car won’t start!”
Several back-and-forth texts ensued, as did a trip out to where her car was parked, I was angry with my daughter, and she knew it.
But what did she do wrong?
I was tired. I was so tired. Her situation inconvenienced me, and so all my frustration formed into a guilt-inducing package that I readily handed over to her.
The next morning, before I even crawled out of bed, I lay with my eyes closed and felt the tears begin to form. I felt so sorry for my behavior toward my daughter.
God’s Amazing Gift
The Bible provides hope for any emotion or turmoil that accompanies our parenting, including guilt. In Psalm 103, once described as “perhaps the most perfect song of pure praise to be found in the Bible,”[1] David begins by listing the magnificent benefits of serving our great God. The very first aspect David gives thanks for is his forgiveness: “[God] forgives all your iniquities” (1:3a).
If you are weary today, tired of the weight of shame you carry because of missteps in your parenting, please take a few moments and bask in what these five words mean for you as a mom or dad. “God forgives all your iniquities.”
The first thing to notice is that we do not need a mediator to confess our sins to God. Child of God, you have direct access to God through his Son. Jesus ‘sacrifice on the cross reconciles us to the Father, allowing us to approach him in prayer and worship without barriers. We can come boldly to God’s throne. Without hesitation, we can put the load we carry at his feet. Jesus absorbed God’s wrath so that we might be fully reconciled to him. We have access to our heavenly Father no matter what! And so, he welcomes us to come.
And when we confess our iniquities – our wrongdoings – we are forgiven completely. God does not keep a record of our wrongs.
Later in Psalm 130, the Psalmist delights in knowing that God does not keep track of our sins (Ps. 130:3). When you confess an ongoing sin that you regularly fight against as a parent, whether it be anger, the need to control, or anything else, God never revisits that sin. He doesn’t note with annoyance that this is your 100thtime asking for forgiveness for the same sin. You might feel that, but God doesn’t.
Instead, he meets us with open arms, ready to extend his grace anew. Each time we approach him with a contrite heart, we experience the profound truth that his mercy is limitless. This divine pardon is not just a one-time event but a continual invitation to start new each morning, reminding us that our identity is rooted not in our failures but in his unfailing love.
Our Response to God’s Amazing Gift
Even considering God’s amazing gift of forgiveness, we are tempted to hold tight to our pride and listen to the false narrative that excusing our sin is better than repenting of it. But this is never the better way; believing this lie leads to unhealthy sin patterns. To combat this, there are three important responses to God’s gift of forgiveness.
Engage with Jesus
Jesus delights in you, and not because of what you do or don’t do but because he made you and gave his life for you. The deeper your understanding God’s love, the more readily you will seek his forgiveness. As parents, two of the most important things we can do to keep pressing into the cycle of contrition followed by forgiveness are to pray and study God’s Word.
Jesus will help you speak with patience; he will help you avoid lashing out in anger; he will give you grace when you feel overcome with worry. Come to Jesus, commune with him, engage with him, and when you sin against him, ask for forgiveness. Spiritual growth happens naturally when we are regularly engaged with our Savior, and your kids will reap the benefits of that growth.
Exemplify Confession
When I finally got out of bed the morning after the difficult night with my teen, the first thing I did was ask for her forgiveness. To be sure, this is not always easy to do. It’s the step we skip if we choose to justify our actions.
In the same way that confession clears away the clutter that becomes a barrier between us and God,confessing to our children heals relationships and allows us to move forward with them in healthier ways. I’ve heard parents say that apologizing to children thwarts their authority and causes a child to lose respect for their parents. This way of thinking could not be further from what the Bible teaches us.
Maintaining a false perception of perfection simply teaches our children to fear failure and to reject their own need for repentance and forgiveness. It is OK for your teen to see you admit mistakes you’ve made; not only is it OK, but when it’s necessary, they need to hear you say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” Model confession and show your kids how significant it is to not let pride win the day.
Eagerly Forgive
To forgive is to show our children the heart of the gospel. When we eagerly forgive our kids for their wrongdoing, we reflect God’s love and mercy. We teach them that mistakes are part of life, and while sin and error have consequences, for those who are in Christ, these things do not define us. When a teen says “sorry,” for something they did wrong, pray for the grace and strength to forgive sincerely and immediately. When we’re reprimanding in anger, it’s easy to forget to say, “I forgive you.” But remember how readily Christ does this for us in our sin.
By engaging with Jesus, exemplifying confession, and eagerly forgiving, we can break cycles of guilt and resentment. Instead, with Christ’s strength, we build a home where grace reigns and our family experiences the freedom that comes from God’s amazing gift of forgiveness. Each day is a new opportunity to love and learn together, and that is truly a gift worth embracing.
Join us at the Rooted conference in Dallas Texas, October 24-26 for more content for parents and youth pastors!
[1] https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/gcm/psalms-103.html
