Many parents dread the time when their child asks a perplexing question about the Christian faith. They feel comfortable doing family devotions, attending church, or praying with the kids, but freeze when asked a difficult question such as, “Why does God allow suffering?” “What happens to those who never hear the gospel?” or “Where is heaven located?” Fears can cripple parents whenever a child introduces a difficult subject. Here are three tips to help parents address these thorny issues.
Be Available to Interruptions
Having been a youth pastor for many years and now having teenage children of my own, I have come to learn that children, especially teenagers, ask questions when the subject feels important to them, not when it’s most convenient for the parents. If you try to organize a time to have a theological Q&A, kids will often respond with one-word answers. But when you are getting ready for work, or school, or trying to finish an important project, your daughter will randomly pop one of these difficult questions. It’s important to be ready at a moment’s notice for these loving interruptions.
This doesn’t mean that you have to defend a dissertation at your child’s beck and call, but as much as possible, try to be available for questions. You can always revisit the discussion later, but we parents should always make good on our word to talk further. There can be a perfectionistic tendency to procrastinate on these questions because we are afraid of not sounding intelligent, not having polished answers, or being unable to counter their objections. Even more than expecting great answers, children are looking more for someone to hear them and engage with them. They often want to see how their parents have wrestled with these types of issues on their own faith journey, so it can be better to give a raw, unfiltered answer than wait until some undetermined date to give a more refined response.
Research
While we should be available as much as possible to dialogue with our kids, it also helps if we take the time to learn about the challenges they are facing. Almost every statistic on the health of the church and Christianity overall shows that our kids are growing up in a less Christian, less Bible-based culture than previous generations. They will undoubtedly hear certain objections and discussions that we may not have faced ourselves as children.
During my childhood, it seemed there were not so many questions about the reliability of the Scriptures. One a person accepted the resurrection or the existence of God, it seemed easier to accept the rest of the Bible as God’s truth. Now, every line of Scripture is under scrutiny independent of the whole. Just because people may accept one part of it (i.e. the existence of God) doesn’t mean they will accept others as such (i.e. the exodus from Egypt, or the commands regarding sexual behavior).
Because of this phenomenon, we as parents should do what we can to become students not only of God’s Word itself, but also the defense of his Word. When our kids see that we are as eager as they are to learn about the controversial issues regarding the Christian faith, we gain their respect and help them see that we are committed to their faith development. There are a number of websites and books you can consult to help you get going. Gotquestions.org is a great place to start and Christian Apologetic Research Ministry (CARM) offers answers to a wide variety of current objections. There are also many books on the subject such as Before You Lose Your Faith: Deconstructing Doubt in the Church (edited by Ivan Mesa) and Apologetics: A Justification of Christian Belief by John Frame.
Humility
Even with all of the research that we can do help them understand the validity of the Bible as God’s Word, we must remember that there is no answer, no matter how clear and thorough it may sound, that will make a child say, “I get it now, therefore you have answered all of my questions and I will never doubt again.” Every child’s faith journey has twists and turns that might cause you to wonder if he really has accepted and taken hold of the essential truths of God’s Word.
The making of a diamond requires a lot of pressure and tension. The teen years are tense years of testing. Teenagers (and pre-teens) are figuring out who they are, what they believe, and what they should do with their lives. Just as diamonds are forged through much pressure and heat, the genuine deep faith of a mature adult Christian requires as much, if not more, tension. It’s necessary that young people wrestle with deep and often controversial issues so their faith can be deep and secure and not easily broken by the non-believing world.
Parents must trust in the sovereignty of God as we evangelize our kids. God’s sovereignty relieves us of this idea that we must be perfect in order to save those around us. The truth is that we don’t save anyone; God does, through his son Jesus Christ. Jesus died to save our kids, and while none of us know if our children will accept that free gift or not, it can be freeing to know that their salvation does not depend on our providing the perfectly crafted answer at the proper time. Long-lasting faith is not built on human wisdom, but on a God who made the entire universe.
For more gospel-centered parent resources, check out the Rooted Parent podcast.
