Welcome to Rooted’s new series for parents, Answering Your Teenager’s Questions About Faith. In this series, you will be equipped to have conversations with your teenager about some of the most important theological and big life questions everyone must answer.
These questions typically fall under the Christian discipline of apologetics. The term “apologetics” originates from the Greek word “apologia,” which means to give a reason or a defense of a belief. Therefore, Christian apologetics involves Christians offering a defense or presenting reasons to believe in the Christian faith. The Apostle Peter states in 1 Peter 3:15, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Therefore, all of us are called to have reasons for the hope we have, for the things we believe the Bible says about God, creation, humanity, sin, the gospel, and right and wrong.
Our homes serve as a training ground for apologetics, so we must ensure they are safe spaces for such conversations. Before exploring how we can foster that culture in our homes, we must address the greatest fear for many Christian parents: What if my teenager’s big questions and doubts lead them to abandon their faith?
The Reality of Doubt
Everyone doubts from time to time. But as parents, when we hear that our teenagers struggle with doubt or question the truth they have grown up with, fear and anxiety set in. Our temptation is to panic. Who can blame us? Every Christian parent wants their children to know, love, believe, and obey Jesus Christ. We want them to see the gospel as the treasure and pearl of great price. We want them to adore the Father, abide in Christ, and walk in step with the Spirit.
If there ever seems to be a threat, such as doubt about the Bible and its teachings, it can shake us to our core. Instead of fear, which is not from God, we should view it as an opportunity help our teens to continue to live their lives in Christ, “rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as [they] were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness” (Col. 2:6-7). We keep in mind that as parents, we cannot save our children. Instead, with the help of the Holy Spirit, our responsibility is to be faithful and to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
Here are some things to remember so that you can guard your own heart and mind when your teen expresses doubt.
Doubt does not mean unbelief.
Doubt signifies uncertainty, questioning, or wavering of faith in the truth claims we find in the Bible. Our doubts do not scare God. He has always had followers who experienced doubts, and he still works through those people. Moses doubted God could use him in Egypt because he wasn’t a good public speaker. Thomas doubted his friend’s story that Jesus had risen from the dead. After Jesus was resurrected and spent time with his disciples, “they worshiped him; but some doubted” (Matt 28:17). And yet, even in their doubts, they kept following Jesus. Doubt is a normal part of the Christian life.
Doubt does not mean deconstruction.
The word “deconstruction, ” along with other buzzwords like “exvangelical” or “deconversion,” can make parents fear that their teenagers will abandon their faith if they investigate their doubts. I suggest that the doubts our teenagers have could be the very thing that brings them closer to Jesus and even strengthens their faith more than if they didn’t have doubts.
Regardless of how much or how little our teenagers struggle with doubt, they will inevitably confront the struggles others have regarding faith, the Bible, and Christianity. This leads parents to consider: Do my teenagers feel that our home and our relationship are safe spaces for having difficult conversations about significant questions regarding the Christian faith?
We want to answer that question with an emphatic ‘YES.’ The only way to truly know that answer is to ask your teen. Seriously, ask him. Be prepared to hear an answer you may not want to hear. If the answer is no, listen to the reasons why he feels that way, repent if there’s a reason to, thank him for his honesty, and promise him that you want to foster a culture in your home where he can come to you with anything.
How to Foster a Home That’s a Safe Place to Talk About Doubts
- Solicit Their Doubt
Whenever she reads Scripture or hears a sermon, ask if she has any questions. Check to see if anything was hard to hear or something that she has a hard time believing. Find out what that is and press in to have a conversation. If our teens sit in doubt for a while and don’t feel they have a place to go with their questions, they will seek answers from other people or their preferred internet browser or influencer.
Put it into practice: Make an “Ask Anything” jar for your kitchen table or somewhere your family meets regularly. Tell your kids they can write down any question and place it in the jar. Reassure them you will not overreact to the questions. Review the questions before everyone is together and then answer them honestly and to the best of your ability. If you don’t know the answer or want to look more into it, that’s when you can move to the next idea.
- Search the Scriptures Together
In Acts 17, Paul visits Thessalonica and Berea to teach them how the Old Testament Scriptures reveal how the Messiah would suffer and die – and to declare that Jesus is that Messiah. The Bereans “…received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true” (Acts 17:11). Let’s show our kids that when we doubt something, we examine the rest of Scripture to see if it is true.
It would be wonderful if every teenager felt comfortable turning to the Bible for answers to their questions. However, they will likely need help to do this, and that’s where you come in. We are not experts on every subject or question our teens may ask. Sometimes the best answer is, “I don’t know, but let’s see if we can find out together.” Other times, we must acknowledge that some questions are very complex and difficult to answer. It is important to demonstrate to our teens that faith means taking God at his word, even when it’s hard to understand.
Put it into practice: Ask your child to share one doubt or question he has and use your knowledge or another tool (for instance, you could even use a search engine or one of your favorite free Bible tools) to demonstrate how to look up verses and find answers to questions through cross-references, study notes, or commentary.
- Share Your Own Story
By the time we have these conversations with our teenagers, our faith has been tried and tested, so many kids may assume their parents won’t understand what they are going through. But you do! As I mentioned earlier, everyone doubts. All of us have stories to share. There were questions, research, prayers, frustrations, tears, and people who helped us along the way. Our teens need to know our struggles and stories so they know it is normal. Often we become stronger in our faith because our doubts led us to ask questions and investigate.
Put it into practice: Share the doubts you’ve wrestled with throughout your faith journey. Your child may have similar doubts. By showing her how you questioned and explored your uncertainties, you could assist her own journey. Be honest about any lingering questions or doubts, and demonstrate how, even with doubts, she can trust Jesus.
Parents, what your children will remember most is not whether you could answer every question as an expert in theology, but whether you humbly took the time to listen to their doubts and struggles and walked with them through these experiences. We aren’t going to get everything perfect, and we don’t have to.
Instead, we point our teens to the only one who is perfect, the only one who is worthy of being followed: Jesus Christ. What our teens need from us then is a safe place where they can bring their doubts. They need to know that you will take them seriously, you will pray with and for them, and you will keep pointing them to Jesus.
Check out the Rooted Parent Podcast upcoming season: Can’t Do It All.
