I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I was about to meet with a man for the first time. His son was living at my house, after his mother kicked him out of theirs. He, the father, had not been out of jail long, and I was unsure what reception I would receive as a pseudo father figure to his son. I’d had previous negative experiences with fathers who felt like my presence was an attempt to replace them. So naturally, my apprehension felt warranted.
Almost immediately after entering my door, he threw his arms around my neck and began sobbing uncontrollably. My wife and I were both stunned, unsure of what to do next. I returned his embrace and just held him as he cried for what seemed an eternity. Finally, he lifted his head and uttered words I had not anticipated. “Thank you for being there for my son when I wasn’t able to be.”
This encounter left me reflecting on the deeper meaning of my role in moments like these. It reminded me that the gospel is not just a message to be spoken, but a love to be lived out in the midst of brokenness. True gospel ministry embraces people in their most vulnerable moments, demonstrating Christ’s love without conditions and beyond expectations.
A Holistic Gospel
The gospel goes after broken people, broken homes, and broken situations. It gives them hope. I often find that for many of us our gospel message becomes reductionistic and conditional when faced with the pragmatic. The gospel of Jesus Christ calls us to the type of love that is committed to someone beyond their conversion. But often, our love falls short. We share the gospel IF conversion is probable. We serve IF conversion is possible.
But Jesus doesn’t operate like that. Paul writes in Romans 5:8 (CSB) “But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus went to the cross before receiving a favorable response from the individuals he died for. Any gospel-driven activity that mandates a positive response on the front end misses the mark.
What does any of this have to do with engaging unbelieving parents? Everything!!! The commitment we have for the youth that participate in our ministries must be holistic enough to extend to their families. Authentic, genuine Christian ministry doesn’t make membership or salvation a prerequisite to receive the loving service of the church. Being like Jesus means committing to ongoing acts of love, even when the message of the gospel has been rejected.
The Authority of Parents
It’s one thing to hold this theological tension in an esoteric sense. It’s another to move it from the theoretical realm into the practical realm. Before we can discuss what it looks like to mentor unbelieving parents, we have to embrace a framework of engagement that supports both the God-given authority parents have over their children and upholds their dignity as Imago Dei.
One of the easiest mistakes you can make as a youth worker is overstepping boundaries. This happens when you love the kids who attend your events, especially if those kids come from a home where their parents may not be Christians. There may be possible worldview differences that exist between the home and the church, sending our students mixed messages. As a result, we can sometimes justify usurping a parent’s authority. This harms our ability to create common ground with them in the process.
Parents should be able to trust that we support and uphold their authoritative voice in the life of their child. With the exception of clear sin, our role includes reinforcing the command “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land” (Eph. 6:1-3 CSB). There will be greater chances for partnership with parents if they trust that you won’t undermine their authority in the home.
The Dignity of Parents
The other important point we must embrace is maintaining the dignity of the parents we find ourselves working with. Some of the most rewarding moments of ministry are when we come alongside parents in meeting the very tangible needs that our students have. It is both rewarding and a part of our identity as believers (Eph. 2:10 CSB). Yet, we must remain consciously aware that our serving shouldn’t take away from a parent’s ability to take pride in being a parent.
A tangible example is when two siblings came to our youth group during the winter without coats. Before we rushed to supply them with the coats they desperately needed, we called their mom and received her permission to do so. Another is when we run a store during the holiday season, where all items were $10 or less, allowing parents the chance to buy gifts with their hard-earned money that would otherwise have been given for free. It might not seem like much, but a little thing like restoring dignity creates an environment where parents feel empowered and not only dependent.
Good News for All Parents – and Youth Workers
You may not have access to every parent of every student you serve, but I encourage you to nurture the relationships with the ones you do. Parents want to know their children are safe and loved. They want to know that their values and authority are upheld when they’re not there. These are the things that will create the trust for deeper relationships to blossom. As that blossoming occurs, pray that God will use you as a conduit of his grace that sees their lives transformed by his gospel and his people forever.
At the heart of the gospel is a God who moves toward broken people before they ever move toward him. Jesus did not wait for repentance, understanding, or agreement before offering himself. He entered our mess, bore our sin, and extended grace while we were still far off (Ephesians 2:13 CSB). That same gospel compels us to engage families not as projects to be fixed, but as people to be loved. When we embody this kind of patient, incarnational love, we create a space where trust can grow and the good news of Jesus can be both seen and heard.
For more ideas on how to partner with parents, check out our Youth Ministry Unscripted podcast.
