In my first few years of youth ministry, the students felt only a few years younger than I was, but the parents seemed so much older. As I grew in my role, the students began to feel younger, but I still questioned what was the best way to connect with their parents. After all, I didn’t have as much parenting experience as they did, and I often wondered what they thought about me.
I wanted to connect and partner with parents, but…how?
How could I find time amidst the busyness of my youth ministry schedule and their own chaotic calendars? How could I best step outside my comfort zone? Despite my worries and doubts, I’ve come to realize that although many parents have busy schedules, most are willing to meet with a youth leader to discuss the most important people in their lives: their children.
Thankfully, as youth workers, we don’t lead merely out of experience, but out of principle and our spiritual calling. The noun “pastor” is more important than the adjective “youth,” and instead of being a mere program director, God has called us to be a shepherd of our students. Yes, that means we minister to students directly, but it also means we prioritize the parents of these students. Connecting with, caring for, and even discipling parents may sound daunting, but it is an essential aspect of our shepherding students.
Recognizing that this will look different in every context, what are some ways we can best connect with parents?
Parent Connect Meetings
Now serving in my second decade as a youth pastor, I have never hosted a traditional parent meeting. I’m sure they work in certain contexts, but I always suspected that most of the parents who attended would be the ones who already knew most of the information. However, I still wanted to partner with the parents in our church, and I realized I needed an organized way to reach every family.
Just as schools facilitate annual parent-teacher conferences to provide individualized updates and feedback, I explored a similar concept within our church’s youth ministry, leading to the creation of what we call Parent Connect Meetings.
Our Vision
The goal of Parent Connect Meetings is simple: to connect youth and children’s workers directly with parents of kids and teenagers at our church. Unlike large annual parent meetings, these one-on-one sessions serve as personal, intentional connection points to pray, strategize, and partner in discipling teenagers to love and follow Jesus wholeheartedly.
We hope these meetings can be informational, prayerful, and encouraging. We divide them into three main parts:
- Updates and Logistics (First Third)
Parents receive information on upcoming events and opportunities directly from the youth minister. This private setting allows for personalized questions, such as scholarship inquiries or specific event details that might not arise in group meetings. We still communicate our calendar and newsletter regularly to parents through email, but these parent connect meetings enable a personalized conversation that goes a level deeper.
- Prayer Requests (Middle Third)
The youth minister asks the parent how he or she can pray for the teenager(s), and also how to pray for the parent! According to Jesus, “out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45), and answers to this question provide invaluable insight into the priorities, burdens, and struggles for the whole family. Oftentimes, these prayer requests give us another view into the life of the teenager that is different from what they share in the youth ministry setting.
- Discussion and Growth (Final Third)
Building on these prayer requests, the remainder of the meeting focuses on the teenager’s spiritual growth. Parents and youth ministers discuss the teenager’s current needs and collaboratively develop a plan to nurture the student’s relationship with Jesus.
Addressing Common Questions
- “Isn’t this inefficient?”
Yes, but the Bible is clear that ministry isn’t about efficiency—it’s about serving people where they are. These meetings provide a unique opportunity for parents and youth ministers to connect deeply, and they directly benefit the teenager’s spiritual growth.
- “How do you avoid meeting only with the usual participants?”
Broadly, we advertise the meetings via email to all our parents, and then we go personally invite others more on the margins. This approach also helps us manage the scheduling workload. Everyone is invited through the email which means no one feels left out, but the youth worker can manage how many individual invites they send out based on how many parents sign up.
- “How many meetings do you hold annually?”
The frequency depends on the context. At our church, with hundreds of children and students, it’s impossible to meet with every parent. Our family ministry staff aims for two parent connect meetings per month, totaling about two hours. This leads to possibly 24 parent connect meetings a year per person. Some months may exceed this goal of two meetings, while others may fall short, but this benchmark has worked well for us. Obviously, this will look different in every context depending on the size of your staff and youth group, and implementing changes like this can take years. But setting realistic and tangible goals has been hugely beneficial to our staff.
- “How do volunteer youth workers fit into this?”
Based on your context, including your volunteer leaders in these individual parent meetings can be a great way to bridge the gap between parents and lay youth leaders. Some volunteers might simply sit in on a parent meeting, while others can be trusted to run them on their own. Whether they can attend the meeting or not, it’s often beneficial to share with specific youth leaders the things you learn from parent meetings so they can also care for those students.
Adapting Parent Connect Meetings for Your Context
At the end of the day, there is not a set standard for what a parent connect meeting looks like. Depending on the setting, frequency, and familiarity with the parent, these meetings will all look different. The key is to know what you want to accomplish and why.
These personalized meetings with parents give opportunities for youth ministers to counsel parents, learn more about families in the church, and foster relationships that can grow for many years, even after a student graduates. For students, these parent connect meetings intentionally foster collaboration in the discipling of teenagers toward a vibrant relationship with Jesus.
The good news for both the seasoned and new youth minister is that our confidence when meeting with parents doesn’t come from our experience, degrees, or expertise on certain subjects surrounding teenagers or parents. As youth ministers who desire to meet, encourage, and care for parents, our confidence comes from the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Paul explains that “And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified” (2 Cor. 2:1-2). Of course, you are not Paul, and teenagers are not in Corinth during the first century. Still, we share the same confidence in the gospel even when we feel out of our depth.
Are you looking for resources to begin a family ministry in your church? Rooted offers a family ministry mentorship program for pastors and lay people, and our next cohort begins in February. Apply today, or reach out to our team for more information!
