How we view our earthly father often colors how we view our heavenly Father.
Some of us see God as angry, ready to strike us down at the first mistake, mainly because we grew up with fathers who had bad tempers. Others see God as distant, because our fathers were uninvolved, either working or hanging with buddies on the golf course, or even absent altogether. Still others of us view God as tolerant and indulgent because of a similar experience with our earthly fathers.
This can feel daunting for a dad who feels as if every character flaw or mistake will diminish his children’s view of God. But the good news is that even in our flaws, continuing to pursue God can help our children understand the love that he has for them. Here are four ways in which dads can model Christlikeness for their kids.
Model Submission
Ephesians 5 says that the man is the head of the household (Eph. 5:23), but too many men treat their household as their kingdom. I have counseled families of men who are so obsessed with their own authority that their request for respect is really a demand for control. Though these men may not resort to physical violence, they manipulate their families to maintain that authority and become volatile at the first sign that their kingdom may be threatened.
We forget that that 1 Corinthians 11:3 also says that the head of every man is Christ. This means that fathers must be the first in their family to submit, understanding that they are accountable to a greater authority. Fathers have been given headship because they are supposed to lead the way in showing submission to God. Ephesians 5:25 says that Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. He gave up his life, his comfort, and his privilege for us so that we can be forgiven and have eternal life. Fathers model this type of submission, motivating us to put the interests of our wives and children before our own. We see ourselves serving them rather than the other way around.
Model Contrition
If there’s one fact all of us can agree on, it’s that no dad (and no person for that matter) is perfect. Everyone has flaws. As parents, we can be hesitant to admit our faults to our children for fear that they will use it as leverage to disobey. But in fact, the opposite is true.
When our children see that we have enough self-awareness and humility to admit where we have erred, we gain their respect. Our children are smarter than we think. They know when we have lost our temper or lied. If they see that we are unwilling to admit to our wrongdoing, they may follow suit and refuse to ask for forgiveness when they have wronged someone. But if they see that we are willing to confess our sins to them, to apologize and vocalize our desire to repent each time, it will serve as an example for how they should accept responsibility for their sin.
Model Grace
If the cross could be summed up in one word, it’s grace. Philippians 2:7 says Jesus, “made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant made in human likeness.” Jesus voluntarily took upon the nature of a slave, the lowest of the low, and suffered for our sake. Ephesians 2:3 says that we were deserving of God’s wrath because of our sin. No matter how rich, intelligent, or influential we may be, we have no business being in favor with God because we are sinful to the core. Though we may mask it and convince others of our goodness, God knows the condition of our hearts and our motives.
If this is how Christ treats us – not as our sins deserve, but laying his life down so that we could gain the eternal life that we didn’t merit—then this is how we fathers should treat our children.
Proverbs says that folly is bound up in the heart of a child. It can be very easy as a parent to become impatient with our child’s maturity because it doesn’t match our own or appear to keep pace with the children of our friends. When we see that a friend’s kids clean their rooms regularly, have better grades, and appear to be better behaved, we can be tempted to despair. Impatience can lead us to become harsh and frustrated with our kids. A proper understanding of the cross serves as an antidote when we compare our own harsh attitudes with our kids to the infinite grace of a God who forgave us and gave us life when all we deserved was death.
Model Integrity
A man needs to be the same in private and in public. In recent years, we have sadly seen the downfall of many male ministry leaders who we thought were godly men in public but turned out to be different people in private. This lack of integrity in our homes will erode the trust of our wives and children.
I will never forget hearing a student share that her father was not who people thought he was. He held a lay leadership position in the church. According to his daughter, when you interacted with him on Sunday morning, he was cordial and friendly, even singing and holding his hands in the air during the worship songs. But at home, he was angry, volatile and temperamental, belittling and insulting his own family when things didn’t go his way. This man was classic example of James 3:10, “out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.”
I could see the frustration and confusion of a young woman who had a hard time making sense of the Christian faith when the man she was supposed to look up to was sending mixed messages. The gospel will have so much more power in the lives of our kids if we men are consistent. We have to be the same men in the sanctuary on a Sunday morning as behind a screen in the evening, the same at a church potluck as after a hard day when a coworker lets us down.
The same gospel that saves us and gives us a model of grace and character for our children also has the power to transform us so that we can live a life that our kids will want to imitate. It’s of supreme importance that men tap into this power rather than trying to rely on our own strength. We have to remember that we are under the headship of Christ. When a father leads the way in submitting to Christ, it can have a profound effect on the rest of his family.
Parents, Join us for Rooted 2024 in Dallas, Texas, October 24-26!
