My first job on Capitol Hill was as a staff assistant. Within months, I became the scheduler and office manager for a member of the U.S. House of Representatives. My primary responsibility was to manage the congressman and his public and personal schedules. It became a badge of honor to squeeze as many events, appearances, and family activities as possible into his calendar. I scheduled him down to the minute, allowing only as much of his precious time as necessary for transitions and travel.
When I left Capitol Hill, I carried that same mentality into life, ministry, and parenting. More was always more. How much could we accomplish in a day?
It’s taken many years of discipleship, and the limitations of ministry and parenting, to begin to train these lifestyle grooves out of the orientation of my heart.
Today, fifteen years into marriage, nearly ten years into parenting, and close to two decades in ministry, when we plan our fall schedule, my husband and I no longer ask what we can do, or what is possible for our family. We ask what we should do—what will allow our family to flourish and to best love and serve the Lord, each other, and our community.
I used to look at my overflowing calendar and feel accomplished and successful. I don’t feel that way anymore. I’ve learned that instead of being evidence of a life well spent, an overfull calendar can indicate a real spiritual problem. I’ve learned that my calendar, much like my budget, is a spiritual document. It reflects my priorities, my promises, and my presence.
The Freedom of Limitedness and the Necessity of Scheduling
Do not fear! I am not encouraging you to throw out your planner, your Skylight, or your shared family calendar. Scheduling is both necessary and good. My encouragement to you is that there is freedom and wisdom in accepting your limitedness and your limitations (Ps. 90:12). There is freedom in acknowledging that you cannot be everywhere. Only God is omnipresent (Ps. 139:7-10). You are not limitless (Ps. 103:13-16). Only God is omnipotent (Jer. 32:17; Matt. 19:26). And you cannot run without rest (Gen. 2:2-3; Ps. 127:2). Only God does not sleep (Ps. 121:3-4).
This acknowledgement brings freedom from striving, an acceptance of our humanity, and thus, our limitedness. I am not God, and I no longer even want to try to take on his role. I am not limitless.
Anchors and Guardrails in Our Schedule
As a limited wife, mother, minister, friend, sister, and daughter, I have learned the value of saying “no” and “not right now.” But how do you discern which things are “yes” commitments and which should result in a “no” response? What should be our non-negotiables?
Over time, my husband and I have learned to ask diagnostic questions that have helped us put anchors and guardrails in place to guide our discernment process. But first, we pray. And we encourage you to pray and ask the Lord for wisdom as you discern as well (Ps. 90:12). He is always faithful to give us wisdom when we ask (James 1:5).
Questions We Ask: Priorities, Promises, and Presence
- Does our schedule reflect our commitment to our own personal devotions and time with the Lord? (see Luke 10:38-42)
- Does our schedule reflect our commitment to corporate worship and love for our church community? (see Heb. 10:24-25)
- How many commitments can we make in a week before we feel the hit in our relationship? Is there a particular number that moves us from spouses working side by side into “roommate mode?”
- Does our schedule reflect our commitment to personal fitness and rest? (see Ps. 4:8; 1 Cor. 6:19-20)
- What is best for our children? Does our schedule reflect our commitment to prioritize them and be fully present to them? Can it accommodate their school activities and events? (see Ps. 127:3)
- How will this activity add to our family’s life? What will it cost us in terms of time and presence elsewhere? How will it impact our children’s sleep?
- Can we still have dinner and family devotions together nightly? (see Deut. 6:6-7; 11:19; Prov. 22:6)
- Is there space for spontaneity? Are we leaving space for an unplanned ministry opportunity or fun spontaneous family adventure? (see Luke 10:25-37)
- If we add this activity, what do we need to take away, and who will it impact? (This is the hardest question to answer, for me, by far!)
These questions help us to create a baseline for our schedule, but we aren’t afraid to reexamine the baseline in each new season. The questions reveal our priorities, shape our promises, and ensure our presence in the places where the Lord has called us. They help to create our family rhythms and to determine the shape of the liturgy of our family’s life. They help us to walk in wisdom and to “make the best use of the time,” as Ephesians 5:15-16 encourages us to do.
Anchors
Our next step is to reflect the things that are should-dos for us as the anchors for our weekly and monthly family schedule. Our goal is to put these things in place with the hope that they anchor the schedule—everything else is added as space allows. And the anchors rarely change. We all know what to expect.
Our anchors have historically been corporate worship on Sundays, church mid-week groups, personal devotions, and church community events. These items go on our family schedule first, and everything else gets filtered in through those anchors.
Guardrails
The questions and the schedule both function as guardrails as we move through the semester, but beyond that, we’ve also set several hard limitations on how much can be added to the schedule. We’ve determined our family’s limit on evening obligations, and we try to only schedule ourselves beyond that limit in the case of a pressing need. Similarly, because of the busyness of the fall season, we hold off on enrolling our children in more than one extracurricular until after the beginning of November. We also typically enroll all four of our children in events and activities at the same location and time to minimize burnout, overcommitment, and family fragmentation.
If we begin to find ourselves experiencing burnout, it’s a good opportunity to look back at what we determined our limitations and priorities would be. We try to stay on the same page as a couple by sitting down before the beginning of each season to talk through our questions and plan the semester before us. We also have begun to do a monthly look-ahead at the end of each month, and we check in with each other about our family schedule at the beginning of each week.
The Proof of Our Humanity
So, what has been the outcome of creating anchors and guardrails that I once thought were for my husband and children’s benefit? These frustrations that I once thought were needless limitations that slowed me down are now the anchors and guardrails that my heart and soul need. They are proof both of my sanctification and my limitedness. I wasn’t made to live in a constant state of hyper-productivity and without rest. I am not God.
If I’m completely honest, despite all of these helps in creating our schedule, my husband and I have yet to have our annual end-of-summer/fall scheduling chat, and I can already feel the fear that comes with shifting into the busiest season of our year as a family. And when I feel that fear, I turn my eyes to Christ. I remember that he is the only Limitless One, and I trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to lead us even in my exhaustion and hesitation about the shift of the season.
Thanks be to God for his grace, for our limitations, and for the good help of the Holy Spirit as we determine our priorities and anchor our plans, while acknowledging our own limitedness. And as my eldest son prayed at dinner tonight, “Lord, though tomorrow seems crazy, we pray that it won’t be as crazy as we thought. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Our Limitations Point Us to the Limitless One
My inclination when I am afraid or facing uncertainty: Fill the time. Facing down a crazy fall with three children in school and one still at home while working several part-time jobs: Plan and order from Amazon Prime and Costco Same-Day like I’m a Capitol Hill Scheduler! Parenting not going well: Schedule us to get out of the house constantly and mask the real problem we’re facing.
The truth is that the peace we crave is not found in a meticulously planned schedule. The peace we crave is found in acknowledgment of our limitations. Our limitations are meant to point us to the only Limitless One.
I love 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Boast in those limitations, friend, for they point you to the only Limitless One. Our limitedness pushes us to look to him, to trust in his work, his power, and his grace, as we endeavor to lead ourselves and our families well. And it’s in and through his power alone that you can walk out any of the plans you are making.
For more encouragement in your parenting, even on the go, check out our Rooted Parent Podcast.
