As I write this, first responders are on the scene of a horrific mid-air collision in Washington DC. Dozens are presumed dead, and their bodies are being recovered from the icy Potomac River. Amid the shock and confusion, questions beg for answers: how could this happen? Who is at fault? What, if anything, can be done to prevent this from happening again?
Official investigations will likely answer these questions eventually, but they won’t bring much comfort or hope to grieving families whose lives are forever shattered by the loss of their loved ones. Far beyond the practical questions are the existential ones, such as why a loving God could permit such a tragedy to occur.
Such questions demand a level of spiritual knowledge that we as Christians simply don’t possess. As parents, our limited understanding of God’s plans and purposes comes into sharp focus when we face questions from our kids that we struggle to comprehend ourselves. Sometimes we hesitate to engage hard truths because we feel inadequate to provide answers; sometimes frustration with our limits leads us to offer easy and ultimately unsatisfactory answers that are far from God’s truth and promises found in Scripture.
While we are limited in what we can know and understand, God is not. He is the source of all knowledge and understanding. Because of that amazing truth, we don’t have to possess perfect spiritual knowledge. God graciously provides us the means to live faithfully even in our confusion. Jesus’s death and resurrection frees us from the fears that our inability to know and understand can produce. God also gives us instruction through his Word and through the Holy Spirit – gifts that are completely sufficient to fill the space between our lack of understanding and his perfect plan for creation.
Knowing and believing in God’s ultimate control and knowledge gives parents the foundation to take a few practical steps with our kids as they engage their own struggle with spiritual limitations:
Acknowledge your limitations. Always being prepared to give an answer means being willing to admit “I don’t know.” We as parents cannot pretend to know everything, and our teens are all too willing to call our bluff if we try. Honesty about our lack of answers clears space for us to seek guidance that only God can provide through prayer, study, and relationship with faithful believers.
It helps us to remember that we are hardly alone in our spiritual limitedness. Even those disciples who spent almost every moment with Jesus in his ministry couldn’t figure out exactly what was happening much of the time. Jesus understood this, telling those disciples, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” (John 13:7) Acknowledging what we don’t know places us in a position of humility that drives us to seek wisdom – which God promises to give generously if we seek it earnestly (Jas. 1:5-6) While Jesus assures his followers that we will have understanding, he does not promise that it will occur in an expected time frame. Caution your kids (and remind yourself) that understanding will come, but it likely won’t be as soon or as evident as we might wish.
Respect your limitations. Parents know better than anyone the value of limits. We provide them for our kids throughout their lives, from a safety-approved infant car seat on the ride home from the hospital to the curfew that later restricts and protects our teens. In the same way, our Father God provides limits for our safety. Our growth as Christians depends on parameters that permit us to thrive according to God’s plan and purpose.
When we hear of natural or manmade disasters or receive scary diagnoses, our kids, like us, can become depressed or angry because these situations are hard to understand. The Old Testament character Job, who lost everything he possessed and loved, certainly felt these emotions – and he wasn’t shy about complaining and seeking answers from God.
God responded by reminding Job of his incomprehensible power. When Job accepted there were “things too wonderful for (him) to know” he demonstrated a faith in God that exceeded his need for answers. Sometimes spiritual understanding is best expressed by respecting the limits God places around us and believing they exist for our own good.
View your limits as an opportunity, not a barrier. It’s hard for our kids to see their limited abilities as an opportunity for growth when they are confused and in pain. It’s instinctive to believe that the more you know, the better you cope. But as any longtime follower of Jesus can affirm, those times of uncertainty and darkness provide the fertile ground where faith in God is nourished and grows.
Job lost everything – his family, his wealth, his reputation. Yet through every calamity he made a choice to trust God. “Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.” (Job 13:15) Notice that Job doesn’t passively accept the hardships that come to him. While understanding of his circumstances may be elusive, confidence in God’s love for him is not. He boldly questions God in his anger, fear, and sadness. Make sure your teen knows their emotions are natural when they find themselves in hard times of loss and pain. Emphasize that Jesus knows and understands these feelings better than anyone because he experienced every one of them as he prepared to go to the cross.
When we make the effort to shift our mindset about limitations from barrier to opportunity, we remove the negative connotations that keep us feeling helpless and frustrated. It is exactly when we admit we don’t understand a situation that we are given the opportunity to practice trusting in God by looking to Jesus and saying “your will be done.”
Humble students of any subject recognize the paradox of knowledge and understanding: the more we know, the more we understand how much we don’t know. When we and our kids confront our limitations and struggle to understand the “why, when, or how” of a difficult spiritual question, we can know with complete confidence the “who:” our loving God who protects and provides graciously even when we can’t understand. His promise to give us hope and a future allows us to rest faithfully in his complete knowledge and understanding.
Please listen to the Rooted Parent Podcast for further gospel-centered resources for parents.
