I sit on the couch with my teenage daughter, watching the movie Wicked. Grabbing my phone, I start making my grocery list, scroll through a few Facebook posts, and text my mom a recipe. My daughter looks over and rolls her eyes. I know she knows I am distracted, and I feel her walls go up.
Getting up, I tell her I’m grabbing popcorn and ice cream. Then I leave my phone in my bedroom for a self-inflicted screen time-out. I say a quick prayer of repentance for zoning out, for choosing my phone over quality time with my daughter and the wicked green witch. Grabbing the snacks, I head back to the couch. “What did I miss? Please don’t tell me our favorite song hasn’t come and gone?” We eat popcorn and laugh as the characters dance through life, seemingly completely focused and undistracted.
That is how movies are, but real life is full of distraction. Our children need us to be with them and take time to experience what they experience. They need us to hear them sing “Popular” at the top of their lungs and laugh about it afterwards. They need us to talk about how it can be impossible to be popular and to choose to love the least of these at the same time.
These little moments and conversations that come up while spending time together are what grow our relationships with our children. It comes from meeting them where they are and encouraging them right there. As parents, we have to practice the power of presence with our children. Most importantly, we need to look to Jesus to show us how.
Learning By Example: Ours
Over and over again, Jesus tells us that he is “with us” (Isaiah 43:5). He is the ultimate Father who “will never leave us or fail us” (Deut. 31:6). As flawed human mothers and fathers, we are not perfect. We do fail our children. Work, chores, friends, Netflix, food, phones, and so many other things fight for our attention. I have to daily fight to be present with my kids, husband, and other loved ones. When I am engaged and empathetic, it really changes any given situation. And I know those habits spread. Our children are learning by example. They pick up on what we say and do.
My oldest daughter does not have a phone yet, but she will soon. She will have the choice to be present or not, to put the phone down and dance to the Wicked soundtrack or to zone out and ignore everyone and everything around her. I am anticipating she will make choices both ways. She will be looking to me and my husband to guide her. I am praying and asking Jesus to help us teach her, realizing as a family the power and the gift of truly being with each other.
Learning By Example: Christ’s
Jesus was present here on earth with the people who needed him the most. In Mark 5, Jesus got out of a boat. A man named Jairus begged him to come save his young, dying daughter, and verse 24 tells us that “Jesus went with him.” En route, another woman who needed healing touched him and was healed. Beyond the physical help, Jesus took time to speak to her heart, noticing her pain and rejoicing in her healing. Then came the news that Jairus’ daughter had died, and Jesus overheard it. He was fully present and aware of all the hurts and needs of the people around him and encouraged them to “not be afraid, just believe!” (Mark 5:36).
When they arrived at the already-pronounced-dead daughter’s home, Jesus “took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and raised her from the dead” (vs. 40-41). Jesus walked alongside people, he went into the rooms of the hurting, and he redeemed what was lost. He didn’t check his phone or Facebook to see if it was socially acceptable. He just went and stayed present with his people!
The Gift of Present Parenting
I dearly want to be with my people. To know their needs and encourage them to seek out their Ultimate Healer and Heavenly Father. To notice when my daughter needs a hug or when my son just needs someone to talk to while he is nervous about his football practice. Jesus did not pass by, too distracted to care for the hurting woman who touched him. He took time to speak and love her. I love telling my kids “I am with you and for you,” because I know that is what Jesus does for us!
Lives change when we take the time to be present for our children, acting as a source of encouragement and offering the power of presence. The assurance of knowing someone is with us and will never leave us can only come from Christ. He promised that he “surely is with us always, to the very end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). As parents who have experienced the unconditional love and presence of Jesus, we get the opportunity to share that with our children. The gift of present parenting is powerful and transformative! Let us put down the phones, play on the floor, make the fort, and just be with them.
Looking for more resources for gospel-centered parenting? Check out Rooted’s Parent Podcast as we study Christ, our example in all areas of life and parenting.
