It happens more than I would care to admit. After youth group, I go home and lie awake, tormented by all the things I didn’t say or should have said in my talk or all the ways I mistreated a student.
Recently, I gave a talk to middle schoolers on Mark 5:1-20. In this passage, Jesus casts out a legion of demons from a terrifying man who had been living in a graveyard. I was so excited to tell the students this gospel story, reminding all of us about Jesus’ tenderness towards us and his power over darkness.
During the talk, I noticed a few boys in the back goofing around. Normally, I am not too fazed by it—they’re middle schoolers! But for whatever reason, this time it shut me down in the middle of my talk. I became consumed with thoughts telling myself that what I was saying didn’t make sense and didn’t matter. After all, if I was doing a good job, these boys would be listening. And so I sped through the rest of the talk, skipped a couple points and an illustration, and dismissed everyone for a game. Not only this, but I lost my temper with a student in the game. Did I even articulate the gospel? Later that night, I strained my brain trying to remember. I failed to do my job that evening.
I confess that I sometimes struggle to believe the very gospel I try to share with my students.
To be clear: I believe in gospel-centered youth ministry. I believe that all that we think, say, and do is because of the good news that the Triune Creator God of the universe sent his one and only Son into the world as a human being to take on all the sin of the world, defeat death, and redeem all things unto himself. Youth ministry lives, moves, and has its being in the reality of this gospel news. However, with the desperate father in Mark 9:24 I cry: “I believe; help my unbelief!”
In this short space, my hope is to encourage those of us in youth ministry who easily fall into the trap of self-criticism. I am here to share a reminder my ministry friend shared with me: You need to make time and space to receive the same gospel of Jesus Christ you invite others into, even—and perhaps most especially because of—your genuine failures as a youth minister.
Seek Friends Who Will Bear Witness
Some time after the rough night at youth group, I expressed my feelings of failure to my co-worker. Why am I doing youth ministry if I so easily get discouraged in the middle of a talk about the gospel? What am I doing here if I mistreat the students I am called to love and disciple? Why do I so regularly lay awake at night, tormented by the ways I have spoken and acted?
I told my friend my theory as to why I so easily shut down in the middle of that youth group talk. I attributed my sensitivity and inability to articulate and embody the gospel well that evening to my poor time-management, my lack of preparation, and my neglect of spending time in prayer with the Lord.
My friend listened graciously. She also understood these fears and anxieties. She affirmed (painfully) that these may indeed be areas of repentance and growth for me. But she gently and graciously reminded me: “Emmie, you’re still making it about your own understanding and feelings. The work we do is not dependent on us.” She was right. Even in confessing my sins of unbelief or mismanaged time, I spoke as if my own work, understanding, and righteousness holds the key to gospel-centrality.
I needed someone to bear witness to my fears and remind me that the gospel is not about my performance and righteousness; it is all about Christ’s. And my fellow youth minister, you need someone to do this for you, too.
Seek Jesus—Not Right Answers or a Job Well Done
This healing conversation with my friend, reminded me of the necessity of prioritizing time and space to be with the Lord. And I mean more than simply time to prepare a lesson for a youth group. In fact, I had carved out some space and time to prepare for my talk on Mark 5:1-20. I’d spend time reading the passage carefully, looking at the context around the passage, the book of Mark as a whole, reading commentaries, dictionaries, even a map to see where this miracle took place. I had crafted a talk with points, illustrations, and a concise gospel statement. My professors would be proud (right?).
What I failed to do? To actually look at Jesus. I had failed to believe that this Jesus in Mark 5:1-20 is risen, ascended, living and active, and is showing his love for me—even as I am trying to show him, by his Spirit, to my students. I may not have a legion of demons living in me that drives me to living in a graveyard and mutilating myself. But I have my own darkness that drives me to think I am too far gone to behold the face of the One who created, named, and loved me into existence. Sure, I messed up a talk, cut it short, and got impatient with a student. But even more so, I wallowed in my sin, failing to look on the face of a Savior who looks on even the most far-gone human with compassion and a healing touch.
Jesus invites us to bring our self-criticism, guilt, and wallowing to him. I say this knowing it can be hard to remember in the midst of failure. It is in these moments, I think, where we viscerally feel that the gospel is too good to be true.
But even in our unbelief of the too-good-to-be-true gospel, Jesus’ steadfast love remains. Our status as forgiven and beloved is not dependent on the strength of our will power or belief; it is in our union with Christ. There is nothing you or I can do to separate us from the love of the Father (Rom. 8:38-39). When we do look up at Jesus, he and all of heaven rejoice (Luke 15:7, 10, 20-24).
Rest in the Gospel—This is Your Story!
Here’s the ironic thing about my straining and anxiety to be gospel-centered: I will never perfectly embody or articulate that reality—only Jesus does. And so, we point to Christ, even—perhaps especially—in our sin. While it is good to pursue best practice, time with the Lord, and steadier and fuller belief, we will never arrive.
Mercifully, gospel-centered ministry isn’t about being perfect in desires, thoughts, attitudes, and actions; it’s about the reality of the finished work of Christ and the activity of the Spirit, even through broken vessels like you and me. Even in our struggle to teach, believe, and embody the very gospel that changed us, sanctifies us, and orients us, God remains faithful—to us and to our students.
Consider the men and women God used in Scripture, despite their grievous sins and struggles with unbelief:
Moses (Ex. 3:11; Num. 20:10-12),
Miriam (Num. 12), Aaron (Num. 12; 20:10-12),
David (Ps. 51),
Jeremiah (Jer. 1:4-10),
Peter (Lk. 22:54-62),
and Paul (Acts 9)
… the list goes on and on.
Look to the steadfast love of the Father to his people throughout the Old and New Testaments; look to the finished work of his Son and his reign over all things even now. And even when we fail to look, the reality remains and the Spirit works and sanctifies.
Brothers and sisters, remember that even when (not if) you struggle to believe the gospel you proclaim… it is finished (John 19:30). You are forgiven (Ps. 86:5; Col. 3:12-13). You are not alone (Heb. 12:1-14). Both you and your students are held in eternal, unshakable love by your Creator and Redeemer.
I believe; help my unbelief!
Looking for community and training to help you in practicing gospel-centered youth and family ministry? We hope you’ll make plans to join us for at the 2025 Rooted Conference in Chicago, IL October 23-25.
