Brittney and I often laughed till my belly was in pain and tears ran from my eyes. I couldn’t tell you about a specific joke or moment that filled our hearts with joy, because, truthfully, it did not take much for us to laugh together. Whether I was dancing to a beat in her living room, singing my heart out in her car after school, helping her sweep at the hair salon, or simply hanging out with her and the rest of the family on a Sunday afternoon, life with her was never boring.
The best part about our bond was that she was my “big cousin.” Since I was a toddler, I had stuck to her like glue. I lived life on her hip till my limbs would no longer allow it. She was my best friend, and I was proud to be the “little cousin” she let tag along while she figured out her young adult life.
By the time I was 12 years old, Brittney had surrendered her life to Christ. Most of my family went to church every Sunday, but Brittney was the first family member I personally witnessed make the decision to live a life with God. I wasn’t there at the exact moment, but I got to see the moments after.
One of the most profound moments that I remember happened at one of our regular sleepovers. It was almost time to go to bed, and I looked over to see Brittney journaling with worship music in the background. Out of curiosity, I asked her what she was doing. She casually said, “I’m just spending some time with him.” Interestingly, I knew exactly who “him” was, and I felt astounded. I went to church regularly. But I had never seen someone dwell with God beyond the sanctuary. Before that moment, it never occurred to me that I could spend time with the Lord just like I spent time with Brittney.
My cousin didn’t tell me any of this explicitly, but she lived it out for me to see. Like this particular moment, some of my most significant discipleship lessons occurred because Brittney simply lived for God in front of me. Through her words, but mostly through her actions, Brittney taught me that God delighted in communion with me and that I would live my best, most whole, life by surrendering to God. Seeing God be the light of her life influenced me to make him the light of mine—all by watching her glow.
Whether Brittney realized this was her method or not, it has become the primary way I seek to disciple the youth God has placed within my reach. As a middle school teacher in a public school, I have no choice but to make my ministry implicit. I aim to show God to my students by living for him right in front of them while in relationship with them. My main tenets for relational discipleship in my context are speaking truth, extending grace, and praying daily.
Speaking Truth
Halfway through my first year of teaching middle school, I decided to start each class period by leading my students through affirmations to speak over themselves. I’ve continued this practice, directing students to repeat after me and say: “I am loved. I am capable. I am brilliant.”
I’ve found that about 50 percent of the students pronounce these words with confidence, while the other half finds it difficult to participate. In fact, the first time I tried this with a class, I watched a female student shake her head “no” with deep conviction during the “I am loved” statement. This example reveals a potent truth about our students: not all of them believe the truth of what God says about them.
Due to my context, I cannot explicitly proclaim God’s love for them. Therefore, I must be wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove (Matt. 10:16). Despite any resistance, I continue to lead students in speaking truth over themselves so that one day they might affirm their dignity and goodness without my prompting. My prayer is that one day they may come to know that “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Therefore, they can confidently proclaim, “I am loved,” because God has already demonstrated the greatest love toward them through the sacrifice of Jesus.
Extending Grace
As with any ministry pursuit, my relational discipleship with middle school students requires that I extend grace to them and receive God’s grace myself. Oftentimes, students’ behaviors communicate the mistruths they believe about themselves. For example, if a student believes he is incapable of excelling academically, he will often find it easier to gain acceptance from his peers by making them laugh and disrupting the class. This behavior is extremely frustrating as a teacher, but it cannot negate his sonship. That is, despite my irritation at a given moment, I must choose to treat them as God’s child and extend the grace God gives me every day. Ephesians 4:32 instructs God’s people to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” So I seek to remember God’s gracious forgiveness towards me as I love students through any moments of frustration.
At times when I fail to respond properly, I repent to them. All relationships require rebuke and repentance, even those we have with our students. Thus, it is my hope that one day they recognize the Spirit’s power within me that moves me to both rebuke and repent with grace.
Praying Daily
Lastly, relational discipleship with my students requires that I pray daily. Each morning, I pray that the Lord would help me see each student as he sees them, and that he would help me serve them as he would.
Students often do not have the relational maturity to understand the sacrifices the adults in their lives make to love them well. As is the case for most teachers, many of my days are full of discouragement. Nonetheless, my prayer remains the same: that God would permit me to love and serve my students as he does, regardless of their response. Praying each day helps me to remember my God-given role in my students’ lives. As I pray, I accept my place as an adult in their lives who will strive to speak truth, extend grace, and crucify my flesh in prayer and practice so that they may see a small glimpse of how much their Creator loves them.
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