I never intended to lead anything like family ministry or a family discipleship effort. Instead, my own journey has been through the back door, often stumbling into what God is leading me into—first with students, then with the church and pastoral ministry, and now working with other pastors, parents, and teams in a more conscious family ministry model.
Perhaps you suddenly find yourself with responsibility for a ministry that wants to move in the direction of family ministry, or working with the children’s team just got added to your job description in youth ministry. Or maybe you are an engaged parent or church leader wanting to start family ministry from the ground up. What do you do?
Start with…
Relying on God’s Power and Wisdom
I remember reading a book on student ministry nearly 25 years ago and it opened with a chapter on prayer and the power of God. I thought to myself, Yes yes, but can we skip to the practical stuff? Can we get to all my questions on what to do next?
That ”start here“ has always stuck with me, pricking my conscience and prompting me to pray. Spiritual matters are the Lord’s work, and when we lead in ministry we are making use of his gifts and working with all his energy that he works out in us (Col. 1:29). We are worse than fools if we do not earnestly seek his guidance, depend on his presence and power, and pursue his priorities. “Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us!” (Ps 90:17).
Inviting a Team that Represents Key Stakeholders
Once you’ve sought the Lord, begin by choosing a team that knows and represents the people who will make up family ministry: whoever can represent your adult discipleship priorities, children, teenagers, and their parents. If your church does a lot of separate things for men and women, moms or dads, then lean on that. If your church already has an established children’s or youth ministry, you must include leaders from those areas. Reach for one or two of the most wise, godly, and been-there parents in your church.
Overall, look for people with humility, wisdom, maturity, and a willingness to commit. Keep it a manageable size: at least two others with you, but not more than six or seven. Even if it’s just you and two others, take heart: you have the makings of a conspiracy and can start something awesome.
Be Curious About…
Asking Two Questions: What’s the family for? What’s the church for?
If I could do things over in my own journey into family ministry, I would more clearly address these two fundamental questions right from the beginning. “Family ministry” has grown up over the decades with pragmatic aims but (often) without a clear theology of the Church and the family. When you work against the grain of God’s creation and redemption, you are going to be frustrated …and end up with splinters.
My own tradition (confessional Presbyterian) has clear answers to these questions and addresses them in our constitutional documents. Do your own research and study in your particular church context, with your pastor(s) and other church leaders, and in line with Scripture and your core beliefs. Keep these in mind and let them speak to and shape the ends and means of your family ministry.
As Colin Hansen notes in Rooted’s superb Family Discipleship Course, the family, (and your family), is the church’s business—and the church is meant to be your family’s business! We need both our family of origin and the new family of God. That may be countercultural, but God has clear things to say about his purpose for parents and children. The family is the most basic place in the world where children are formed in knowing and loving God and others: no one will have as significant and lasting an influence as a parent—and that includes spiritual influence.
At the same time, the church is the new family of God entrusted with the mission of gospel proclamation, disciple making, and the mutual ministry and mentoring that aids faith formation. As Matt Chandler and Adam Griffith helpfully summarize it, “God calls parents to make their home the primary environment for the discipleship of children… and God calls the local church to equip the saints for the work of ministry, [sharing] the load of spiritual leadership for the next generation.” Your best opportunity is going to be aligning these two God-given structures—the church and the family—in working toward the common goal of growing life-long disciples of Jesus Christ.
Asking with Empathy: Who are the main stakeholders in this new ministry?
The answer to this question may seem obvious—pastors/leaders, parents, potential volunteers, and the children and teenagers who will benefit from the ministry. But we need to ask some questions to better understand these stakeholders. What is their daily life like? Which worries and fears, desires and dreams press on them? What challenges or opportunities do they face? What’s the composition of your families, state of marriages, population shifts?
And there are other potential allies beyond that inner ring as well. Consider talking to local teachers or school administrators, neighbors near your church, law enforcement, and any others who have a stake in healthy, thriving families. These people may have a finger on the fault lines or trends that exist in your community. Draft a list of questions you can ask them. Log responses, listening for themes and needs. Better yet: share this work with your whole team and compare notes.
Our churches are both shaped by the community and culture around us, and a mission to that community and culture. Your answers to these questions (family and church) and your discovery of these realities (empathy) are crucial in developing the principles and pillars of your family ministry. (For example, see how Rooted does this in the five pillars for youth ministry).
And dive into …
Discovering, Designing, and Doing
Over the last several years I’ve been strongly influenced by a “design thinking” approach to beginning ministries. Too often we assume we have the right priority or we know people’s needs, and so we launch into solutions: creating programs, hosting classes, or building ministries that may neither aim at right ends nor employ effective means (e.g. we have to have a Sunday School, or students must meet on Sunday nights, or we must do a women’s retreat every year, etc.).
Why not discover what the needs and purposes are, design accordingly, and only then start doing the work in front of you? That lets you always keep going around a circle: continually asking questions, learning from Scripture and from others, and making adjustments or improvements in new iterations or every new year.
So take inventory of your assets: What does your church have beyond spiritual power and wisdom? Physical or financial assets? People (potential leaders and volunteers)? Time or calendar space? Then combine that with what you learned from that empathy exercise—the needs and wants, strengths and weaknesses, desires and dreams of the families in your church and nearby community. Start with this question: How might your church work at the twin purposes of ministering to parents and families and ministering through them by equipping for discipleship at home?
Drafting a Vision and Plan for Your Family Ministry
Make sure it is consistent with your church’s vision. Take time to do the work to gain the endorsement and encouragement of your pastoral leadership. Both parts are important—both a documented vision, and a clear plan for carrying it out. Do not hesitate to put down specific goals, timelines, and “who does what” for each part. It will help you with accountability and earn some trust as you proceed.
Launching Small
Begin with humble confidence and a modest calendar of family ministry programming or opportunities. The goal here is to effectively partner with parents by equipping them for their own God-given ministry, not doing it for them. Choose a few key events (like a workshop, seminar, class, study, or retreat) or initiatives (like distributing resources, adopting a reading plan together, etc.). Each successive year, review them well and then refine and repeat, eliminate, or add something else. Building a practice takes time.
You will not know everything in advance: innovations and iterations will be necessary as local community changes. For example: the demographics of my particular community leave us with very few college students or young adults. So almost all the student ministry volunteers are parents. That creates some wonderful opportunities and challenges we have to embrace and work through. Or the rhythms of our community de-emphasize presence on weekends: so we doubled down on calling for Sunday as a day to prioritize worshiping together, but moved our kids ministry to mid-week where we can lean on great consistency of both kids and leaders to help partner with parents in teaching the Scriptures. Those are not the only right answers or once-for-all answers, but we came to them in our particular community by following some of the steps above.
Remember God’s Grace
And finally, remember one of the great realities of our faith: we may be saved by grace alone and through faith alone, but we are never alone. You have the constant presence of the Spirit or God with you, recreating and empowering you. And you have the wider body of Christ and a marvelous network of people you can learn from and lean on—including the team here at Rooted. Do not be afraid to raise your hand, be known, and ask for help!
If you’re looking for help to begin a family ministry in your church, Rooted now offers a mentorship program for staff and lay ministry leaders.