In a previous article, I shared some spiritual considerations for supervising or leading family ministry staff. When we remember the gospel of grace, we are free to see our work in the church as an expression of our love for Christ and his people.
And yet…work within the church is still work with other people, and it shares the struggles common to all work. You may expect it to be easy, smooth, fun, exciting, meaningful, and fulfilling. But all work is marred by sin and suffers thorns and thistles, failures, and falling short. Add in the reality that ministry is primarily people-focused, and you get all the misunderstandings and miscommunications, mixed motives and messages that plague us when our sinful selves come into contact.
When you start to combine ministry areas (say, children and teenagers) or move to overseeing family ministry more broadly, you will face just such challenges. The practices I mention below aren’t necessarily guardrails against sin; rather, they are wise guides as we work together. [An aside: We should never take for granted the need to maintain our own discipleship to Jesus. It is vital that you be committed to growing in grace, Scripture and prayer, worship, and honesty and confession with one another. Look for ways to encourage this even in your team.]
Who holds you accountable?
To start, remember your “first team,” as Patrick Lencioni has described the teams to which leaders themselves are accountable. If you are going to supervise others or bring collaboration between ministries, you yourself are accountable to someone or some team. Get clear on that, and remember that your first goal is to support and extend the mission, vision, or goals of your church’s leadership team. That will help keep you from thinking about this new opportunity as “your” domain or territory, and from working at cross-purposes with your church. We are individually gifted, but we are a body and we need that body and the accountability it brings.
What are your church’s assets?
Second, look for any existing assets you have. Does your church have shared values that shape its culture? Or are there any values, guidelines, or best practices your staff are expected to adhere to? Note these and make them work to your advantage as you creatively flesh them out with a new team. If you don’t have them, take time to dream some up.
Years ago I benefited from a seminar on shared staff values, in which a family ministry pastor took time to think carefully about what he expected from himself in his work and a) what he expected from others who worked with him and b) what they would commit to as they worked together. Talking time to think through that and put it in writing, paring it down to the essentials, is a wonderful exercise. Communicating those essentials clearly to those who work with you or under you is both vulnerable (shows your heart) and kind (clarifying for them).
How will you work together?
Third, pick a rhythm for how often you meet together face to face to collaborate. This includes both how often you meet all together as a team and individually in a one-on-one meeting with those you supervise. You might be working full time or with those who are part time. You might meet weekly or you might be fine with every other week or once a month.
If you supervise others, learn to be more of a “generalist” while trusting and assisting them as the “specialists” in their areas. But when you meet, pay attention to both the content of your meeting (what you are doing, the “business” together) and the process (the relationships, how you meet, and what dynamics or patterns you want to repeat).
Biblical partnership means sharing more than the work; we share our lives. We are wired for purpose and accomplishment in our work, but also for fellowship and deep relationships. Open your life and heart to those you lead and let them in. Take time to know one another, becoming more honest about how you are showing up and what’s on your plate. Admit how you’re doing and what you’re feeling about all of that. Learn to attend to who the Lord is for you, with you, right in the midst of your work. As the leader—you go first here and set the tone. If you have any doubts here, read Philippians and look for Paul’s affections for his partners in ministry.
Which resources can you access?
Fourth, pay attention to how you answer the big questions for your family ministry as a whole. No resource has been as influential in teaching me healthy systems as Patrick Lencioni’s book on organizational culture, The Advantage, which I can’t recommend enough. He calls for leaders to address six key questions: “Why do we exist? How do we behave? What do we do? How will we succeed? What’s most important, right now? Who must do what?” Those are practical question that lead you to clarity on the culture and work of your team. They have value whether you have decades of tradition or are just beginning something new. And if you are starting from scratch in family ministry, Rooted offers a family mentorship program for just that situation.
The work of these questions is not a solo effort. It necessarily involves collaboration with key people. If it is not obvious to you who can help you in working through these questions and dynamics, talk to your pastoral staff or elders/leadership body. Seek their input on who could be in the room with you to address those questions. As you do, be aware that you may find yourself asking questions your church’s leaders as a whole has not addressed. That’s a hard spot to be in: I’ve been there, and you have my sympathy. It is not easy to provide clear guidance in one area when there is a fog over the whole. Take courage: address what you can and leave the rest to the Lord.
What are your team’s habits?
Finally—and only after you spend time working together—pay attention to your pattern and habits as a team. I would also recommend Lencioni’s classic book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. I have read it several times now with staff members, and it consistently provides both penetrating practices to counter the ways teams go astray and common language you can use in your work together. You’ll probably spot that each of the five dysfunctions prey on our own sinful tendencies (like a pride that resists vulnerability, or a guilt/shame that avoids accountability).
Lencioni’s book calls us to a better kind of community based on truth and grace. Part of this is examining yourself as a leader. How do you manage the anxiety around you and within you? How is the gospel of God’s grace meeting you in your life and work? Consider enlisting the help of a mentor, wise guide, counselor, spiritual director, or even good friends in helping you reflect on how you are doing. As John Calvin noted, knowing yourself better is one of the two avenues into knowing God’s grace for you.
This work is not easy, but it is wonderful and will bear fruit beyond your current ministry role. Never forget that you are known to God, that he calls you his friend, and that in Christ he has brought you into his finished work. The gospel is an invitation to rest in the goodness, righteousness, and glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. It is a ticket to becoming fully alive—not because you can do great work, but because of the great things he has done. Praise him!
Rooted offers a twelve-month family ministry mentorship for ministry staff or laypeople who spearhead parent-equipping ministries in their churches. We hope you’ll consider applying today.
