“You wouldn’t even understand, you don’t even know where your real parents are!”
“Can you even find any baby pictures for the senior video because you are a foster kid?”
“Why don’t you just stop being so emotional about nothing?”
“Why can’t you go to camp with us this year?”
These are actual questions my wife and I heard in our 10-year journey as foster parents. They have been asked to my kids or other foster children I’ve known in ministry. It can feel lonely and hurtful at times to be different in this way at church, and specifically in youth ministry. However, if we are intentional, there are many ways to be a safe space for foster students and their families—living out the gospel in a special way for the glory of God.
In many of our churches, youth ministry is a place for worship, fellowship, fun, and deep conversations about faith. But for some students, the youth group is more than just a weekly gathering—it’s a refuge in the midst of instability. Among these are foster children, whose stories often include loss after loss, many transitions, and a search for belonging. For ministries shaped by a gospel-centered understanding of God’s sovereignty and covenant faithfulness, foster care presents both a challenge and a profound opportunity.
Adoption and the Gospel
Adoption is at the heart of the gospel. We who were once strangers and enemies have been brought near, made sons and daughters of God through Christ (Eph. 2:19; Gal. 4:3-6). This is not a metaphor we merely affirm—it’s a reality we should live in. Foster care, in many ways, reflects this redemptive pattern. It offers an opportunity for the church and student ministry to love without reservation, fully embodying the gospel of Jesus Christ.
For youth ministries, this theological grounding matters. It reminds us that caring for foster children isn’t an “extra” ministry—it’s a natural outworking of the gospel we proclaim. As James says, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before the Lord is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:27). We can also live out the gospel to foster parents by pressing in to support them and welcoming their children into a safe and healthy environment.
The Foster Family Experience
Foster parenting is both beautiful and difficult. Families step into situations that are often messy and unpredictable. Children may arrive with little notice, carrying trauma, confusion, and complex emotions. Schedules change. Expectations shift. Goodbyes can come quickly. It can be both very messy and a wonderful opportunity for the gospel to shine the brightest.
For foster parents who are also part of a church’s youth ministry, this can create unique challenges. Attending weekly gatherings might not always be possible. Behavioral needs may require extra attention. Trust takes time—for both the child and the leaders. I have had a front row seat to this in our own youth ministry, as my son is a junior in high school. My daughter will also join our youth group in the fall.
Youth ministries must resist the temptation to expect foster families to fit a particular mold. Instead, they should ask: “How can we adapt to serve them well?” I am so thankful for our church in Eureka, IL. They have embraced the foster families of our church in such an amazing way. From the senior adults to our youth leaders, the church has welcomed the children and teenagers who have come into our homes, joyfully loving and serving us all.
The Foster Student in the Youth Room
Imagine the feeling of walking into a room for the first time that is full of teenagers who already know each other. Now, imagine doing that while carrying the weight of a new home placement, a new school, and uncertainty about tomorrow. That’s the reality for many foster students. Some respond by being withdrawn. Others act out to test boundaries. Others may avoid any personal questions, and few ever share openly. Their behavior is often shaped by experiences most of their peers cannot see or ever understand.
This is where a gospel-centered youth ministry can shine. When leaders and fellow students are patient, consistent, and compassionate, they reflect the steady love of Christ. As we learn to love well, we can teach all our students and families that church isn’t a social club, but a family! Students in foster families can be welcomed in this church and youth group for however long the Lord has them there—not just to survive, but as members of a family where they can belong and thrive.
Student Ministries Serving Foster Families
Knowing your group’s culture and being sensitive to each family’s needs is key to helping with foster families. Student Minister, here are some ways you can specifically help serve these families well.
1. Prioritize Consistency Over Image
Foster children often experience constant change. A youth ministry that shows up week after week with the same leaders, the same care, and the same message of the gospel can be a powerful source of stability. It is not about creating an image; it is about being a stable family for all involved.
2. Communicate Clearly with Foster Parents
Every placement is different. Some children may have restrictions on photos or transportation. Others may need extra support during activities. Open communication helps avoid misunderstandings and builds trust. Listen well!
3. Cultivate a Culture of Welcome
Teach your students what it means to include others intentionally. Encourage them to notice who is new and to invite, to listen, and to befriend without judgment. We want all the students and the families they are in to thrive and find joy in being a part of our church.
You won’t fix everything. You won’t erase a child’s past or guarantee his future. But you can be present. You can be the leader who remembers his name. The adult who listens without rushing. In God’s providence, even small acts of faithfulness carry eternal weight.
When the Gospel Hits Home
One of the main themes of the gospel is our adoption as sons and daughters of Jesus:
“But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So, you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.” (Gal. 4:4-7).
If your youth ministry has foster families or foster students, take heart: you are stepping into something deeply aligned with the gospel.
We completed the adoption hearing for our three foster kids in May 2020. Due to Covid, the hearing took place on Zoom instead of in person. We could not gather for a celebration during this time either. When our church gathered in our cars for a Sunday night service in June, they surprised us with a celebration by decorating their cars and giving us gifts. Our family felt celebrated and cared for. The church lived out the gospel that evening.
Foster families and students can thrive and find joy in our youth ministries if we are a family to them for however long the Lord allows us to minister to them.
Register for our Rooted 2026 conference, where parents and youth ministry leaders will rediscover what God says about our humanity and how it shapes the way we disciple children and teenagers.
