I remember it as if it were yesterday. As a brand-new intern, I encountered a woman and her children who came into the church office asking for financial support. Her story was tragic. She was blind, couldn’t work, and her family was under unbearable financial hardships. She hoped that the church would care like Jesus and respond to her pleas for help.
After we visited with her and gave her money to cover some bills, she walked out the door, loaded up her kids, and began to drive her car out of the parking lot. In case you missed it, the “blind” lady was now pulling onto the highway, driving her car.
Some might assume a story about supernatural healing, but we suspected that this woman had taken advantage of us with a fictitious story. We had sought to express compassion but experienced yet another person playing the system.
As a young intern, I began to wonder what I should do in similar situations. Should I do a vision test on all people claiming to be “blind”? Do I start to assume the worst of any stranger with a sad story? Should I even care about the struggles of others anymore? These are all questions that help to define a state known as compassion fatigue.
Compassion is seeing the hurts and challenges of others and being moved by Jesus to get involved and do something about it. In Matthew 25, Jesus speaks of calls his disciples to respond to suffering. He reminds them that in neglecting the “least of these” (Matt. 25:45), they would be neglecting him. As we seek to model the love and compassion of Jesus, we are becoming the embodiment of him to the world around us. But what happens when our caring is met with a world of those who might take advantage of us?
Compassion fatigue happens when our state of caring for others leads us to a place of disillusionment, resulting in cynicism. In youth ministry, compassion fatigue could look like tuning out while listening to yet another student tell you how their breakup meant that their “life was over,” or feeling irritated when you hear a parent complain about their children’s lack of faith, though they rarely to church due to sports. Perhaps you feel it when a parent in a crisis seems to expect you as the religious professional to “fix their kid.” Maybe your resentment rises when the family that asked for a scholarship bails on the trip the night before because the student found something more fun to do that week.
We want to express compassion for those we serve, but being unable to fix the consequences of their decisions can lead us to feel helpless or resigned. So how should we express the love and compassion of Jesus to others, even when we have been burned or have been expected to fix something that only a time machine could fix?
Practice Boundaries and Self-Care
Compassion fatigue can be a gateway to personal and spiritual burnout if we aren’t careful. We must ensure that we guard our hearts against cynicism and stay grounded in the grace of Jesus. We must establish personal boundaries and prioritize our own care, both physically and spiritually. And we need to have places for play, Sabbath, and rest so that we can reconnect with who we are and what Jesus has called us to do in our ministries.
Build Systems of Discernment
The “blind” lady in the opening story had clearly been to another church and collected another check before. She was at the very least familiar with the system. Though we don’t want to be skeptical of all people, we need to use godly discernment to determine where people are and how to serve them best. We should pray and seek the Holy Spirit to reveal patterns that may be emerging in someone’s life and ask how we can serve them without making them more unhealthy in the process.
Sometimes even with the best intentions, we will miss the mark. We will help people in ways that aren’t actually helpful, and people who have taken advantage of our kindness will drive on to the next church for another handout. In these moments, we need to remember God’s grace. We often cannot see how God is working, and we know that even though things may seem at times a waste to us, God doesn’t waste anything.
See Each Person as an Individual
One of the struggles of cynicism is that we tend to categorize people into groups, make assumptions, and dismiss them as all being the same. We know that God created each person in his image. Each one has an individual story, journey, and struggles. We need to take the time to see every student and parent in our ministry as an individual, listen to him or her, and discern the ways that God may be calling us to serve and have compassion.
Remember Compassion Comes from God Himself
We can only have compassion for others as the Holy Spirit fills us with God’s love and mercy. In those moments when it is hard to extend God’s compassion to others, we need to remember God’s compassion to us. His compassion was so great that he sent his Son, Jesus, who lived a life without any mistakes or failures that we could never live. He died on the cross for all the consequences of our sins and failures, and he rose again from the dead, allowing us to have a new life free from the sin that held us back. The cross is the ultimate display of compassion.
When we find ourselves falling deep into the cynicism of compassion fatigue, we must remember the compassion Jesus gave us at the cross. We have made mistakes, lied about who we were, and messed up our lives, yet Jesus expressed compassion to us and ultimately rescued and restored us.
So next time you listen to the same soundtrack from a student or parent or you have gone above and beyond for a family only to be dismissed, remember the grace God has given you despite the many times you have done that to God as well. We have been given the great opportunity to express the same compassion and love to those who are messed up and broken all around us. Although they may frustrate us and continue to do the same things repeatedly, Jesus wants to encounter them amid their brokenness and transform them. When we serve others and show compassion, even when it’s difficult and frustrating, we get to show broken people who Jesus is and introduce them to the transformation found only in him.
If you’re looking for more equipping in your ministry to teenagers and their families, Rooted offers training courses that can help. Check out our video training curriculum for your church staff or lay leadership team.
