I was a high school biology teacher before I became a youth director at my current church. I was 26 years old at the time, but my appearance often told a different story. As a petite, 5-foot-tall Vietnamese American woman with a youthful face and a soft, gentle voice, I didn’t fit the image most people associated with authority.
I remember one day, a student aide entered my classroom, looking for me, the teacher. The aide scanned the room and sought out the oldest, “adult-looking” person amongst my ninth grade class. Spoiler: It wasn’t me! That wasn’t the only time this happened. Throughout the school year, fellow staff members regularly stopped me in the hallways and asked me for a hall pass. My own students and their parents would frequently comment on how I look just like one of the students.
It was discouraging. I started to wonder, Do I even belong here? Do I fit what a leader is supposed to look like? The society and culture I have lived in seemed to expect leaders to be taller, louder, and more commanding. I didn’t match that mold at all.
When I moved into my role as a youth director two years later, those insecurities followed me. Most youth pastors I encountered were charismatic, outgoing, sporty, and naturally loud. They could command a room with their presence, lead goofy youth games effortlessly, and exude confidence. Meanwhile, I am socially awkward, need a microphone for my voice to be heard, have zero athletic ability, and am extraordinarily clumsy. My leadership style doesn’t resemble what I had grown up seeing. The strong, outspoken male leaders I had admired seemed so different from me, and I questioned whether I could truly lead in this space.
But as I wrestled with these doubts, God began to reveal something deeper: my leadership didn’t need to look like anyone else’s because he had made me uniquely for his purpose. If you experience insecurities as a woman in ministry, you’re not alone. Here are three truths from Jesus’ ministry to anchor you in him.
1. Jesus’ Leadership Was Defined by Gentleness and Meekness
As I reflected on Jesus’ life, I realized that he didn’t fit the expectations of a typical leader either. The people expected a powerful, dominant king who would rule with force. Instead, Jesus embodied humility, submission, and vulnerability. From his birth in a manger to his death on a cross, Jesus’ leadership was marked by gentleness and meekness.
I began to see how my own personality—my quiet presence, my ability to listen, my natural inclination toward empathy—could be strengths rather than weaknesses. I could connect with the quieter students, the ones who felt overlooked or out of place. My softness was not a limitation; it was a reflection of Christ’s heart.
What about you? Maybe you’re not the loudest voice in the room, but you have the ability to notice who’s sitting alone. Perhaps your calm steadiness helps create a safe place for students to share. Or maybe your thoughtful insights spark deep spiritual conversations in Bible study. These might be the very qualities that make you the kind of leader your students need, the leader God has ordained for them in this time and place.
2. Jesus Loves to Empower the Unlikely
One of the most powerful moments in Scripture that affirms women in ministry is the resurrection story. When Jesus rose from the dead, the first people to whom he appeared were women. In that time and culture, women were not considered reliable witnesses, yet Jesus intentionally chose them to be the first to witness and proclaim the gospel.
If Jesus empowered the overlooked and unlikely, why would I doubt that he could use me? The world may have its own expectations of what leadership should look like, but Jesus repeatedly disrupted those expectations. He called fishermen, tax collectors, and women—people the world would have dismissed—to be key players in his kingdom. And here’s the good news: Jesus can use you, too! If you’ve ever felt out of place in ministry, take heart. Jesus sees you, values you, and wants to use your voice in powerful ways.
3. Jesus Uses a Diverse Body to Fulfill His Mission
God designed the body of Christ to be diverse. A healthy ministry needs both men and women, introverts and extroverts, planners and visionaries.
I have come to realize that my leadership doesn’t need to imitate someone else’s. Instead of trying to be a louder or more commanding leader, I have leaned into the strengths God has given me: I am intentional, deeply relational, and able to create spaces where students feel truly seen and heard.
Where I once felt like an outsider in youth ministry, I now see my identity as a gift. It is good that I am a Vietnamese American woman in youth ministry. It is good that I lead differently than my male counterparts. The diversity of gifts within the Church reflects the creativity of our Creator, and I am learning to celebrate that instead of questioning it.
The church needs your unique voice and your unique strengths too. Don’t underestimate the ways God uses your presence to bring him glory and to advance his kingdom.
Embracing Our Calling
I won’t pretend that my insecurities as a woman in youth ministry have completely disappeared. There are still moments when I feel out of place or inadequate. But in those moments, I remind myself of the truths God has been showing me:
- Leadership isn’t about fitting a mold; it’s about faithfully stewarding what God has given me.
- My voice matters, even if it’s quieter than others.
- I don’t have to be “one of the guys” to be effective in youth ministry.
God doesn’t call us because we are the most qualified—he calls us because he is faithful. As I continue to grow in my role, my prayer is that more women will see that they, too, have a place in ministry. Our presence isn’t just needed—it’s essential.
If you’re looking for gospel-centered community and training for youth and family ministry, register today for Rooted’s annual conference in Chicago, IL October 23-25.
