If summer had a highlight reel, it would be full of smiling families on road trips. The kids snooze peacefully, parents look surprisingly put together, everyone somehow…happy.
At least, that’s what it looks like online.
The reality of one of our family fun trips looks different. It started with a missed flight after an argument with my husband. He insisted we leave earlier than what I deemed necessary (of course). That turned into a rescheduled and then canceled flight, ending with an unplanned 18-hour road trip in a way too small rental car. Our car featured three arguing kids (primarily fighting over someone’s leg touching someone else’s leg, of course), and one very confused dog who felt the need to bark every time the kids argued. It also entailed a lost phone and backtracking for said lost phone (eventually found in my own bag, of course). Not to mention a memorable 2:00 a.m. stop that involved dry-heaving on the side of the road.
It was not the “fun family adventure” I would have chosen.
But somewhere between the chaos, the complaints, and the complete lack of sleep, I started to realize something. The moments that don’t go as planned – the ones we would never post about– might be the very ones God uses most in our families. Because sometimes making the most of a family vacation doesn’t start when everything goes right…sometimes it starts when everything falls apart (Rom. 8:28).
Naming the Disappointment
No parent is immune to the real-life stresses and disappointments that disrupt our attempt for perfect summer getaways. Financial limitations, family tension, illness, and everything in between threaten to turn our fun adventures into times of stress and unease. In these moments, it’s important to remember and to model for our children that God is not absent in the disruption, but it is often in disappointment that he meets families most clearly (Isa. 43:2).
This summer will bring vacations, getaways, and even well-planned “fun-filled” days that don’t go as expected. When this happens, there is often a felt need to act like everything’s fine and sweep the disappointment under the rug.
Sometimes we fear being honest with our kids about our disappointments. Instead of naming the truth that this isn’t how we or they imagined it, our tendency is to slap on a smile to cover up the tension. We want our kids to remain happy, after all.
But I don’t think that typically helps. What our kids may need when plans are altered is honest acknowledgment about the frustration and disappointment (Eph. 4:25). And then they need to see what it looks like to move forward from it.
What’s so profound about our God is that he meets us in our weakness, not just in nicely curated moments. Model emotional honesty for your kids. Then show them how precious it is that we can take those emotions to our Savior (Ps. 62:8).
Jesus does not scoff at our disappointment. He welcomes our burdens (Matt. 11:28) and he laments with his people (Jn. 11:35). So, when well-meaning events are disrupted, name the frustration, and then pray with your kids. Give God the honest disappointment. Ask him to provide the grace and patience needed for whatever he has planned.
Shifting from Control to Presence
I know a mother whose number one goal every summer is to “make memories.” I love this well-intentioned goal, but sometimes we assume that making memories means big gestures. In turn, we sacrifice simple presence with our kids for the “memorable” activity itself.
When our goal is to ensure that our best-laid plans will be something our kids will remember forever, we are, frankly, setting ourselves up for big disappointment when those plans are altered. This doesn’t mean forgoing the planning of special trips and excursions, but we need to do them, truly believing that we don’t ultimately have control. Even saying out loud, “we’re taking a Disney Cruise, Lord willing,” changes our posture toward our rigid plans (James 4:13-15).
And when interruptions happen, rather than relenting to anger or feeling like a failure as a parent, we can see these moments as invitations from God. He often works in the ordinary more than he does the spectacular.
So, turning a ruined outing into a meaningful conversation with a child is a way of redeeming an unplanned moment. Having to stay back with a sick kid and miss out on the “memory making” activity may be God’s way of slowing you both. Perhaps he’s handing you precious moments with a child who needs one-on-one attention more than you know.
Loosen the grip on your well-intended plans. Look for the ways God redirects for your good, for your child’s good, and for his glory.
Resisting Comparison and Cultural Pressure
I think our grave disappointment over our family fun not going as planned comes largely from social media’s highlight reels.
We scroll, and zoom, and wish, and want, and then our sinful nature opens the door wide for envy to take root. To be clear, Satan loves this. He will use our insecurities, our envious hearts, and the unrealistic pressures of our culture to make us believe that we must create a picture-perfect childhood for our kids to flourish.
That’s simply not true.
And what is picture perfect, anyway? What’s funny is when I think back on that seemingly disastrous trip, what I remember along with the frenzied moments is laughing at a podcast we all listened to. I remember praying together. I can still recall my husband’s gentle hand squeezing my shoulder when he said, “It’ll work out.” We laugh about that adventure now as a core family memory.
You know what I don’t remember? The vacation itself. I can’t even remember where exactly we were coming from. Sometimes our kids need simple presence, honest faith, and sincere love more than they do extravagant experiences. And we need the reminder that God can redeem even the hardest of moments.
Ultimately, our hope as parents is not in our family’s perfect experiences but in Christ’s finished work. He will give you the grace and strength needed to redeem disrupted plans in a way that brings him glory.
What’s your goal this summer? Is it a flawless summer? That will likely not happen. Perhaps instead, we can encourage one another toward family formation over family fun. The fun will come, and when it doesn’t, we can rest knowing that nothing is wasted. Because even in the detours, the delays, and the disappointments, God is still forming hearts, deepening faith, and doing far more than any perfectly planned vacation ever could.
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