I recently left my youth ministry position. I got a job offer that I felt like I couldn’t refuse because it seemed perfect for my family. My wife and I thought and prayed about it, and we felt at peace. So we took the job, left the church, and moved away. We were so excited about this opportunity! It seemed hand-tailored for us. But there was one thing I had to do before I could go to this job. I had to leave my youth group.
Like most youth ministers, I loved my students. The idea of telling them I was leaving made me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I can’t promise I was the greatest seminary student ever—but I don’t remember the class on how to tell the teenagers you have spent a few years ministering to that you might not ever see them again.
So, I thought about how to leave well. I wanted to leave in a way that was honoring to my students and my church. I didn’t want my moving on to make my students believe I didn’t care about them. And I didn’t want our volunteers to think I had used them. In short, I didn’t want my leaving to become a stumbling block for future ministry in this group.
So I asked friends in ministry how they had left past positions in youth ministry. One of the things I learned quickly was that many people struggle to leave well. A good friend of mine—someone whom I respect a great deal—told me how he had left a youth group at one point. After a youth service one night, he flippantly told his students “oh by the way, I took a job and I’m leaving.” My friend quickly found out that he had deeply hurt some of his students with this approach.
I’m by no means an expert, and how you contextualize the thoughts that follow will be unique for your particular setting. But here are three priorities that will be helpful to keep in mind if you ever find yourself in the midst of a transition away from a youth group.
1. Communicate Clearly
One thing I tried hard to do well was to communicate clearly throughout the process. Proverbs 12:18 tells us that reckless words pierce like a sword but wise words bring healing. A youth minister’s leaving his or her role is not an easy thing for students. Over your time leading this youth ministry you have become a part of their life. They have grown accustomed to seeing you at ball games and musicals. You’ve become a trusted source of wisdom and guidance for them. You are a part of the regular weekly liturgy of their lives. And that is now being disrupted.
We would be wise to follow the Proverbs 12:18, avoiding speaking recklessly and striving for wisdom in our speech. One part of wise communication is providing your students with as much information as you can about the process. Let your students know exactly when you’re leaving, when your last youth group will be, when your last Sunday will be, and any other dates of this nature. Also to the degree that you are able, let your students in on the process of replacing you. Tell them about the process your church will undergo to hire someone. Communicating about these two aspects of your departure will help your students process your news, and it will offer comfort that things will be okay.
2. Honor your students.
One thing is absolutely necessary for a youth ministry and that’s teenagers. Try having a youth ministry with no students and you’ll find out quickly it’s not much of a youth ministry! Your students are rockstars. You need a way to show your students how much you love and appreciate them as part of the ministry. I struggled a lot to think of how to do this.
Thankfully, I have friends who are wiser than I am, and one of these friends gave me a really excellent idea. For my last teaching time with my students I did a small devotional on Genesis 49. This passage is significant as the patriarch Jacob prepares for his death. At the end of his life, he gathers his sons together and offers each one a unique blessing. After my short devotional on Jacob, I turned to my students one by one and gave each a blessing.
Now, I am not Jacob and my students were not my children. But I think Jacob’s story offers a model of leadership transition we can learn from. Honoring our students before we leave them reassures them, gives them confidence, and spurs them on in their faith. I’m sure there are better ways to accomplish this than what I did, but from the responses I got from my students, I can say this meant a lot to them.
3. Be Sober-Minded.
I remember the first time I went to a fair as a kid. There was a line to a “horror house.” To be honest, I was terrified, but I had to be cool in front of my friends. So I waited in line with them. When we finally got inside, the sound system was blaring what can only be described as creepy clown music. I hated it. One of the rooms I hated the most was the room of distorted mirrors. Everywhere I looked, I saw a distorted reality of myself! We youth ministers have a tendency to look at ourselves this way. Often we aren’t great at self-assessment. We tend to think either too highly of ourselves in ministry or to see ourselves as too lowly. Paul encourages us to be sober-minded in our judgment of ourselves in Romans 12:3.
If you find yourself struggling with insecurity about your ministry in the midst of transition, it is important to remember that the Lord has used you in big ways in your students’ relationships with Christ! Don’t take this transition lightly or flippantly with your students. Acknowledge that as exciting as this time may be for you, your students may not feel the same way—and that’s okay.
If you struggle with being overconfident in your ministry, remember, you are an important part of their spiritual lives, but you are not, cannot, and never could be the most important person in their journey. You are a great youth minister! But you are a sinner. Your student’s hope is not in you, but in Jesus Christ.
Keeping a sober view of yourself throughout your transition will help you to leave well. It will keep you from self-importance and from flippancy, which can be equally damaging.
You will not leave your youth ministry perfectly. Some of the goodbyes will be awkward.You will think of things you wish you would have said after you’ve already left. But that’s okay. When we are in Christ, goodbyes are only “see you laters.” If not in this life, then in the next. That is our hope. In the loss both you and your teenagers feel at your leaving, hold onto the hope of glory, when together we will be with Christ forever.
Looking for support and encouragement in youth or family ministry? Join us for the Rooted Conference October 24-26, 2024 in Dallas, Texas.
