Imagine your brothers throwing you in a dark pit right after your father has gifted you a beautiful coat and bestowed favor on you.
In the last chapters of Genesis, Joseph is thrown into a pit, sold into Egyptian slavery, and eventually promoted to be the governor of Egypt. But I’m sure when he is in the bottom of that dark, scary pit, he is not imagining that God might make him a ruler of Egypt during a famine, or that he will someday help save his brothers and many others from starvation.
The road from pit to palace is not easy for Joseph. He faces danger and wrongful imprisonment. God does not immediately deliver Joseph from troubles, but he never leaves Joseph, even at the bottom of the pit. God’s continued presence helps Joseph remain faithful. He prays to the Lord and makes good decisions to honor and follow him above all.
Towards the end of the story, when Joseph is a ruler in Egypt, providing for the people through an extended famine, Joseph confronts a choice to either hold a grudge or to forgive. His brothers come to him asking for relief from the famine and Joseph chooses redemption and grace rather than hate and anger. Joseph first tests them to see if they are truly sorry for what they did and to see if they have changed. Joseph struggles to choose forgiveness and sheds tears over the decision. In the end, he is able to tell his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Gen. 50:20). What a gift, to receive this perspective towards people who sinned against him.
Practical Guidance for Parents
As a sinful human, raising sinful little humans whom I love dearly, I am incapable of Joseph-like forgiveness without God. I long for healing and forgiveness in broken relationships, and I want to teach my children to live towards this goal as well. God is the only granter of enough grace to cover all the sin in the world. As parents, we believe this and ask him to forgive us and our children.
Forgiving people who have hurt us (or our children) does not mean God does not care or value our pain and hurts. These are real emotions. He just does not want them to rule our hearts and steal the abundant life he has for us on the other side of forgiveness. If Joseph had not let God give him forgiveness and love for his brothers, he would have made very different choices for himself and his family.
A helpful model of godly forgiveness is to let go of “my feelings” (such as anger, resentment) for a person and ask God for “his feelings” (kindness and compassion) towards them. Colossians 3:13 says we are to, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of us has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
As a mother to three children, I aim to model this method of swapping God’s feelings for my own when people hurt me or past resentments come up.
For example, my middle school daughter often comes to my husband and me to share her current feelings about her little brother and sister. Encouraging her to love her brother when he smacks her in the face with his shoe is a challenge. She often has to step out of her own sinful desire to get angry and smack him back harder, and step into the choice to let God tell her how to feel care and love in the moment.
Like in Joseph’s story, these moments often lead to tears. The choice to choose love and forgiveness over hate is extremely challenging. My daughter sometimes chooses to pulverize her brother back. The back-and-forth hurting can last a while, until one or both of them are able to step out of the situation and allow their hardened hearts to be softened. I often walk them through this and explain that they need to ask and offer each other forgiveness, but I can not make them do this. Only Jesus can take on that heart-changing job. No matter how long it takes, the joy our children feel after they choose to forgive and repent and love each other is like none other. I believe Jesus feels the same way as he parents us.
Teaching Forgiveness Is Difficult and Personal
Like all of us, I have been hurt by family and friends. The decision to forgive can take years of work. I often have to do it over and over again. Like Jesus says in Matt 18:22, we must forgive not seven times but 70 times seven times. We do not always forget past hurts easily, but we do get to choose how we let these pains shape the way we go forward in these relationships. Holding a grudge hurts us way more than it hurts the begrudged (Heb 12:15).
Joseph was a sinner and a bragger, yet he allowed God’s love and forgiveness to flow through his life and filter out his resentment and hate. If he had not done that, he would have missed out on so many good things God had for him. Our hearts need Jesus to help us forgive others, and to live the abundant life God has for us. As parents, let us live out and pass down this message of grace. We can only forgive because we have been forgiven.
For more gospel-centered parenting resources, be sure to check out Rooted’s Family Discipleship Curriculum.