As youth ministers, we are no strangers to the mental health crisis facing the teenagers we serve. LifeWay Research recently highlighted a new study revealing a correlation between young people’s resilience in mental health and their sense of belonging in community. The study suggests that ministry leaders can help to prevent mental health struggles by helping teenagers to feel welcomed and known. In this series, we explore the different ways youth ministers can lean into Rooted’s pillar of relational discipleship to create a culture of belonging, welcoming teenagers as God has welcomed us in Christ.
I was in the midst of my usual hectic routine of getting ready for the youth service to begin. While I was frantically moving back and forth across the church, two parents stopped to talk. “Couldn’t this wait,” I thought? But from the looks of their countenance and posture, the matter seemed serious.
These two mothers of sixth graders had heard enough from their children about how they weren’t fitting into the ministry or feeling welcomed. Engaging in the youth group was not high on these students’ priority lists, leaving their bewildered parents to fight the uphill battle of including them in the church they loved.
From the parents’ perspective, there appeared to be a lack of focus on integrating new kids into the ministry. Of course, as the person in charge of the ministry, that blame fell on my shoulders.
The Fork in the Road
There are two general directions a youth minister can take in such a situation. You can dismiss your critics as helicopter parents who want everything to be “just right” and simply mention that relationship building takes time and effort, never to return to the matter again.
But there’s also the less-traveled route: eat the humble pie, admit structural weakness, and figure out what adjustments need to be made to make sure that future youth don’t fall through the cracks. To this day, I am glad I chose the latter. The more I listened to these parents, the more I saw the importance of their request.
Even a cursory reading of Scripture will reveal that God looks out for the weak, the downtrodden and the oppressed. Psalm 68:5-6 tells us that God is “a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows […] God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing.”
Jesus often went out of his way to accommodate those who weren’t part of the “in-crowd.” Remember the woman who came and poured out her expensive perfume on him? He gave her special attention in the midst of a dinner with the religious elite. He was so welcoming to her that one of them grumbled: “if this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner” (Luke 7:39).
As Jesus demonstrates, reaching out to new students—those on the margins—is crucial if we are to be effective in youth ministry. I have learned that dedicated events, communication, and equipping student leaders can help youth workers minister to new students and those on the margins.
Have a Dedicated Welcome Event for New Students
In response to my conversation with the two parents, I decided to host a gathering in my home for sixth and seventh graders toward the beginning of the school year. While the entertainment value in our home may not be as high as some, I have found that it is not the most important thing. What matters is that students are together with people with whom they can build relationships; those who can communicate to them: “I value you and you belong in this ministry.”
I understand that hosting may be too much for you as a youth pastor, especially if you don’t live in a townhome or single-family home. Perhaps try having one of your leaders or a parent host as an alternative. What ultimately what matters is that you are there to build relationships with students in a comfortable, welcoming environment.
Get Students on a Distribution List
As much as you can, get contact information of newcomers and their parents. I was super aggressive with this in early days (thank you, sales background!). Even though it may no longer be the first thing I ask, it is still important to get this information early on.
It is vitally important to have some kind of regular communication with the group via email, some type of mass texting application, or social media. Because not all parents allow their students to have social media or cell phones, I have found that email is often best. However, having other forms of communication as a supplement can go a long way.
If you have weekly communication, you can begin informing both students and parents about all of your ministry events within a few days’ time. This is especially helpful for parents to see a more long-term view of the ministry structure as they make adjustments to their schedules accordingly. Although this may appear to be tedious or mundane, it goes a long way in creating a welcoming environment for new students— as well as veteran ones.
Use Students to Welcome Other Students
I can be exceptional in the area of welcoming new students, but at the end of the day, in their eyes, I am just an old guy with kids. If I am the only friend that a student has at youth group, they won’t last very long. Students need other students to feel welcome.
In my early days, I tried connecting students with similar backgrounds. For example, if a middle school boy or girl would come, I would introduce them to another middle schooler of the same age, gender, or with similar interests.
That wouldn’t always go so well. Often times, the newcomers were sadly greeted with dirty looks from disinterested kids.
What I have found to work well is to mentor natural student leaders in order to help them to create a culture of welcoming. These students are often highly invested in the ministry and want others to be a part of it. Plus, they tend to have better social skills. Often, it is with these students that newcomers find the most welcome and connection.
God’s grace and provision often happens in places we least expect it. Five years after that initial conversation with his mother, one of those sixth graders is now on our leadership team. I would meet with the other one regularly for drum lessons and he recently expressed interest in serving in the worship band. Even without in-person meetings during the pandemic, his parent shared that he visibly engaged in his room while watching online and would make encouraging comments about how the messages were impacting him.
Think about that: when most churchgoers dropped off the face of the planet, he was as engaged as anyone, even if limited to a computer screen.
Students need to be welcomed, but what they need most is someone who displays the character of Jesus: a Jesus who died for them though they were sinners and who gladly welcomes all into his family, regardless of race, popularity, or social status.
As youth ministers, it is imperative that we take the extra time to help our new students and those on the margins know that there is a savior that loves them and wants them to be part of God’s family. Yes, we are welcoming students into our youth group, but we are even more so welcoming them into the banquet hall of God’s abundant feast with his people.
