One January in my early teens, my dad decided that our family was going to fast from social media for 30 days. It was time for that typical beginning-of-the-year fast for many hoping to seek God in the New Year, but I could not believe that this was what my dad had chosen. I was an emerging teenager at the exact time popular social media platforms were finding their way onto smartphones across the world. I thoroughly enjoyed my daily scrolls on Facebook and Instagram, the funny pictures traded between friends on Snapchat, and the pain in my belly from laughing at videos on Vine (the TikTok before TikTok).
Now, I had to endure an entire month without this consistent entertainment. What would I do in moments of boredom between classes or while waiting in line? How would I avoid eye contact with someone I knew from school when I saw them in public? To make matters worse, the fast was during my birthday month. I wouldn’t get to bask in the usual love and celebration I experienced on my birthday. What would make me feel special on my special day now?
Despite my initial resistance, I made it through the fast, and it became easier to avoid social media as the month went on. Looking back, I recognize the triviality of my original concerns. But they demonstrate the anxiety teenagers often feel when considering a world without social media.
A Growing Problem
My generation, Generation Z, has been deemed the “Anxious Generation” by social psychologist Jonathan Haidt due to social media’s overtaking of our childhoods. Widespread research has revealed that social media platforms have strategically engineered their algorithms to make consumers addicts, particularly teenagers. Social media is even more of a temptation for children now than when I was coming-of-age.
It isn’t just a problem for teenagers, though. Parents are faced with the dire task of helping their children navigate the virtual world. Thanks to still-maturing brains, they need help discerning their way through the noise of social media. They require guidance to form the best habits and make the best choices when they are engaging with society online. Though there are many dangers on the internet, you can help your children consume social media in a healthy way by teaching them digital discernment. Teenagers often seek comfort, joy, connection, and identity through the virtual world. But helping them learn discernment with social media can move them to meet such needs through their relationship with God, who “will supply all [their] needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).
Strategy One: Reflective Questions
The first strategy you can use to help your children determine the best content and creators is to guide them through simple, reflective questions. For example, you can teach them to consider, “Who or what is this content pointing me to? What are my affections being drawn toward?” Some online communities, like the TikTok community known as “BookTok,” are clear about their goals—they are pointing book lovers toward diverse literature to read. Other content may not be so clear and can promote extreme expressions of political ideologies, gender stereotypes, or other values that aren’t aligned with the kingdom of God.
Some creators exist purely to critique or tear others down. This leads to another important question for teenagers to ponder: “How does this content make me feel about myself or other people (especially those who are different from me)?” I’ve encountered many social media accounts that seek to inform others about how to serve vulnerable communities such as the unhoused, victims of human trafficking, or immigrants. They seek to foster a spirit of love, empathy, and generosity, unlike some creators who cultivate unnecessary fear and distrust by spreading false and harmful information about such marginalized groups.
A final question for you to guide your children to ask is, “How do I feel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually after I have consumed this content?” Social media platforms are after their minds, hoping to keep them online for as long as possible. It is imperative that teenagers take inventory of their hearts and minds as they discern their best practices for social media use. Is this account consistently causing them to compare their lives to others? Does this creator help them learn more about Christ, or instead cause confusion by presenting competing narratives?
There is no escape from encountering content that may be challenging to one’s faith or emotional state. Frankly, such content can be good at times to foster awareness and maturity. On the other hand, the virtual world can lead to disconnection from God, self, and others. Recognizing this phenomenon requires teenagers to be sensitive to their mental, emotional, and spiritual health. This awareness can be cultivated by using reflective questions.
Strategy Two: Intentional Engagement
Another way parents can help their children practice digital discernment is by encouraging them to be intentional while on social media. Online platforms fill our feeds with suggested content, hoping that we will continue scrolling. But the reality is that what the algorithm shows us is heavily determined by what we browse. In order to maintain our interest, various platforms pay attention to the content we like, repost, share, comment on, and pause to watch. Every interaction online produces new content to explore.
While total control may not be possible, intentionality plays a crucial part in whether a teenager’s time online is positive or negative. Therefore, talk with your children about the type of content they partake in and if it is worthwhile. If teenagers are cautious about what they engage with, the temptations that often come with social media are less likely to arise and arrest their attention.
Strategy Three: Digital Discipline
Lastly, one of the most effective ways that you can help your children develop good habits and make safe decisions with technology is by encouraging and modeling discipline. In an ideal scenario, our teenagers will listen to what we say. Most often, they observe what we do. Children who witness you prioritizing the virtual world are more likely to do so themselves. It is dangerously easy to use social media to fill every empty space in our days. However, Scripture teaches us that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23).
You can help your children by becoming living examples of what it looks like to control your online consumption. Seek in-person connections with your teenager and others. Choose and encourage conversations over scrolling while you’re at the dinner table, on the way home from school, or in line at the store. Help them discover and indulge in non-digital aspects of their lives—the parts that don’t require “likes” or outside approval. While social media can be captivating, there are also safeguards available to support discipline, such as time limits for apps and focus mode for your phone. Despite the crafty engineering social media uses in pursuit of our attention, we still have autonomy over our existence within the virtual world. Parents can enforce or encourage these safeguards to help their teenagers become responsible online consumers.
Finding True Fulfillment
Ultimately, there will always be room for growth as society navigates the ever-evolving digital world. There will always be competing voices, addictive algorithms, and an overabundance of information. Nevertheless, parents can guide their teenagers through the noise by promoting and portraying genuine reflection, persistent intentionality, and consistent discipline. Above all, they must be encouraged to “do [their] best to present [themselves] to God as one approved” (2 Tim. 2:15). By learning to live for God alone, teenagers may experience a peace and assurance that surpasses any validation that social media may bring. In him, they will always find the comfort, joy, and connection they seek in the virtual world. Only God fulfills the promises that social media doesn’t keep.
Our Discipling Your Teenager curriculum offers help on difficult topics like this one as parents try to raise their children in a gospel-centered way.
