Not long ago that I sat with a friend who expressed the hard reality that her teenager no longer wanted to attend church. “Do I make him go?” she asked, sounding defeated.
Prior to having teenagers, I probably would have answered quickly: “Why is this a battle? You’re the parent! Simply strap them in and make them go.” But I have too much first-hand experience with teenage resistance, and I realize it’s not that simple.
When my kids were toddlers, I could buckle them in the car seat, and they would innocently ask, “Where are we going, Momma?” They followed without question. Teenagers, however, are different. Sometimes getting them to follow our lead feels more like a battle – we can’t just strap them in and expect they will follow willingly. Church is one of the places where we might experience this kind of battle.
A teen resisting church is a familiar struggle for many parents. Statistics show this trend is likely to continue for the next generation. But even when it’s hard, we must not lose sight of the importance of worship in our teen’s lives. With God’s strength and wisdom, we’re called to both empathize with and exhort our teens toward attending church.
Whether they have professed faith in Jesus or not, our teens need corporate worship.
Empathize With Your Teenager
When a teen resists attending worship, our instinct may be to jump immediately to exhortation. But listening – really listening – must come first. Empathy lays the groundwork for deeper conversations and heart-level growth.
Surely, you’ve had Sundays when you simply didn’t feel like going to church yourself. Teens experience similar struggles: lack of motivation, relationship hurts, boredom, and even doubts about their faith.
Before we respond, we should ask questions. Listen more than you speak and try to discern what’s truly going on in their heart. Here are a few practical ways to show empathy:
Acknowledge Their Feelings as Valid – Instead of rushing to solutions, validate their emotions—whether it’s frustration, exhaustion, or doubt. Teenagers often wrestle with complex pressures that color their view of church. You might say, “I hear that you’re frustrated with church. Let’s talk about why.”
Dig Deeper into Their Resistance – Surface reasons like “church is boring” often mask deeper struggles. Gently ask questions that invite honesty: “Is there something about the people there? A particular teaching you’re wrestling with?”
Connect Their Gifts to Worship– If your teen feels disconnected, look for ways they can serve. Sometimes, feeling needed sparks a new desire to engage. I know a teen who became excited about church after joining the worship team—because she was contributing and forming relationships.
Listening leads you to your child’s heart. What’s most important in our teen’s faith journey is their relationship with Jesus. Our child’s salvation and their love for the church is not dependent on us. You are not responsible for saving your child, and the church can’t do that for them either. Rest in that promise and then listen with love and patience.
Exhort Your Teenager
Listening doesn’t mean we avoid exhorting our teens toward worship. Scripture calls parents to actively disciple their children in the Lord, and worship is at the center of a life dedicated to Jesus.
In Deuteronomy 6, God commands his people to love him with heart, soul, and strength – and to diligently pass this love to their children. One way we do this is by modeling and prioritizing the worship of God in his church.
Corporate worship touches on every aspect of the Christian life. It recenters us on Jesus, reminding us of who he is and who we are in him. Making worship a non-negotiable part of family life teaches our teens that loving God isn’t optional or occasional – it’s foundational. [AH1]
The church matters deeply to Jesus. Ephesians 5 tells us that Christ loves the church so much that he gave his life for her. His love, marked by sacrifice, gives the church beauty beyond its imperfections and honor despite its inadequacies. And it plays a vital role in cultivating a legacy of faith. You cannot love Jesus and dismiss his church. [AH2]
If we believe this to be true, then we must prioritize church attendance as a family. Our teens need worship as much as we do, so when a child is living under your roof, it’s reasonable to expect that they join the family in worship, even if they wrestle with belief or harbor doubts.
They don’t have to agree with everything preached. They don’t have to have their faith perfectly figured out. But the practice of gathering with the body of Christ—the life liturgy of weekly worship—can shape hearts over time in ways we may not immediately see.
Mom, dad, you’re not battling against your teen, you’re battling for your teen. And that’s a battle worth fighting.
Entreat God on Behalf of Your Teenager
Above all, we must pray. No conversation, expectation, or strategy is more powerful than going to Jesus on behalf of your child.
Pray for your teen’s experience in worship:
- That they would be warmly welcomed by someone in the congregation.
- That their heart would be softened to hear the gospel.
- That the singing of God’s people would awaken a sense of awe.
- That God would reveal both their sin and their need for a Savior.
And then trust.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Prov. 3:5) Trust that Jesus loves your teenager more than you do. Trust that the God who pursued your heart will pursue theirs. Trust that even when you can’t see it, he is at work. We serve a great God who does great wonders for his people, including our beloved children.
Though it may sometimes feel like a battle, bringing our teens into worship is undeniably worth it. Keep listening, keep exhorting, and above all, keep trusting the God who is faithful to every generation.
For more gospel-centered parent resources, check out the Rooted Parent podcast.
