Years ago, I received an email from Julie, a mother tormented.
What began as a pinprick of jealousy rapidly morphed into a colossal cluster of sour grapes. The contagion of rotten fruit lodged itself deeply within the crevices of her soul, its rancid tentacles clutching and choking her.
“Help!” she said.
Envy sprouted at her son’s first high-school basketball game. Travis enjoyed sports and had been blessed with tall stature—a combination that stirred endless dreams in Julie’s heart as she anticipated future glory. She pined for shiny trophies, media accolades, scholarships, and free college. Just imagine! Her son might become famous and gift her a beach house, a sailboat… She could almost feel her manicured toes warmed by the sun-soaked coastal sand.
Her longings soared.
Travis’s new friend David was a fellow teammate of average height. On game day, Julie watched as David’s parents climbed into the bleachers. The couple’s countenances were happy and carefree. Julie felt a stab of jealousy as she noticed their calm demeanor, friendly smiles, and relaxed conversation with other parents.
Despite his prodigious height, it soon became apparent that Travis was a mediocre player, unlike David, who proved phenomenal. Despite being well under six feet, David swished baskets effortlessly, jogging the court with ease. He was generous to boot, frequently passing the ball to his teammates.
Julie bit the inside of her cheek, elbowing her husband. “Why don’t they give Travis a chance to score?”
He laughed. “Travis isn’t a natural shooter, honey. Give him time. He squeezed her hand. Wow! That David is something else! “
On cue, David swished a three-pointer, and the fans stood, erupting in cheers. Julie’s husband even pumped his fist and whistled—a shrill noise that irked Julie.
Why couldn’t her son shine? Unfair! And why was her husband still cheering? she thought.
She stewed throughout the rest of the game, and when they stopped for pizza on the way home, she continued to simmer. Feeling sorry for herself, Julie pushed her salad around and around her plate. She sulked as Travis and her husband relived the entire victory, clearly having the time of their lives, though she could not fathom why.
Finally, her husband nudged her.
“Honey? Did you hear what I said? Travis had sixteen assists!” He glowed with delight as he studied Travis. “I am so proud of you, son. What a team player!”
Travis thanked him.
“Mom! Isn’t David great? I am so glad he’s on the team. Super nice guy.”
Julie nodded at her lanky son, feeling miserable. Assists would not deliver trophies or scholarships or beach houses.
“I have a headache,” she moaned, jealousy her sole companion, leaving her tired, lonely, and dissatisfied. And to top it off? Now she was lying. There was no headache.
As they exited the restaurant, David and his family entered. The boys high-fived, and Julie’s husband shook hands all around. Julie suddenly despised him in her heart—this man whom she had long loved. Who did he think he was? The mayor?
David’s mother approached Julie, her eyes warm and kind. “Maybe you and I can join forces and plan a party for the boys at season’s end? I am thrilled our sons are friends.”
She smiled pleasantly, and Julie feigned likewise, while hot, churning resentment boiled inside.
“Maybe… I am terribly busy.”
There she went, lying again.
//
Envy and jealousy are sour diseased fruit, with roots anchored in Satan.
“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” (James 3:14-16 ESV)
James tells us the truth plainly.
I reminded Julie that, as parents, we must be on guard. If we allow a speck of jealousy to remain in our souls, we will become slaves to Satan.
Envy and jealousy are sins of greed, ravaging and devouring souls.
Decades ago, I was ensnared by envy when we could not afford a nursery for our firstborn. My husband was working hard so that I could be a stay-at-home mother. Caleb’s crib lay at the foot of our bed, and I did not mind. I was happy—enchanted at spending my days with our little one.
Life was simple and good…
Until one day two of my friends began discussing plans to renovate their babies’ nurseries—with colors and furniture extraordinaire. Jealousy took root, and I became grumpy, contemplating the severity of my life. It darkened my countenance for days.
One ordinary evening I lingered at the sink, my hands scrubbing dishes in hot, sudsy water, when I heard laughter and giggling. Peeking around the corner into our living room, I observed my husband, sprawled on the carpet, giving our baby a wild airplane ride.
Caleb kicked his chunky legs, blond hair damp from bathtime. He was clean, handsome, and laughing in sheer delight. The scene was lovely.
So lovely that it jolted me from my stupor. I awakened to my sin.
God gave me eyes to see my ugliness of spirit: sour grapes of envy tangling and infecting our home, poisoning my precious family, threatening dear friendships, and wreaking havoc upon my soul.
I swiftly repented, apologizing to God, as the peace of Christ filled my heart.
My eyes softened, scanning our humble apartment. Rather than seeing a miniscule kitchen, I savored God’s kindness. Alphabet magnets dotted a refrigerator of food that was somehow always enough. I stood at the edge of our bedroom and glimpsed Caleb’s simple white crib, which seemed beautiful once again—inexpensive furniture that kept our little one safe and comfortable, filled with clean sheets and a cotton blanket. It was more than enough.
//
Puritan John Owen spoke of the solution to envy:
“Be killing sin or it will be killing you.”
Name the envy, name the jealousy, and confess, repent, and beat all sin to death. Do not give wickedness the smallest foothold. Such sour grapes creep and climb quickly, choking all fruit of the Holy Spirit.
May we be about the holy work of preaching the gospel to ourselves each and every day: Jesus died for every one of our sins, and our joy lies in this steadfast truth. We may be free from bitter envy and jealousy and walk the path of contentment in our risen Savior. Remember, his all-sufficient grace will supply our every need.
Our God will not withhold anything from us that will make us more like his Son. If we are not granted what we crave, may we trust God, and bless others who have what we do not.
Ask God to fill you with his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And do not lose heart if envy and jealousy rear up time and again. Come to Christ in repentance, saturate yourself in his Word, join hands with a fellow Christian who can pray for you, and go, live your life, right where God has placed you, keeping a soft, tender heart that finds its satisfaction in Christ.
Then stand back and watch as your joy multiplies.
For more resources to help parents disciple their children, check out Rooted Reservoir Family Discipleship.
