“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Teenagers are too young to know that song from Harry Nilsson, but every time I consider the mental health of our students and the loneliness they express, this lyric hums through my mind.
One is a lonely number and it always has been. The recent TGC article, “Five Reasons Gen Z is Primed for Spiritual Renewal,” shared that “a Harvard study found that 61 percent of 18-to-25-year-olds reported ‘miserable degrees of loneliness.’” These numbers are high, but they are not shocking. All ages are experiencing loneliness in some way or another.
If you have ever experienced something of the deep loneliness our students are expressing, then you know how real their hurt is. Thankfully, this doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Through building relationships with emotional stewardship, empathy, and patience, the Church can show up for Gen Z with hope, love, and purpose.
Isolation Isn’t New
The authors of the TGC article list five reasons Gen Z is primed for a spiritual renewal, the first being that “isolation during the pandemic created a hunger for belonging.” With respect, I’d argue that the pandemic didn’t create this hunger, but it did shine a big spotlight on it.
At the very beginning of creation, God insists that being alone would not be good for Adam (Gen. 2:18). So God created Eve and established relational kinship as a way for the world to be fruitful and flourish. King David would later write, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish” (Ps. 25:16-17). As Scripture shows us, hungering for belonging is nothing new.
When it comes to caring for and loving Gen Z through this deep hunger, I want to offer three mindsets and several practical ways to come alongside them.
Mindset Number One: Steward Their Emotions
One of our roles as adults in teenagers’ lives is to help them steward their emotions now so that they learn do so on their own as they grow. Scripture repeatedly teaches the principle of stewardship: the way we actively care for the things God has given us, including our emotions. We steward emotions by naming what we are feeling (e.g., anger, anxiety, fear, joy) and then finding a way to express those feelings with honor to God.
This is easier said than done! Trying to navigate emotions when you are overwhelmed with loneliness, depression, or sadness is hard work. And yet, God, who sits on the throne of redemption, has said he will make all things new, including our hard emotions. When David asked God to “turn” and “be gracious” to him in Psalm 25, David gave his feelings right back to God, asking him to take control of his feeling of loneliness and affliction.
As adults, we must recognize that part of our role in the lives of young people is to help steward (versus overly control or neglect) their emotions. Then we will have a solid foundation to respond in gentle, kind, loving, and healing ways.
Mindset Number Two: Engage in Empathy
Friend, you are reading this as someone who knows loneliness. Scripture says so. Yet, the false intimacy of social media and screen-heavy relationships have made this younger generation anxious and weary of the traditional community and friendship-building avenues previous generations have naturally gravitated towards. We need to engage with empathy, because there will often be things that Gen Z can not find words for. But because we have all experienced this same hunger, we can know, teach and validate their feelings with empathy.
Mindset Number Three: Patience
With stewardship as our foundation and empathy as our motivation, we care patiently for Gen Z students. Friends, stewardship is not a quick thing. It is a lifelong, long-term way of ministering. We will need patience to love this generation well. Whether you decide to try the following ideas, Gen Z will remember that you showed patience as they worked out their anxiety and fears. Our patience with Gen Z echoes the patient and long-suffering heart that God has for us. His constant love in spite of our sin gives us the power to be patient with others.
Practical Ways to Engage with Gen. Z:
With those three mindsets in place, let me offer some practical ideas for you to engage with Gen Z:
- Start talking about community, and do it often. Help your students think through what kind of community they want to be a part of. Whether that be friendship, small group, youth group, or church. Talk about their concerns, hopes, and dreams for community. One of the greatest blessings we have is that Jesus’ death and resurrection made a way for us to be adopted into the community of believers. We are brothers and sisters in Christ before we are anything else.
- Ask directly about loneliness. There’s no need to be cautious; ask them about it. Talk about loneliness openly in groups. Teach on it a couple of times a year. Gen Z does not want to feel alone. No one does. So, let us bring the topic out in the open with them so that isolation can not grow in the dark.
- Organize low-key gatherings such as fire-pit nights, dinners at a nearby taco shop, or afternoon coffee breaks. Make these regular and scheduled occurrences. Having plans on a Friday or Saturday night can be a huge mood-lifter for those who experience deep loneliness. Let them be conversation nights, not teaching or worship nights. Just engage with them and help them engage with others.
- Invite them to sit with you and your family on Sunday mornings during the worship service. If they are making it to Sunday morning, make sure they know you expect them to sit with you. Even sending a quick text in the morning telling them you’re saving a seat and where to look for you is an easy and intentional way to show them they are not alone in this world. Obviously, let them know they can choose to sit somewhere else, but if they need a place, you have one for them!
- Set calendar reminders for yourself to send them a message to check in. I started doing this a few years ago for students who I knew were in a dark time and would be least likely to reach out to me. Currently, I have 5 reminders strewn across my week that help me to remember to pray and to check in.
The Greatest Steward, Better Empathizer, and Patient King
In all these things, point them to Jesus. As a human, Jesus experienced all the things that we do, including loneliness. He fought and lived with loneliness. And yet, he still went to his brothers and sisters after his resurrection and encouraged their continued gathering together.
In Jesus we find the greatest steward, the better empathizer, and most patient King. Look to him for your leadership of Gen Z and point to him for their sense of belonging.
Rooted offers mentoring cohorts for youth ministers and family ministers looking for more encouragement and equipping. Consider joining our next round of groups starting in January 2024.
