I don’t like roller coasters, but out of love for my teen, I accompanied her on one several years back. On the slow ramp up, I embarrassed my teen by repeating over and over: it’s only a minute and thirty seconds long, which I knew because I Googled it.
Sure enough, the twists and turns were unexpected, and I could hardly gather myself before the next surprise. And then, after mere seconds, the ride seemingly ended. I looked at my girl, whose face was ecstatic from the rush, and I couldn’t help but smile. Even so, my legs were wobbly, and my head was spinning, so I was eager to get up and out. That’s when my daughter turned and said, “It’s going again, Mom!”
Parenting Teenagers is Like Riding a Roller Coaster
A mother with two toddlers asked me recently what it’s like to raise teenagers. I smiled sympathetically and told her, “It’s like a roller coaster, my friend. It’s just like a roller coaster.”
Parenting teens is a fast and wild ride of irregular ups and downs. Sometimes it feels more like a never-ending jostle than a smooth and steady journey. Just when you think you’ve got a handle on it, the ride starts again.
It’s during the unpredictable moments, and the highs and lows of their emotions, that it’s easy to become frustrated with our teens. We tend to focus only on the harrowing obstacles in front of us. Perhaps, like me, you’ve had a fruitful conversation with your teen, where you sense some real maturity –only for that same child to plunge into sassy immaturity the next morning. When we assume we have control over the direction of the ride, we can become overly frustrated when our child’s attitude or actions do not follow our expectations. It’s then that we forget to be grateful for the child God has given. In our frustration we forget the Savior who has gone before us, and the work God is doing even in spite of us.
But it’s also in these bumpy seasons that we find profound hope in the gospel. It’s precisely when we are weak that God’s strength is made evident in us (2 Cor. 12:9). We don’t move forward in our own strength or by our own willpower, but in the strength of Christ. We are so united to Christ because of his death and resurrection that what is true of him is true of us.
Relishing this amazing grace and reorienting our perspective on Jesus causes us to grow in gratitude rather than revert to frustration. That grace-filled appreciation empowers us during difficult seasons with our teens and pushes us to love them more deeply as an opportunity to mirror God’s love.
Cultivate Gratitude on the Ride by Praying for Perspective
In trying seasons, it’s easy to remember to pray for the difficult situation at hand, but it’s more difficult to remember to pray for perspective. Sometimes what we face with our kids seems so much greater than what others are facing with theirs. Without proper perspective, this can lead to anger or jealousy, and our teens will feel that.
Instead, pray that the Lord will give you the necessary perspective. God may be giving us more than we think we can handle, but thank the Lord, he promises his strength to help us put one foot in front of the other. Thank the Lord that even the very worst trial with a teen (and our family has been through some weighty ones) is not beyond Jesus’ reach (Eph. 3:20-21).
The single most valuable parenting advice I’ve ever received came in the form of two words from a seasoned mother: Don’t panic.
She explained that what we deem harrowing, God is never surprised by, panicked by, or thwarted by. It is all in his control no matter how jolting the ride may feel.Don’t panic. Pray for perspective. We put our trust in a God who is lovingly in control of every single detail in our teenager’s life.
Cultivate Gratitude on the Ride by Giving Thanks for the Growth
Give thanks because even in the midst of challenges, growth occurs. Ask the Lord to help you recognize small victories, no matter how minor they seem. And don’t forget to celebrate these moments with your teens. God graciously gives us glimpses of their spiritual and emotional maturity, and of the unique work he is doing in them. These glimpses don’t mean the difficult ride is over, but they are a kindness from God in which he reminds us that he is working.
When we look back on our own testimonies, most of us recognize our growth in faith came through adversity. Mom, Dad, you are a witness to God shaping your teen’s character. Yes, it can be gut-wrenching to watch but know that the good work our faithful God has begun, he will bring to completion (Phil. 1:6).
Cultivate Gratitude on the Ride by Cherishing the Moments
I will never forget one of my teens walking in the door well past curfew one night. What followed was a lengthy argument, many tears, and a sleepless night. As the sun rose, my husband prayed, but all I remember thinking was: will this difficult season ever end?
The teenage years are not forever, mom and dad. The whirlwind of adolescence is fleeting, and it is precious. One of the ways we cultivate gratitude in the more trying seasons is by deliberately making connections with our teens. This might mean planning ahead for golf, or go-karting, or dinner out to a special restaurant. It might mean being spontaneous with your teen. Boy, does it take sacrifice in a busy season, but if you notice your teen seems a bit “off,” divert from the evening’s plans. Take her out for ice cream or play a game of cards.
These connections during hard seasons force you to step off the craziness of the ride and simply enjoy the uniqueness of the kid whom God has given you. Listen to her stories, dreams, and fears. Intentionally connecting shows her she is valued and loved, not just for what she’s done, but for who she is in Christ.
In these moments of connection, we catch glimpses of God’s grace in our lives and in the lives of our teens. These moments remind us why the roller coaster ride of parenting is worth every twist and turn. Connecting with our kids anchors us in gratitude and strengthens our resolve to navigate the challenges ahead with faith and love.
As you traverse the ups and downs of parenting, pray the Lord will give you a heart of gratitude for the teenager that God has purposefully and lovingly put into your care. Every page of your child’s story has God’s faithfulness shining through. His faithfulness will continue to guide us through the roller coaster ride of parenting.
For more gospel-centered parenting resources, check out Rooted’s Family Discipleship Curriculum.
