Small groups can be uncontrollably loud or painfully silent. Loud groups can be redirected into mostly productive conversations, but what about the quiet groups? What can you do when small group feels like pulling teeth? We asked our Rooted writers a simple question: How do you get your students to talk in a small group setting? What do you do to earn their trust and respect so that engagement with you in front of other students feels less scary?
Jimmy Kim, Executive Director of Family Transformation at Perimeter Church in Atlanta, GA
In an age where a leader is more likely to receive student engagement in a text thread in the form of gifs and emojis, getting students to speak in a small group setting can be quite the challenge. Here are a few ideas and perspectives to keep in mind when engaging your student small group.
Be ready to embrace the awkward. Conversations are allowed to be clunky. Neither leaders nor students should expect a small group time to be as smooth as an Aaron Sorkin screenplay. The group doesn’t exist to impress an imaginary audience listening in. Instead, it’s about life-on-life, relationship discipleship. Help relieve the pressure to be perfect and give space for thoughts to be formed into words—especially for the internal processors in the group. Set the tone of the group through positive body language, showing interest and appreciation when students do speak up. Remember that relationships take time. It may take an entire semester before they want to go deep; show them that you care enough to wait around.
Come prepared. Certainly take time to pray to God for wisdom and discernment and to prepare the lesson. But also take time to think about what the students in your group are experiencing in life. Perhaps there is a pop culture moment you can ask their opinion about. Or maybe there is something going on in your life that you want to welcome your group into (a new job, a hobby, a challenging situation, etc.). Though students are teens, you might be surprised by the perspective they can offer. Plus, this can be a great way to equip them for serious conversations amongst their peers when you’re not in the room.
Find gospel bridges. Actively listen for ways to usher them toward the good news of Jesus. Don’t to stay on isolated islands away from him and from one another. In an effort to build relationships, I have often been tempted to keep conversations shallow. Of course, I don’t intend to stay on the surface. But unless I am listening for ways to make much of Jesus and the life transformation that only he can bring, I will have only made, at best, friends, but definitely not disciples.
I am often taking notes of what my students share throughout the course of a group time. I’m listening for a common denominator or theme that comes up in the course of their conversation. Once I’ve locked in on that theme, I want to make a clear gospel connection. I want my students to see that faith in Christ applies to all of life. I want them to experience and believe that God is real. I want them to hear earnestness in my encouragement and prayer for them. I want them to become disciples of Christ who, in time, will make disciples of Christ. And I don’t believe that will happen without gospel bridges.
Dorothy Lau, Youth Director at the Chinese Bible Church of Maryland in Rockville, MD
Begin with names. Teenagers are so self-conscious. If they’re gathering with peers they don’t know as well, the best way to prevent anyone from being ignored is to share names. When there is a newer face in my group, I have everyone sit in a circle and share his/her name, grade, school, and response to a random, often silly, question and why. It sets the tone that everyone has a name and a voice, and they can be known and express themselves.
Build rapport. Kids aren’t going to go deep from the get-go unless trust has been reinforced. Before talking about deeper, spiritual reflections and realities of life, a leader can influence a group greatly in setting up and modeling the discussion group as a safe space. What does this mean? It’s a place where a student can bare his/her soul, and feel seen, heard, and understood. Maybe the leader asks a follow-up question, acknowledges one’s courage to talk, or gives credence to the struggle. Building rapport starts with modeling a safe space for the students. When they observe what it looks like to make that space, they do it for each other as well.
Bring the message back to everyday life. Frankly, with diminishing attention spans (not only among teenagers), I consider it a win if a student remembers just one thing from the youth group message. I know—it’s such low-hanging fruit that it’s practically detached. Even so, my goal in small group isn’t only to get students to talk; it’s to find the common thread. How does the message connect with daily living? In what ways can we help students to realize that understanding God’s Word and living wholeheartedly in and for Christ exceeds weekend church attendance? When our students make those connections, you can see the scales peel back from their eyes. Talking in small group becomes less daunting because the Holy Spirit is stirring up teenagers’ hearts as much as the conversation at hand.
Alexis Andre, Christian Editor and former middle school English teacher in Nashville, TN
In my experience, most students are reluctant to engage in small group settings due to either introversion, inexperience, or ignorance. As an introvert myself, I know what it feels like to choose silent reflection over engagement, even if I feel as though I have an insightful thought. In other instances, I simply do not know enough about the people, setting, or topic to feel that I have a thought that feels worthy of contribution. If you mix these matters with the typical anxiety and awkwardness that come with the teenage years, it can be difficult to get students to open up. There is one helpful trick that has worked in the classroom setting:
Give students ample time to think about a question or prompt. I often encourage them to write down their reflections. It can be beneficial for youth groups to invest in journals for each student for this purpose. As students write, the leader can walk around and briefly read what each student has written. When it is time to share, the leader already has one or two students in mind whom they know have written thoughtful responses.
If no one volunteers to speak, the leader may lean on a student in her mind and say, “Alexis, I saw that you wrote down a thoughtful response that could really impact the group. Do you mind sharing what you wrote?” Allowing the student to read a written response removes the pressure that comes from making up a solid answer on the spot. Once the student shares, the leader should offer genuine appreciation and reassurance, building the student’s confidence for the next small group time.
Vince Greenwald, Assistant Pastor at Immanuel Church Nashville in Nashville, TN
Our Wednesday youth nights include a whole hour in Bible study small groups. If students aren’t talking, it’s going to be a long hour! So here’s what works for us to get students talking and participating.
Start early. Every single week after we read the Bible passage or chapter, the first thing we do is go around the circle and ask every student to share the verse that most stood out to them. We tell them, “God’s Word is made for meditation, deep thinking on small sections of God’s Word.” Then we give them a minute or two to look back over the passage. We treat it like a “round robin question” and go around the circle and have each student share their verse and why they chose it. Sometimes, a student will pass. That’s fine! Often, students will share the same verse. We tell them that’s great, that repetition is powerful, and it’s a sweet thing when the same verse stands out to multiple people.
Don’t do all the thinking for students. When you’re in a small group, the people doing the talking are typically doing the thinking. If the adults are the only ones sharing, they’re probably the ones doing the thinking. Lean on the students. Ask interesting questions. Each week, we ask students what the text teaches them about God, what it teaches them about people, where they see the gospel in the passage, and how they can respond to the passage. Those are difficult questions that leaders need to come prepared to teach on, but they need to be careful not to fill all the silences. Give students time to think and share.
Get honest. At the end of our small groups each week, we give students an opportunity to confess their sins and pray for one another. That might sound like it would scare students off, but it has actually done the opposite. Students deeply want to be known. They experience freedom as they “walk in the light” (1 John 1:7). We set some important ground rules around this time, and it has blessed our students more than anything else we do on Wednesday nights. If you want to get students talking, don’t throw them softball questions all night. Give them a chance to share what’s really going on in their lives. Have leaders go first. By God’s grace, the students will get honest.
Find more help in running your small groups on our Small Group resource page.
