On a warm July morning in 2010, I woke up for work at my nine-to-five job as a paralegal. It felt like any other day, except there was no breakfast on the table, and the sound of heavy breathing had stopped.
You see, earlier that week, my mother had returned home after finishing her eight-month stay at the Goldwater Memorial Hospital for chemotherapy on Roosevelt Island in Manhattan. She had suffered from Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma, also known as “Canton tumor,” due to its high prevalence in the Cantonese regions of China, such as Hong Kong, where she was born.
My mother was frail after her chemo ended, but she had asked daily to return home. After a few days, the doctors cleared her to do so, and a good friend of mine helped drive her home while my brother and I took time off to care for her. She was happy being home, but she struggled with breathing as the chemo had affected her salivary glands, causing her to have a hard time swallowing and breathing.
My mother was the only breadwinner of the family after my father left us a few years prior. At that point, she had already gone through one round of chemotherapy, and the cancer was in remission. Her perseverance in having three jobs and working through the night had moved me to finish school and start helping out financially. When I found her unresponsive that warm July morning of 2010, my world fell apart.
Being the Church for Students
As I walked through the pain of losing my mother, I discovered that faith is not sustained in isolation, but in the presence of others. The relational presence of church members became the way Jesus drew near to me, showing that his love is made tangible through community. This is especially true in youth ministry.
Fast forward a little more than a decade. Now I’ve served at the church as the youth pastor, then the youth and college pastor, and now youth, college, and young adult pastor. I’ve seen several generations of Asian American youth graduate from the youth ministry, some of whom are married and have children. Over the years, I’ve observed many opportunities for intergenerational care for Asian American students, and it all starts with relationships.
Discipleship Travels Through Relationships
First, we consider the relationships we form with students. Chinese culture is collectivistic, so it wouldn’t be unusual to see a Chinese Heritage Church extend the grace and hospitality I experienced. What stood out to me was seeing the gospel lived out as the recipient of this grace and hospitality.
Growing up in New York City, the culture told us to discover our unique identities. So, when I came to Christ, my inclination was the same—my faith was my own, a very individualistic mindset. Then, a few short years later, I experienced something I never had before. When my mom died, a group of strangers sacrificially poured out to care for two people they didn’t know, except for the fact that they were a part of the church. What could I make of that?
The only explanation I could come up with was that they were embodying the life of the early church, where “all the believers were together and had all things in common… breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts” (Acts 2:44, 26). That kind of radical hospitality did not come from human effort or cultural values; it was a direct result of the gospel.
Because Jesus gave himself fully on the cross to free us from sin and reconcile us to God, his people are freed to give of themselves fully in love, not out of obligation but in response to his grace. What I witnessed was not just kindness; it was the gospel in action. This became the foundation of my ministry philosophy for discipleship with youth and young adults—not as individuals chasing their own paths, but as a community shaped by Christ’s sacrifice.
If there is anything that bridges the gap between cultures, between generations, and between strangers, it is a relationship. The students with whom I’ve had the deepest conversations about life and faith are those with whom I have the best relationships. The relationships with them give us the means to speak the gospel truth into their lives those few short years we have to disciple them. You can build relationships in different ways, but you can’t go wrong if you follow the second greatest commandment—love them as yourself (Matt. 22:39).
Discipleship Starts at Home
The second place we must look at is the parents. Now, this is a challenging one, at least for me. I confess I’ve never been great at working with parents or discipling them, but over the years, the students I’ve been able to see the most growth in are the same students whose parents I had an active relationship with.
Our church is a commuter church in New York City, and we see our fair share of parents who drop off their youth and either don’t attend church or choose not to take an active role. Their faith isn’t strong because they work to provide for their family and spend most of their time doing that. However, they all hope their children will be different, without realizing they play a pivotal role in their youth’s spiritual development. After all, the Bible makes it very clear that parents are to disciple their children (Deut. 6:7-9); many just don’t know where to start.
Being Present is Enough
Lastly, presence makes a difference.
Two brothers from my church fellowship were the first people who showed up after we called 911 that morning in July. My senior pastor and his wife accompanied me to the funeral home to plan because I had no idea where to start. For the rest of the week, members of the church came by to be present and care for my brother and me.
A week later, at the funeral, it was members of the church who packed the funeral home and listened as we ugly-cried through the eulogy. At the end of the day, when we had to press the red button to start the cremation process, one of our pastors stood next to us. When it came time to pay for the funeral, the church members collected a love offering and paid for the funeral expenses. In the following weeks, months, and years, church members welcomed us into their homes for the holidays, cooked extra food whenever possible, and ensured we knew and felt that we were part of the family.
It’s a strange thing to say because it feels like a no-brainer, but given how busy immigrant parents can be working to provide, our presence makes a difference. Being present for the fun things, like a basketball game, to the heavier things, like a death in the family, goes a long way in building a relationship that reflects what Paul did with the Corinthian church in 1 Cor. 2:3. Much like my pastors demonstrated that presence during one of the hardest seasons of my life, we need to do the same for our youth.
I believe that if we can do these few things well as we serve our youth, we will be able to see the fruit of the ministry that God has called us to offer our lives to.
The Source Is Never Dry
The morning my world fell apart, I did not know what I needed. I only knew that people showed up and somehow, in their showing up, I encountered Christ.
That is the mystery and the gift of relational discipleship. We bring ourselves, imperfect and inadequate as we are, and God uses our presence to make himself known. He does not ask us to be extraordinary. He asks us to be faithful: to build the relationships, to walk alongside students and their parents parents, to simply be there.
The gospel reminds us that this is sustainable not because we are strong enough, but because he is. When we run dry, we return to the cross, where Jesus gave everything so that we could give freely. That is the source, hope, and in a ministry that is built on showing up for others, it is more than enough to keep going.
If you’re looking for support and friendship for gospel-centered ministry to youth and children, join us for the 2026 Rooted Conference in Nashville, TN October 22-24.
