It must have been a devastating look.
In the upper room, Peter—ever-bold, quick-to-speak Peter—had vowed never to deny Jesus, even if that meant prison or death (see Matt. 26:35; Luke 22:33). This bold oath didn’t last years, months, weeks, or even days. Mere hours later, Peter denied Jesus three times. Immediately after, we read this: “Then the Lord turned and looked straight at Peter, and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, ‘Before a rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly” (Luke 22:61–62 NET). Peter’s feelings of guilt and shame must have been overwhelming. He had failed spectacularly. And Jesus’ look was like a dagger in the heart.
Like Peter, we too fail Jesus at times, and a common area of failure for us as parents is in family discipleship. We know that God has called us to disciple our children, and we’ve tried, but we struggle to do it. As a result, we feel like we’ve let down both Jesus and our children. And for some of us, this failure is an ever-present, crushing weight on our souls. But it doesn’t have to be. Indeed, it shouldn’t be. Here are five key truths to lean on instead.
1.) You’re Not Alone—and Never Have Been
It’s easy to miss that Peter wasn’t alone in his failure. The other disciples had echoed his bold promise (see Matt. 26:35), but except for John, they’re all curiously absent in the Gospels’ accounts of Jesus’ trials and crucifixion. The frustrating reality is that failure is a common experience for all followers of Jesus. It’s not a you-problem; it’s an us-problem.
This is nowhere truer than in family discipleship. Only 10 percent of parents read the Bible, pray, or discuss faith in the home on a regular basis.1 Do you know what the percentage was during the idyllic, Leave It to Beaver 1950s? The exact same 10 percent.2 The truth is that most parents today are struggling to disciple in the home, just as we always have.
2.) God’s Grace Is Sufficient—Rest in It
I believe Jesus’ look was devastating not because it was a look of anger, offense, or even disappointment; I think it was a look of compassion. And that’s what broke Peter. In that moment, he was reminded of the perfect goodness of Christ, the glorious one he’d just denied.
How do we see Jesus looking at us because of our struggles to disciple our children? If it’s anything other than with a look of compassion, we’re neglecting the limitless grace of God (see, e.g., John 1:16; Eph. 2:7). God delights in showering us with grace, even amid our limitations, failures, and transgressions. He loves to meet us where we are to carry us to where we need to be. God doesn’t fix his gaze on our failures, and so neither should we. Rather, we need to turn our attention back to our compassionate, loving Christ. We need to run to him in our failures, not run from him. He yearns to take us in a warm embrace.
3.) You Haven’t Broken Your Child—God Is Still Sovereign
Peter’s three-fold denial was the low point of his relationship with Jesus, but it wasn’t the end point. Their relationship continued. The same is true when we stumble in family discipleship.
The sense of failure in family discipleship is often heightened because we keenly understand what’s at stake. We’re not talking about whether our children get into a good college, land a solid profession, or find an amazing spouse. Those things matter, but in family discipleship, we’re talking about our children’s spiritual and eternal well-being. Family discipleship is weighty! Because of this, we should take family discipleship seriously—but we cannot forget that God is sovereign. God loves our children more than we do, and he wants all people to come to him in saving faith (see 1 Tim. 2:3–4; 2 Pet. 3:9). Family discipleship is central to God’s plan for our children, but it’s not the whole plan. Even if we’ve stumbled, we haven’t thwarted God’s good plans for them.
4.) It’s Never Too Late—Get Back Up
Peter was knocked down to the mat when he denied Jesus in Luke 22, but he didn’t stay down. He got back up in a big way. About forty days after denying Jesus in Jerusalem, Peter stood before a massive crowd in that same city and rebuked them for crucifying Christ (see Acts 2:23). He went on to be a key leader in the early church, just as Jesus had promised (see Matt. 16:18).3
Getting knocked down isn’t the problem; staying down is. Even if we’ve been on family discipleship’s mat for a long time—months or even years—it’s never too late to get back up. Faithful endurance is a key mark of following Jesus (see, e.g., 2 Thess. 3:13; Heb. 12:1–2). Now is the perfect time to get our wobbly legs beneath us again. Standing is the first step to standing strong. This is true even if our children are out of the home. Just as their command to honor us (see Ex. 20:12) has no statute of limitation, neither does our calling to disciple them. That might become discipleship by influence more than instruction, but it should never end. As long as we draw breath, there’s time.
5.) No Win Is Too Small—Celebrate All of Them
We tend to focus on Peter’s denial after Jesus’ arrest, but we miss his win. He was there! That took courage. Peter wanted to be loyal. He wanted to be with Christ in his time of need, but he couldn’t quite follow through. The same was true when he walked on water; no one else got out of the boat (see Matt. 14:22–33).
A common mistake in family discipleship is setting goals that are far too lofty. That might look like a family just starting family discipleship and expecting to have a forty-five minute, deep and meaningful family worship time every single week without fail. Or a family might set out to read through the entire Bible in a year. Those are admirable goals, and some families certainly can reach them. But many cannot. And that’s okay.
Many believe that anything less than perfect discipleship is failure. But that’s simply not true. Again, God delights in meeting us where we are to take us where we need to be. That means it’s right and fitting for us to chase after smaller, more realistic wins and build on them (see Zech. 4:10; Matt. 25:14–30). Have one conversation this week. Pray one time. Take one small step. Celebrate it, and then take another. And then keep on taking steps. That’s the path to victory.
Though Peter denied Jesus three times as he stood around a fire in Jerusalem, his story didn’t end there. After the resurrection, Jesus gave Peter the opportunity to profess his love for Jesus three times as they sat around a fire on a beach (see John 21:9–19). This, of course, was not accidental. It was a gracious act of restoration between Jesus and his friend. Peter’s failure had been a painful but important part of Peter’s story that God used to shape him. God wants to do the same with our struggles in family discipleship. Let’s embrace Christ’s matchless grace and, through his power, remain steadfast in our mission. Let’s feed his sheep!
- George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting: What the Research Shows Really Works (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2010), loc 581; Mark Holmen, Church + Home: The Proven Formula for Building Lifelong Faith (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 2010), 27. Marcia J. Bunge, “Biblical and Theological Perspectives on Children, Parents, and ‘Best Practices’ for Faith Formation,” Dialog: A Journal of Theology 47, no. 4 (Winter 2008): 349.
↩︎ - Oscar E. Feucht, “Helping Families Worship,” in Helping Families Through the Church: A Symposium on Family Life Education, ed. Oscar E. Feucht (Saint Louis, MO: Concordia, 1957), 102–103.
↩︎ - It’s common for Protestants to interpret Jesus’ promise here about the “rock” to refer to Peter’s confession or to Jesus himself as the what the church would be built upon, but one does not need to agree with the Roman Catholic tradition of Peter becoming the first Pope with papal authority to believe that Jesus was talking about Peter. The most natural reading, the Greek play on words between “Peter” and “rock,” and Peter’s leadership in Acts support such an interpretation. ↩︎
If you’re looking for more resources to assist you in at-home discipleship, consider using Rooted’s family discipleship video curriculum with your church or small group.
