We usually do our family devotionals after dinner. The kids gather around, we read a story from the Bible, and then do a prayer as a family. Recently, we have been using a children’s Bible app that reads the story out loud and has interactive lesson activities to help with comprehension. It sounds picturesque—the model of a godly family.
If your family is like mine, though, it rarely goes according to plan. Last week, we had maybe one of the “worst” family devotionals in the history of family devotionals. To start, my son was frustrated because my daughter interacted with the Bible story first. He likes to go first. He cried. It was a whole thing. Then my daughter fell out of my lap after adjusting her position for the 30th time. She cried. It was a whole thing.
Then my daughter spilled her cup of water on my son. They both cried. It was a whole thing. Then I got frustrated and was short with them. I cried. It was a whole thing. Sound familiar? The devotional you’re trying to do to faithfully disciple your family has gone completely sideways. What’s worse, it feels normal. This is just how it is.
The Myth of the Perfect Family Devotional
Most of us have a version of a family devotional that lives in our heads. I know I do. It probably comes from some combination of social media influencers and unrealistic stock photos on blog posts. Your children are seated, perfectly calm and attentive, and the Bible is open. Everything you say is profound, and your kids ask really thoughtful questions as you unpack the text. Perhaps a ray of golden sunlight pours in from the window.
Unfortunately, I have never experienced this, and I doubt most ever will. The point of this article is to help you know that the gap between your real family devotionals and the ones in your head doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you have kids. I want to encourage you not to give up.
Shattering the Myth
Social media has done a real number on us. We’ve adopted this image of what “real” family discipleship looks like, and it has set the bar so high that plenty of parents don’t bother. Perhaps they start, it’s chaotic, and then they decide it may not be worth the trouble. We should take comfort in looking at the families of the Bible, because they too were a mess. Abraham lied, Jacob manipulated, and David’s household was a disaster by any reasonable definition of the word disaster. Despite this, God used each of them to pass the faith down to the next generation.
Kids are kids. They will have short attention spans, ask weird questions, and get angry over trivial issues. They will probably cry at odd times too. This doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is wrong! It’s just what it looks like to have devotionals with real children. Every family, despite how polished they look on the outside, has battles behind closed doors. Our goal as Christian parents seeking to disciple our children is presence and persistence.
Why Messy Devotionals Still Matter
In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we see that God has a heart for his people to pass down the faith to their children: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” I can’t help but notice that God doesn’t give a caveat saying this only applies if your children are perfectly cooperative. The standard that God gives is faithfulness. There is freedom in this! God is calling you to consistently show up for your children’s discipleship and trust him with the rest.
I’ve learned that despite the messiness of our family devotionals, my children still pick up on more than I realize. Consistently reading the Bible creates a familiarity with Scripture that can, over time, become load-bearing in someone’s faith. For example, recently, I forgot to do a family devotional. I was tired, it had been a long day, and I was just going through the motions. After dinner, we just moved on to the next thing, skipping the family devotional. It wasn’t intentional; it just sort of happened.
Later that night, my son asked me point-blank, “Dad, why didn’t we read our Bible story today?” This was a watershed moment for me! I realized that despite how messy our family devotionals can be, at the very least our son had internalized that reading the Bible should be a regular rhythm in his life. His understanding of how his life should flow day to day now includes reading the Bible! What a glorious win! If nothing else, when we have consistent family devotionals— even messy ones—we are showing our children that reading Scripture is worth doing! It doesn’t have to be perfect or clean, but it’s worth doing anyway.
What Children Actually Remember
Children will rarely remember the particular things you have read or said to them during family devotionals. They won’t always be able to recall the passage or cite precise theological truths. But your children will remember the ritual. They will remember that gathering together to read the Word of God, to praise the Lord, and to pray was an important rhythm of your family’s life. As vague on the details as it may be, this memory will help your children see what faithfulness looks like! And that will stay with them.
Psalm 78 talks about telling the next generation of God’s praiseworthy deeds so that even children not yet born would know the Lord. This kind of spiritual transmission won’t happen through occasional and random moments. It happens through repetition and routine in a family that keeps coming back to the same well. We learn through patterns and repetition. That is why the consistency of your messy family devotionals matters more than you may think. What can often feel chaotic is actually building a framework that your children will carry with them into adulthood.
Practical Wisdom
First, keep it short. Especially with younger kids. Five to ten minutes is plenty of time for a family devotional. Remember, you’re not preaching a sermon, and your children are not adult congregants. Read a passage or a story from Scripture, ask a question or two, and pray. Some Scripture is better than none! Building the habit of actually starting and finishing a devotion lays a foundation for even more later. Progress over perfection is the goal here.
Second, be flexible with the time you do your devotionals. There is no sacred time slot for family devotionals. Do what works for your family! Mornings are easy for some households and chaotic for others. Right after dinner works well for my family because my children are usually really calm then, but for some families, this may be unrealistic. Find what fits your family’s rhythms of life.
Start Today
Messy devotionals are meaningful devotionals. Consistency is key here. You don’t have to wait for the right season, the right curriculum, or the perfect night when everyone is in the right mood. Namely, because who knows when that will come. Start with whatever you have the capacity to start with. Your faithfulness in ordinary, everyday moments is doing more than you currently see. God doesn’t need perfect families; he redeems imperfect ones through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ Jesus.
We have a wealth of resources, articles, and podcasts to help your family develop a habit of devotionals on our Family Discipleship/Devotionals page.
