I didn’t go on my first date until earlier this year—eight years after I graduated from high school. This long-awaited relationship only lasted for a few weeks. It ended when the guy abruptly ghosted me and quickly paired off with another girl, breaking my heart in the process.
Needless to say, my entrance into the dating world was harder and much later in life than I expected.
I encountered biblical teaching about sex and marriage many times during my teenage years: while participating in a Bible study, listening to a guest speaker at youth group, and in a dedicated talk at summer camp. While I agree with what I learned about trusting God’s plan for sex and marriage, I wish I had also learned about trusting his plan for dating and waiting.
If you want to encourage the teenagers in your youth ministry to follow the Lord’s will as they date and wait, here are two specific things I wish my youth leaders had shared with me:
God’s Plans Are Unique
Even though I’m confident God’s plan for me is good, I’ve struggled to accept that it’s different than his plans for other people. Soon after I graduated college, it felt like all of my friends got married. My calendar filled up with bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and weddings. I couldn’t help but wonder when—or if—my turn would come.
I still wonder about this sometimes. But in his grace, God has taught me more and more about the uniqueness of his plans. The apostle Paul wrote that some would marry and others would remain single (1 Cor. 7:6-11). Some people marry soon after in high school, while others do so much later in life. Still others may not marry, but remain single as Paul did. When I was a teenager, I wish I had heard more about the careful and unique plans God has crafted for his children.
God’s Plans Are Trustworthy
In my twenties, I came face to face with despair over my lack of marriage prospects—an experience I had not anticipated. No one expressed interest in dating me during college. I was single for all four years. I was also single for the four years immediately after college. There were no boyfriends, no dates, and no real possibilities. With bated breath, I waited for someone to enter my life and sweep me off my feet. Ultimately, my crushed expectations led me to despair.
Although many people had warned me about the danger of having premarital sex, few had warned me about the pain of being rejected and replaced. But teenagers need to know about the challenges they may face in relationships beyond simple challenges about sex. They also need to know that when they face challenges, God is still worthy of their trust. He’s still in control, and he’s still working (Is. 46:10; Rom. 8:28).
Choosing Faith and Commitment
The longer I walk through singleness, the more passionate I become about helping others walk through it. I want people to know that God is faithful in every moment—even the moments that are disappointing and discouraging. Choosing to faithfully commit to following God’s will isn’t easy, but he never turns away from those who do (John 6:37).
God has a unique, trustworthy plan for each teenager in your youth ministry. While students can certainly benefit from biblical teaching about sex and marriage, they can also benefit from biblical teaching about dating and waiting. Whether they meet their spouses in a week or in a decade, or remain single throughout their lives, growing in the knowledge of God’s faithfulness can inspire them to trust him in every moment.
I love this exhortation from David in Psalm 37: “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act” (Psalm 37:3-5).
While God doesn’t guarantee marriage for everyone, he does bless his children when they delight themselves in him. He moves in our hearts and aligns our desires with his, graciously working in all seasons and circumstances. Even when I don’t get what I want, I know he is good. And ultimately, my hope is anchored in the love and forgiveness of Jesus, not my relationship status. I pray you will equip the teenagers you serve with this sure and steady hope.
Looking for support with challenges you face in youth or family ministry? Consider applying for one of Rooted’s mentorship cohorts!
