I ran my first marathon this year, and I can honestly say, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Running 26 miles seemed impossible to me! But I didn’t begin by running 26 miles. I ran 1 mile around my neighborhood for weeks until I gained enough energy (and determination) to go further. Simply put, being able to run 26 miles doesn’t happen overnight.
The same is true for the parental desire to build homes that please God. Many of us want to raise our children to love Christ and obey his commandments. We want our homes to have an atmosphere of Christ’s love. But too often, expectations are crushed when our children (and we ourselves) do not act in godly ways. Parents become frustrated when it seems like nobody in the home is behaving or speaking in ways we hoped.
I’m convinced that frustration and dashed hopes happen when parents expect their households to run “righteousness marathons” without training a mile at a time. In other words, without the practice of righteous speech habits, families are unprepared to react graciously in tense moments.
I do not promise a magic pill to make your families perfect. But I do believe that by cultivating godly speech in your home, you can build your family up, encouraging them and preparing them for the marathon of life. My desire is to help parents daily disciple their children in ways that practically change the atmosphere of their homes.
Below are three godly habits of speech that help to build up your home.
Practice Thankfulness
It may seem obvious, but a home that expresses thankfulness builds its members up. More than just thanking God at the dinner table, I want to advocate for actively expressing thankfulness for one another daily. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians, “I give thanks to my God always for you” (1:4). Elsewhere, he says, “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you” (Phil. 1:3). The New Testament is riddled with encouragement to express thankfulness for one other, to one another.
Instead of gossiping, slandering, or constantly critiquing, make the tone of your home thankfulness. Imagine with me, you regularly share a reason why you are specifically thankful for your child or spouse—how might that change the culture of your home?
When we practice thankfulness, we seek to identify characteristics and values in a spouse or child that are specific to that person. For example, I am thankful for your honesty/humor (or other attribute), or I am thankful you like (insert school subject).
There are countless things for which to give thanks. Expressing thankfulness encourages your spouse and children. It lets them know you notice them and care.
Celebrate Good and Godly Attitudes
Similar to cultivating thankfulness, the habit of verbally celebrating righteous actions also builds up a household. Paul writes in Romans: “ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom. 12:9-10).
Celebrating good and virtuous actions, especially when they’re hard, is holding fast to what is good. It makes doing right the norm of the home while making what is evil alien. When the good and the virtuous are celebrated, everyone takes joy in outdoing one another in showing honor. Some examples of praising virtue may be, That was very kind of you to share! or You responded with kindness when they hurt you!
Use Words That Build Up, Not Tear Down
Perhaps one of the hardest things to do in the home is to consistently use words that build up. This entails being vigilant to not use words that can tear down, particularly sarcastic words. I know many when they hear this might say, “But sarcasm is my love language!” Yet Paul writes in Ephesians: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29).
According to Merriam-Webster, sarcasm’s very purpose is to insult or show irritation. Since it typically targets an individual, I strongly caution against regularly practicing sarcasm at home (or in general). Sarcasm points out deficiency in others and says I noticed your shortcomings without any grace.
A built-up home is one in which parents and siblings make an effort to encourage one another with their words. It’s one in which family members don’t vocalize one another’s failures all the time, but regularly praise one another’s good character instead. In a Christian home, parents value children and tell them how proud they are of them.
There are few instances more relationally rewarding than to look at your family at dinner, after you’ve expressed thankfulness and celebrated the good, and genuinely saying, “Son/daughter, I’m proud of you.” The pride your child will feel in being your son or daughter! This builds up a home.
Running The Race In Grace
“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!” (Josh. 24:15). Joshua makes this declaration for his household when Israel is faced with the choice to live as God’s people or not. Like Joshua, we want to serve the Lord and finish the race well. As we pray regularly for our children and their own hearts towards Christ, let us run the mile we are on—daily doing the little things that help us get to the end. And though we won’t do this perfectly, there is grace for us in Jesus, who died so that we can rest in his power to save instead of our own. He gives us everything we need to lead our households across the finish line.
If you’re looking for support in discipling your children, consider using Rooted’s family discipleship curriculum with your church or small group.
