I have the amazing joy and responsibility of being a father to four sons. Their ages range from six to fourteen, and as you can imagine my home is often filled with various sounds in varying decibels. Navigating parenting and trying to stay engaged emotionally, physically, and spiritually with each of my sons through successes and failures has been one of the most humbling and rewarding experiences of my life.
I am also my two oldest sons’ youth pastor. And that’s been an interesting journey to say the least. Being both a parent and pastor in youth ministry has added a layer of depth to my burden for students, their families, and the local church. I’ve always seen partnering with parents as a good and biblical value in youth ministry. Now I’m learning to see it as a necessary and God-honoring priority. A value I believed in theory for many years is now a conviction that is shaping the ordinary rhythms of ministry.
For example, one of my greatest desires is for my sons to have a vibrant relationship with Jesus, to walk with him daily by reading his Word, praying, and spending time in community with fellow believers. At times as a father I stumble to communicate my desires and expectations in ways that are gracious, patient and kind. Too often my zeal and hope is miscommunicated and misinterpreted as controlling and pushy. Man, parenting is messy. And I know I am not alone.
As a pastor, my compassion and empathy grows for all parents desiring what I desire for my own children. Knowing what I know and feeling what I feel as a parent, I want to do what I can to stand in the gap between parents and their children so that together they can move towards one another in love and in truth. Whether or not you are a parent yourself, I want to encourage you to see partnering with parents in your youth ministry as both a biblical duty and a delight.
An Invitation to Care
When we partner with parents we are inviting them to care about what God cares about through the burden he has placed on us for our students. Those of us who have been called to shepherd youth students have been entrusted to do so as ambassadors for Christ. God uses us as vessels through which he makes his appeal for our students to be reconciled to him and to participate with him in the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:19-20). It is a call marked by both duty and delight that we need not seek to fulfill on our own.
When we intentionally and consistently create opportunities to share with parents gospel themes we are teaching, specific prayers we are praying, or cultural issues we are addressing, we get to be instruments through which God is communicating his heart for our students and his pursuit of them. The parents in our churches can prayerfully watch and witness the work of the Spirit in the lives of their children. We get to invite parents into the sweet labor of engaging the minds and hearts of our students so that they may trust in Jesus.
This also means that serving and leading in youth ministry requires of us the utmost humility, wisdom, and integrity in our labor of faith and love. We remind ourselves as often as we can that we are not the Christ. We confess and pray as often as we can that Jesus “must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30) so that we can communicate God’s heart for our students with “a pure heart, a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1 Tim. 1:5).
An Invitation to Carry
When we partner with parents we are inviting them to carry not only the burdens of ministry, but also the souls of the ministers to the throne of God’s grace. The author of Hebrews exhorts us in Hebrews 4:16:
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
It’s okay to be needy as ministers of the gospel. It’s okay to need strength in our weaknesses, mercy in our failures, grace in our shame, and hope for our fears. To be needy is to be human. And more often than not, God’s mercy and grace is made most tangible and visible through the words and deeds of those that we invite to carry our needs to the throne of God’s grace. Therefore, we humbly invite parents to pray for us when we are feeling anxious, fearful, and weary in our souls. We invite parents to pray regularly for the needs of our volunteers so that we practice remembering that the work of youth ministry joyfully belongs to the household of faith.
An Invitation to Celebrate
When we partner with parents we are inviting them to celebrate the work of God’s grace in the lives of our students. Let’s be honest: ministry is hard. Often we can feel ill equipped and ineffective for the work of ministry as we feel the pull to compete for our students’ time, energy, and attention. Parenting is also very hard. We also often feel ill equipped, ineffective and helpless in our parenting as we navigate the challenges and confusions of our current cultural climate. Both pastors and parents can feel discouraged and hopeless.
And yet, the gospel compels us to pastor and to parent not by sight but by faith (2 Cor. 5:7). Jesus invites both pastors and parents alike to take hold of the already-not-yet reality of John 16:33:
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Because of the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, we have this unwavering and unshakable hope that God is always at work in redeeming, renewing, and restoring all people and all things for his glory. Therefore, when we share stories of God’s grace at work in the life of our ministry, we invite parents to remember and celebrate the enduring hope that: (1) He is with us and for us (Matt. 28:20; Rom. 8:31). (2) He who began a good work in us will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Phil. 1:6). And (3) he is faithful even when we are faithless (2 Tim. 2:13).
For those of us who are serving and leading in youth ministry it’s worth it to diligently leverage newsletters, social media platforms, and personal emails, texts, and phone calls to communicate to parents stories of God’s grace so that we would not lose heart.
Duty and Delight
Partnering with parents in youth ministry will not always be easy—but it’s worth it. It’s worth it because it reminds us that parents have the greatest influence on their children’s faith. That we are not called to be all things for our students. That we find enduring help and hope when we invite others to share in the burden and work of ministry.
Partnering with parents is both a duty and delight. It is a duty that requires our intentionality, creativity, faith, and obedience for the long haul. It is also a delight as we witness parents and children move toward one another in grace, truth, and love by the enabling help of the Spirit.
If you’re looking for more resources and encouragement for gospel-centered youth ministry, check out the Rooted Youth Ministry Podcast.
