In my hometown of Birmingham, Alabama, there’s a local hangout spot called Mom’s Basement. The guys who opened it must have had some great memories of spending their high school or college years in someone’s mother’s basement, maybe even their own. When you walk inside, photographs of moms cover the walls. They are framed from corner to corner in different sizes and shapes, representing generations across decades. Guests have been invited to bring photographs of their own moms to add to the collection.
There is something endearing about the whole idea behind Mom’s Basement. For generations, basements, playrooms, kitchens, backyards, pools, and driveways have been gathering places for teenagers. Teenagers seem to be drawn to that house where everyone knows they can walk in, open the refrigerator, grab a drink, plop down on the sofa, and stay awhile. When our kids were teenagers, we wanted our home to be one of those places. I learned along the way that what really makes a home feel inviting has less to do with what we provide and more to do with what teenagers experience when they walk through the door.
An Opportunity During the Teenage Years
In a flash, before you know it, the teenage years have come and gone. One minute the kids are with you, and the next minute they’ve disappeared into adulthood. I’m not telling you anything you haven’t heard countless times from parents who have preceded you. During those years for us, it seemed as though we were constantly trying to figure things out. We wanted to help our children grow spiritually and emotionally, develop their gifts, make wise choices, and navigate their ever-changing social lives.
Somewhere near the top of the list was always the influence of friends. Who was rubbing off on our kids? Who were our kids influencing? If you’re in those years now, you, like us, probably wish you could be a fly on the wall, knowing who your kids are spending time with, the conversations they’re having, and, of course, the places they’re going. So whenever their friends landed at our house, we welcomed the opportunity to get to know them and maybe even make a positive difference in their lives.
As your children’s circles grow, more and more teenagers might begin coming in and out of your home. Still, your interactions with them may be surprisingly brief. They are walking through the kitchen on the way downstairs, heading out to the backyard, shooting basketball in the driveway, or grabbing something from the refrigerator before disappearing again. As believing parents, we want these kids to know and grow close to Jesus. But how in the world do we share Jesus with them as they pass through what can feel like a revolving door? Most of us probably aren’t going to have a long conversation about theology or doctrine with every teenager who spends time in our home. We may never have an opportunity to sit down and give a full gospel presentation. Sometimes all we get is five minutes. But five minutes can matter.
Perhaps one of the greatest, simplest ways we can show hospitality to the teenagers coming into our homes is to treat them the way Jesus treated people. What might that look like in the few minutes we have with them? Here are three simple ways to follow Jesus’ example.
1. Notice Them
Jesus noticed people. Once Jesus noticed a tax collector named Zacchaeus who had climbed a tree to see him over the crowd. Jesus stopped, called him by name, and told him he would stay at his house that day. While others grumbled that Jesus would be the guest of a sinner, Zacchaeus responded with excitement (Luke 19:1–10).
Jesus saw people. He listened, stopped, and paid attention. He treated individuals as though their stories mattered. We can do the same. Learn the names of the kids coming through your door. Ask about the basketball game. Notice the new haircut. Ask how school is going. Find out what they are interested in. Pay attention to the details they casually mention.
Sometimes sharing Jesus begins with something as simple as communicating: I see you. I’m interested in you. Your life matters. Teenagers spend their days surrounded by people and can still feel completely unseen. There is something powerful about an adult who slows down long enough to notice. This is what Jesus did.
2. Find Their Places of Need
Jesus came for the hurting. One of the most widely known stories of Jesus recognizing someone’s deeper need was the woman at the well. When he met this Samaritan woman at a well, he started by asking her for a drink of water. He then revealed that he knew her story, offered her living water that would satisfy her deepest thirst and that he was the promised Messiah (John 4:4–26).
Noticing someone often gives us an opportunity to go a little deeper. We don’t have to force a spiritual conversation. Instead, we can learn to ask creative questions that gently open the door to what might really be happening underneath the surface.
What’s the hardest thing about school right now? What’s been the most challenging part about playing baseball this year? What are you most worried about in our world today? What’s stressing you out these days?
Questions like these can open small cracks into places of need, hardship, disappointment, brokenness, longing, and hope. And those are often the very places where Jesus meets us. Pray that God will open the door for you to walk through. Ask him to give you the creativity to recognize when an opportunity is there and the words to gently step into it.
Maybe a teenager tells you she feels enormous pressure to make good grades. There may be an opportunity to remind her that her worth is not determined by her performance. Maybe a boy tells you he feels like he is disappointing everyone on the baseball field. You might simply say, “One of the things I love about Jesus is that we never have to perform to earn his love.” It doesn’t have to become a sermon. Sometimes sharing Jesus is simply offering one sentence of truth into one specific place of need. A little grace. A little hope. A glimpse of Jesus.
3. Remember and Follow Up
Jesus remembered people. At the pool of Bethesda, Jesus met a man who had been unable to walk for thirty-eight years and asked if he wanted to be healed. After hearing of his struggle, Jesus healed him and told him to take up his mat and walk. It’s very meaningful that later, Jesus found him in the temple, remembered him, and spoke to him about both his physical and spiritual healing. (John 5:1–15).
One of the simplest ways to make a teenager feel valued is to remember what he told you the last time he was in your home. If he mentioned a hard test coming up, ask how it went. If she was worried about making the team, remember to ask what happened. Or, if he told you about a difficult friendship, check in the next time you see him.
How did that test go? Did you make the team? What happened with that friend you told me about?
Following up communicates something powerful without ever having to say it. I remembered you. What you told me mattered. You were worth thinking about even after you left my house. Over time, those small interactions build trust. And when teenagers realize we remember their stories, they may begin to trust us with more of them.
That is where hospitality becomes much more than opening our homes. We are opening our lives, giving teenagers a glimpse of Jesus. Isn’t this so much like him? Jesus met people along roads and around tables. He stopped, listened, and asked questions. He noticed individuals others overlooked. And he entered into their places of need with grace, truth, freedom, and hope. This is how he comes to us too. And as we are changed by Jesus’ grace in our own places of need, we have the privilege of extending that same grace to the teenagers who walk through our doors.
Years from now, those teenagers probably won’t remember what kind of drinks we kept in the refrigerator. They may forget the games they played, what was on TV, how big the swimming pool was, or even those homemade cookies we thought kept them coming back. They may not remember nearly as much about what they did at our houses as they remember how we made them feel while they were there. And maybe, long before they ever had the words to describe it, what they experienced in our homes was a little glimpse of Jesus.
God With You is a 52-week, chronological devotional exploring God’s story. Through it, teenagers will experience Jesus as the lifter of their burdens and the source of their rest and hope.
