If you were alive in the 90’s, it was just about impossible to escape the iconic film Field of Dreams. “If you build it, he will come” became a memorable tagline we applied to everything imaginable. Commercials parodied it. Businesses harnessed it. My friends and I joked about it.
But when I think of it now, an image blooms in my mind: I see Kevin Costner plowing his cornfield. Raising floodlights. Constructing wooden bleachers. He takes step after intentional step to prepare a space for something special to happen. At first, he doesn’t fully know what he’s setting the stage for, but he gathers resources and expends time, effort, and care nonetheless. What an apt metaphor for hospitality for teenagers.
Unlike Ray Kinsella in the movie, those of us seeking to host teenagers for the sake of the gospel have a clear goal in mind: Encounter Jesus! But like him, we too engage in a costly, messy, and risky process when we seek to set the stage for the Spirit to work.
Prayer
More than 20 years into working with teenagers, I’m convinced that prayer is the most important preparation we can do. Hospitality is as much, if not more, of a heart posture than anything else. It’s the gracious invitation of the gospel that says, “Come, my friend: you are welcome here just as you are.” So we need the Spirit’s wisdom, guidance, and work in our own hearts to facilitate that.
It’s tempting to jump right into the brainstorming, planning, and creativity that foster a setting that makes teenagers feel welcome. But what if Christ’s work in our own hearts is a huge part of what we have to offer?
Sometimes a good question can be revealing. What are some of the things that keep you from opening up your home, life, or heart to the teenagers the Lord has put in front of you? What are your barriers, and what are the roots of your resistance?
A few years back, my coworker’s freshman daughter, Alexa, began coming to the church with her many days of the week. Alexa was homeschooling her daughter, so our Sunday school classrooms weren’t a bad place for her to work.
I’d watch her shuffle by my office—head down, eyeliner thick, hair covering much of her face. Her posture communicated a veritable “Keep out!” sign. And a few weeks into having her around, I realized that I’d unconsciously heeded that sign. I hadn’t greeted her or made any effort to engage, and I felt convicted. I began to pray for her daily, and I started saying, “Hi.” A sweet friendship developed—one significant enough that it led to her inclusion in the Acknowledgments of my book.
Sometimes it’s our own self-protection, or even a sense of intimidation or rejection, that keeps us from initiating with teenagers. And sometimes, we find ourselves using the same line we hear them say over and over: “I’m just so busy!” Prayer gives us a chance to search our hearts and motives, laying them before the throne. We want to be led by the Spirit and his own unstoppable, loving pursuit of us. That doesn’t require the perfect thing to say, the perfect thing to do, or the perfect snacks. And thanks be to God, it doesn’t require a lack of awkwardness.
Embrace the Awkward
Sometimes I think the Lord called me into youth ministry primarily for my own sanctification. There’s no real recipe for getting it right all the time. In fact, failing relational attempts tends to be the norm for working with teenagers. Something that might make them laugh one day is eye-roll-evoking the next. One kid loves being asked questions about their life, and another shuts down, feeling like they’re being interviewed.
I can remember sensing this might be happening with a seventh grader one time, so I stopped myself and said, “Mary Hannah, on a scale from 1-10, how much do you want me to stop asking you questions right now?” And God bless the honest middle schoolers of the world: she looked at me with a straight face and said, “A seven,” and walked away.
“Entering into discomfort for the sake of sharing Jesus with teenagers” may very well be the tagline of youth ministry in general. And it serves as a helpful anchor for considering hospitality, as well. We’re not inviting students to coffee, meals, or game nights to make us feel comfortable. And we’re not waiting patiently amidst awkward silence after asking a hard question during small group for funsies. We’re holding fast to the word of life as we prayerfully wait for the Spirit to show up, and as we embody the pursuing love of Jesus that refuses to give up.
Honor Your Imago Dei, and Help Them to Honor Theirs
Fun fact: God created us uniquely to image himself in the world. That means that the way you offer hospitality might be different than the way I do—and that’s brilliant! That’s exactly how it’s supposed to be!
Each fall when I lived in Charlottesville, Virginia, I took a group of middle school girls apple picking. Then, I’d drive us back to the house I shared with three other young adults and bake apple pies with the girls. It was a blast! They got to experience the give-and-take of communal living in addition to opening the Bible while savoring the fruits of their labor.
Another group of girls I led met at my co-leader Meg’s house. She always cooked up something tasty. We hung out and snacked in the kitchen as we waited for everyone to arrive. Then we moved to her living room for our Bible study. Her youngest kids would pop in to say goodnight and snuggle with their mom for a moment while we met—meaning our students caught a glimpse of Christian motherhood during our time together.
More recently, it’s been a joy for me to encourage an upperclassman high schooler on her own journey of outreach through hospitality. She has been making intentional efforts to host members of her soccer team for Bible study. She’s also experiencing the difficulty of attempting to get responses, finding times that work for most, and having people drop out at the last minute. She’s learning that hospitality is costly in more ways than one; yet it is also a beautiful entry point to loving her friends in Christ.
Feed ‘Em!
As someone who feels especially loved when others feed me (bought, prepared: don’t matter none!), I resonate well with the sentiment, “If you feed them, they will come.” It’s not that I need the food (yes, I can forage for myself), nor that the food is the primary motivation. But wow, it sometimes just takes me over the hump of that little bit of resistance to go somewhere or to do something—especially in a busy season.
We all need to eat, and many of us love food. The Lord designed food as a significant part of the beauty, goodness, and vibrancy of creation. After all, his word teaches that we are headed for a feast in the new creation (Rev. 19:9)! We don’t need to prepare five-course meals or obliterate our food budget to include food in our hospitality for teenagers. We can get creative with popcorn, mac and cheese, pizza-making, freezie pops, and the like. My high school girls in Chattanooga came to associate brownies with small group, and that warmed my crème-brûlée-preferring little heart.
Hospitality is far more about welcoming students into our lives with the heart of Christ than it is about having the perfect space, the tastiest food, the most engaging activities, or the funniest jokes to entertain. We get to show up and prayerfully offer the gracious love that Jesus has so abundantly offered us. We bring our loaves and fishes, and the Lord makes the feast. Bonus points if you’re inviting me over and it is actually a feast.
Gospel-Centered Youth Ministry provides theologically rooted yet eminently practical truth to equip youth leaders to effectively shepherd the young people under their care―training them to live faithfully in their homes, churches, and schools.
