I have a pet peeve.
It is a phrase that many (including me) use all too frequently. The phrase is “Everything will be fine.” I noticed a growing discomfort with this phrase when my third child was born with complex medical challenges, but no diagnosis. Well-meaning people from many walks of life (family, friends, medical professionals, even clergy) assured me that everything was fine. Fast forward nineteen years, and that difficult-to-diagnose infant with a rare craniofacial syndrome has walked through twenty-five surgeries, hundreds of medical appointments , and years of suffering. He is currently healthy and a freshman in college! Many points along the way, though, the well-meaning phrase “Everything will be fine” unintentionally dismissed distressing uncertainty, unrelenting pain, and real suffering.
Will everything be fine? Yes. Eternally speaking, if someone is in Christ, everything will be fine when we are resurrected, given a new body, and reunited with Christ. But, here on earth, there is death, sin, and pain. Here, we are stuck between the “already” and the “not yet.” As I experienced with my son, everything was decidedly not fine, nor should I have expected it to be. How do we, as parents, talk with our children about this place—this tension in which we all live between the already and the not yet? How do we live with hope in a fallen world, modeling hope for our children?
Speaking to crowds at the Mount of Olives, Jesus says that the way out of the darkness is himself. John records, “Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life” (John 8:12). With these words, Jesus gives us sight to see past the darkness to the hope that has already happened through his death and resurrection. He has defeated sin and death on our behalf. When Jesus returns, my son’s body will be whole: no more surgeries, no more pain, no more appointments. Whole.
My children are watching my responses and learning from them. How do I respond when the “everything is fine” facade melts away? When teaching my children to hope in Christ, I have learned that I must first acknowledge the darkness. Second, I must believe Jesus to be the Light, actively pointing my children to him. And finally, I must follow him (the Light) in whatever comes my way on this side of eternity.
Acknowledge the Darkness
We don’t have to look far to see the darkness in our world, and our children see it as well. People die in car accidents. Relationships suffer estrangement. We see daily news reports of a relentless array of sin and suffering. We adults are not fooled, and neither are our children.
The Bible does not shy away from acknowledging this brokenness. At the very beginning of time, Adam and Eve sinned, even though they had the perfect Parent and lived in a perfect world. Cain killed Abel. Israel built the calf. The Psalmists repeatedly illustrate the pain of life on earth as well as the blessing and privilege of being honest with God in our trials. Even Jesus cried out in his grief and loneliness on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46).
Clearly, bad things do happen, even to wonderful people we know and love. Our children are not immune. In an age-appropriate way, we must help them see and name the darkness, while calling out to God with them in our confusion, grief, and pain.
Believe Jesus
We don’t have to be smart, athletic, personable, or creative to have faith. Faith is a gift, one that God encourages us to request in abundance. How do we model this with our children? We bring them along with us in our asking. Lord Jesus, we don’t know why this is happening. Please give us faith. Our requests can be that simple. We don’t have to have all the answers. We just need to take our children along with us as we look to the Light.
Faith realizes that embracing Jesus’ love can cast out our fear, enabling us to walk through the “not fine” parts of life (1 John 4:18). It reminds us that God is still good, even in the face of pain, injustice and sin. Faith remembers and determines to keep remembering, regardless of circumstances.
When my young children and I made it through half of my husband’s 15-month deployment to Iraq, we hauled some stones in the backyard and built our very own Ebenezer. We recited “Thus far has the Lord helped us, and he will keep helping us in the days to come” (1 Sam. 7:12). One of the greatest gifts I have experienced through my children is their reminders to me of God’s goodness during moments in my own life when darkness obscures the light. “Look, Mommy. See the rocks? The Lord helped us. Don’t forget, Mommy.” Lead your children to remember, and one day, they may lead you, too.
Follow the Light
Following Jesus as the Light begins with remembering. We remember that Jesus saved us and continues to save and renew us each day. Jesus is not shocked at the unvarnished reality of life between the already and not yet. He is not wringing his hands, wondering what to do. Jesus hears our cries, and the cries of our children. He loves us with perfect love, and all things are under his control and care. All things.
Some of the world’s darkness blindsided one of my children in a coming-of-age moment during his middle school years. What could I say to my young teen? The Apostle John’s words were better than anything I could share:
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and nothing was made without him. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
John 1:1-5
This is the light we must follow, pointing our children to its radiance each and every day.
Hope in the Waiting
How can we teach our children to have hope in this fallen world? We acknowledge that everything is not fine on this side of Heaven—not in ourselves, not in our children, not in the world around us. But, like a tiny light on the power strip under a desk that goes unseen during the day but then keeps us from sleeping at night from its brightness, through darkness Jesus shines.
We can teach our children to keep looking to the Light, to remind themselves and us that God is good, regardless of our circumstances. Jesus beckons us to follow him as we wait for his return, the day when beauty comes from ashes, joy replaces mourning, and all things are made new. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
One day, everything will be fine.
For more gospel-centered wisdom and support in parenting, consider using Rooted’s Family Discipleship Curriculum with your church or small group.
