I once asked a seasoned ministry leader, “How did you overcome the temptation to compare yourself to others, or to please people?” He smiled, paused, and said, “I’ll let you know when I do.”
His honesty caught me off guard, especially since from the outside he seemed to be someone who was unfazed by other people’s perceptions. At the same time, his answer was strangely freeing.
At the heart of my question was a deeper longing: How do we walk in the freedom we have in Christ… when everything around us pulls us to perform, pretend, or prove something?
I remember hearing Christian hip hop artist KB say,
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
That line pierced me. “Freedom” has been a very complicated word for me over the years.The truth is, I wasn’t just wrestling with what freedom meant for me as a ministry leader, I was feeling it as a parent. Smiling through exhaustion. Performing strength in front of my kids. Measuring myself against every “perfect family” Instagram post or YouTube video my kids enjoy watching.
Maybe you’ve been there too. Whether it’s ministry or motherhood, parenting or pastoring, the pressure to perform can be burdensome. But if we want to lead our kids in freedom, we first have to learn how to live in it ourselves.
If we want to live and parent from a place of freedom, we need to go back to where true freedom begins: the cross of Christ.
That’s exactly what the Apostle Paul points us to in Galatians 5:1, when he writes:
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
In the book of Galatians, Paul is addressing Christians who had started well in the gospel but were being tempted to return to rules, rituals, and performance-based living. They were beginning to believe that God’s love had to be earned through obeying the law, not received as a free gift of grace. Sometimes we feel this way today, especially since so many of our relationships are conditional and transactional. We often feel as if other people’s love is earned based on our actions and what we can do for them.
Paul’s words in Galatians 5:1 are a bold declaration: Christ didn’t set you free just to have you live in chains of performance-based living again. He set you free so you could stay free –free from sin, shame, and the exhausting pressure to prove your worth.
As parents, we may not be adding circumcision or ceremonial laws to our family rhythms, but many of us are living under a yoke of modern-day bondage, the bondage of:
- Trying to be the perfect parent
- Carrying the weight of our child’s faith and future on our shoulders
- Comparing ourselves to what other families are doing
- Pleasing people more than trusting God
- Believing that how we perform determines our value
This is the bondage of performance-based parenting, and it is just as exhausting and spiritually dangerous as the law Paul warned about.
Paul doesn’t just diagnose the problem, he announces the gospel hope: Christ has already set us free.
That means we don’t have to parent to earn approval but we parent from the freedom we already have in Jesus.
We are free from the pressure to be flawless.
We are free from the need to impress others.
We are free from the lie that our failures disqualify us from God’s grace.
And we are free to live, and parent, as beloved sons and daughters, trusting that God’s grace is sufficient not just for us, but for our children too.
This is the good news: your identity is secure and your worth is settled. Your success as a parent doesn’t depend on your performance, it depends on Christ’s finished work.
What does biblical freedom look like, lived out? When we hear the word “freedom,” we might think of letting go entirely, but biblical freedom doesn’t mean parenting without structure or standards. It means parenting without the burdensome weight of guilt, comparison, or fear. Freedom is not carefree and careless, but instead it is intentionally seeking the Lord every single day as he guides in the freedom he gives in Christ.
Here’s what gospel-shaped freedom actually looks like in the life of a parent:
1. Freedom looks like grace over guilt.
You don’t have to be a perfect parent. You won’t always get it right. You’ll lose your temper, forget the field trip form, or miss a teachable moment.
Freedom means you can repent without spiraling into shame because your identity isn’t tied to your worst parenting moment, it’s tied to Christ. It means embracing the gift of God’s sufficient grace for your life, for you so you can extend it to your children.
2. Freedom looks like presence over performance.
When we’re constantly trying to measure up to what culture expects, what social media shows, or what we think other families are doing, we miss the beauty of just being present.
Biblical freedom invites us to show up fully, not to impress, but to connect. To listen instead of just lecturing. To laugh without worrying about appearances. To rest without needing to prove anything. To be present in the lives of our children and steward them faithfully.
3. Freedom looks like trust over control.
One of the biggest challenges for Christian parents is releasing the idea that we can control our child’s heart, choices, or spiritual growth. We tend to see the shortcomings of our children as a reflection of us or our parenting. Even more, we live with the worry of how other people will perceive our parenting because of something our children may have done.
Freedom doesn’t mean we stop guiding our kids, it means we stop trying to control them. It means we trust that God is at work in our children even when we can’t see it. The same God that found you when you were dead in your sin is the same God that can find your child. Freedom means we stop parenting from fear and start parenting with faith, not in ourselves, but in the God who loves our children even more than we do.
How do we walk in the freedom we have in Christ… when everything around us pulls us to perform, pretend, or prove something? By remembering you don’t need to earn what Jesus already secured for you. You’re already loved. You are already chosen. You are already enough in Christ in spite of your shortcomings.
You won’t always get it right. Your kids will push back. Your plans will fall apart. You’ll have moments of weakness, insecurity, and second-guessing. But freedom means you don’t have to let those moments define you.
The more we embrace our freedom in Jesus, the more we create a home where our children can learn to walk in it too. We won’t build our homes on pressure or perfection, but on grace, truth, and peace.
So today, breathe. Release the weight you were never meant to carry. Find comfort in the words of Jeremiah, “Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence” (Jer. 17:7). Go forward and parent out of the confidence you have in Christ and from the freedom that Jesus died to give you.
Check out the Rooted Parent Podcast season “Can’t Do It All.”
