Every generation seems to think that the next generation could use a lesson in grit and resilience. The Chinese expression “eating bitterness” teaches children that the suffering that’s endured and swallowed strengthens one’s insides. Other sayings touch on the same idea, such as Albert Einstein’s, “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” Or there are more in-your-face counterparts, such as, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” said Nietzsche and also Kelly Clarkson, or Benjamin Franklin’s “No pain, no gain.” Many parents, myself included, have repeated these sayings to our kids. We want our kids to be resilient so that they can persevere through whatever comes their way.
Prizes And Doing Hard Things
When our kids were younger, we offered them rewards for some healthy motivation. The idea was that in pursuit of the prize they would develop a habit of facing hard and scary things. They would get to reap the reward of both the prize and the satisfaction of having faced a challenge. When they got older, the rewards had to size up, because the challenges took more work. Stickers for potty times graduated to a special treat for getting to higher reading levels. Now that they’re teenagers, they may have their own goals and motivations. If their goals are to make straight A’s or to win the championship, they’ll persevere through the extra credit work and the practices without our prizes. But when our kids don’t feel so purposeful or have a sense of urgency, they drag their feet or get derailed by the smallest setbacks. They value what they can do far too little, and they value their own comfort far too much. We parents want our children to know that what they do does matter. We want them to pursue a better prize than their personal comfort.
As Christians, the most important, defining characteristic about us is that Jesus died in our place for our sins and rose again to life to defeat sin and death. Jesus saved us and made us his. What makes this Good News to us, again and again, is recognizing afresh that we could never have saved ourselves. An amazing gift of grace has been poured out on us. We already have the prize of all prizes in having Jesus! But now that we are God’s people, we are called to “press on toward the goal to win the prize” (Phil. 3:14). Paul is referring to the not-yet prize that every believer is due to receive: the next life, free from the presence of sin, when faith turns to sight, and we finally behold Jesus face to face.
The Prize of Pressing On
We help our kids see the value of pressing on, of doing the hard and uncomfortable or the boring and mundane, by helping them see the value of their prize.
We can relate when our kids feel that their tasks are tedious or frustratingly difficult. We feel the same way about some of our tasks, too, and it’s partly because there are “thorns and thistles in the ground where we toil” (Gen. 3:18). Our kids’ very best may not yield perfect or amazing results because ever since the Fall, the world does not work as it should. We can talk to our kids about how, even if the fairest systems were in place, bullying were illegal, and greenhouse emissions were down, trials would always be present in this life (1 Pet. 4:12-13). And seeing the significance of what we are tasked to do can itself be a trial.
We can remind our kids that we can press on towards the prize through thorns and thistles, because our prize is guaranteed. One day Jesus will return, and in the new world that he brings, everything will work as it should. Then we will see with our eyes how our acts of ordinary faithfulness contributed to the beautiful tapestry that is the lives of all God’s people, his kingdom. In God’s economy, no labor in the Lord is ever in vain (1 Cor. 15:58).
But until then, how do we wait for Jesus? How should we live in light of our future? Many passages speak to this question, and Galatians 6 is one that teenagers find clear and understandable: we reap what we sow. Paul warns that “sowing to our own flesh” can only reap corruption. Cultivating a life for one’s own pleasure and comfort is a foolish pursuit, and it is not true to our identity as God’s people. But God promises that we will reap eternal life if we press on by doing good, sowing to the Spirit by aiming to please God with our hearts and our hands.
We want our kids to be resilient and hardy, ready to face challenges. But our perseverance as Christians is so much more than eating bitterness to become gritty or enduring pain for our own gain. We who belong to Jesus must, can, and will persevere, because our Savior who loves us holds us fast forever (Jude 24). Our ordinary faithfulness is possible and powered by the Spirit. Our heavenly Father is delighted with our sincere efforts, repentance, and dependence on him. So our obedience is deeply joyful, because we are aiming to please him who loves us to the point of death on the cross.
We can tell our kids this: It’s always worth it to do what’s hard that pleases God, because our prize is both here now, and it also awaits. Jesus is our prize. He’s with us, holding us, and helping us today. And he is coming back soon.
Did you know Rooted offers a Family Ministry Mentorship? Our 12-week cohorts provide both small group and individual coaching for volunteers, youth pastors or associate pastors who oversee family ministry in their church contexts.
