When you consider your role as a youth minister, did you think you’d be serving students or parents? Did you imagine a room full of teenagers worshipping the Lord through singing loudly? Or sitting at a coffee shop listening to a dad or mom share parenting struggles with you?
No matter how you would answer these questions, ministry to students should include ministry to parents in some form. Meanwhile, there seems to be a growing number of barriers between youth pastors and volunteers and parents. We must identify and prayerfully overcome these barriers because ministry to students is amplified by relationship with and ministry to their parents.
Even if students show up at every Sunday school class, youth group gathering, and youth ministry trip, kids will spend more time with their parents than their youth minister. In a previous article I wrote titled “Youth Minister, Consider Rethinking Your Parent Meetings This Year,” I suggested that we should consider meeting with parents in settings similar to parent-teacher conferences at schools.
We need nuance in these conversations, as each church context is different. Still, after discussing this topic with other youth workers, I’m even more convinced that this method is attainable and helpful.
Overcoming Barriers to Partnering with Parents
My preference is still to meet with parents in a large group. However, that method usually involves me talking more than listening. Information transfer can happen in a room where parents sit in rows and listen to the youth pastor talk, but there isn’t much time or opportunity for parents to appropriately share with me about their child.
Ultimately, each youth minister should decide how to best connect with parents. In the process of discerning how to do that, I want to encourage you to prayerfully seek God’s help to overcome some common barriers in ministering to parents. With the Spirit’s enabling, we can care for both students and parents. We want to step into our calling to share with both groups the good news that God loves them and has expressed this love primarily through sending his son Jesus Christ into the world.
Reflecting on my own ministry experiences as well as those of friends in ministry, I’d like to share several obstacles I have personally encountered to positive connection with parents, along with encouragement for responding to these questions and self-doubts.
“I don’t have teenage children, so why would parents listen to me?”
You may not have teenage children yet, or maybe you never will. However, remember that everyone who has children at one point did not. Nowhere in Scripture is having children a requirement for encouraging parents to faithfully follow Jesus in their lives. Don’t try to be someone you are not (or are not yet).
Encourage the parents in front of you with gospel-centered, biblical counsel. One simple way to encourage parents is to specifically share with them evidence of God’s grace and growth in the lives of their teenagers. As a youth minister or volunteer, you have the ability to see their children’s lives from a different perspective. You never know how you can encourage their faith simply by sharing the good things you see God doing, no matter how seemingly small.
“Isn’t it the senior pastor’s role to care for parents, while mine is to focus on students?”
There is some truth to this statement. It is the senior pastor’s responsibility to minister to parents, but that doesn’t mean the youth pastor or volunteer leader can ignore them. A good first step is talking with the senior pastor about how your ministries can complement each other in serving both parents and students.
Beyond this, spending time with parents can help you better understand your students. You can ask questions about how they were raised, what the parents see from their perspective, and what the parents think you can do to help their children grow. Another side benefit is that now the parents can know another one of the leaders in the church, other than the senior pastor. This leads to less siloed ministry models on a week to week basis.
“Parents are too busy—or they simply don’t prioritize connection.”
This barrier reminds us that we cannot control parents’ availability—but that doesn’t mean it should control our effort to minister to them. It took nearly seven years to build a regular and attainable ministry to parents in my church context. Do you know how I started? I met with one parent at a time who was willing to meet. Start small and see how the Lord grows your ministry to parents.
“I barely have enough time to minister to students. How am I supposed to minister to parents as well?”
The scheduling struggle is real in youth ministry. As I sat around a table recently with two other youth pastors discussing this topic, I encouraged one of them that if we minister to parents, something else will likely have to give in our schedules. The key is understanding that meeting with parents is not a competition with student ministry—it is an essential part of it.
If the goal is spiritual growth of the student, then ministering to parents will naturally overflow to the student. This isn’t a different type of ministry, but a deeper way to minister to students.
“If I’m honest, I’m scared.”
That’s fair. Especially for younger youth workers, it can be intimidating to come alongside parents who may not even seem to want your help. Take that fear to the Lord. He has placed you in your church on purpose and for a purpose.
As intimidating as the aforementioned thoughts can be, parents have a deep need for support and encouragement during the difficult journey of raising teenagers. Whether you find yourself encouraged in your ministry today or barely able to look into the next season, remind yourself that your worth comes not through success or failure in how you minister to parents or students.
Our worth as youth ministers is ultimately found in being made in the image of God and standing in the gospel of Jesus. As we focus on serving God by ministering to others, we are reminded that “our inner self is being renewed day by day” (2 Cor. 4:6). It is out of this identity and truth that we overcome barriers to ministering to parents.
When we can get to the place of being confident in our own identity, the mission of making disciples of our students expands our hearts to know and love them through many different avenues. As we communicate and connect with their parents, we get to know them at deeper levels, expanding trust in both sides of the relationship.
If you’re looking for support to grow in gospel-centered ministry to students and their families, Rooted offers mentorship programs that can help. Inquire today about our youth and family ministry cohorts!
