Every youth worker wants to disciple students to walk with Jesus. I’m pretty confident this isn’t an overstatement.
This is why we sit in burning hot bleachers to watch soccer games and take students for pizza and play video games that we’d never otherwise be interested in—because we want to build relationships that will lead youth into a personal and meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ. Regardless of who you are or what your tradition is, men and women who serve in youth ministry want to make disciples.
Because we share this goal in common, it’s important for us to know the difference between ministry and discipleship.
What is Discipleship?
A disciple is a student, or follower, of someone who they want to emulate. Discipleship goes beyond mere education and the transfer of knowledge from teacher to student. It’s a relationship in which the student seeks to become like the teacher. This is why Jesus said to his own disciples, “The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.” (Luke 6:40). Discipleship involves the student actually becoming like his or her master, not simply acquiring that person’s knowledge.
If everything is discipleship, then nothing is discipleship. As tempting as it may be to place every aspect of ministry somewhere on the spectrum of discipleship, I think it’s much wiser (and more helpful) to have a tighter definition. For sake of this article, I’ll consider discipleship the intentional pursuit of Christlikeness.
When it comes to relational discipleship, I wonder how many youth workers are spending time with students under the name of “relational discipleship” while rarely talking about Christ. I definitely have! Being with students is meaningful and important. The Lord honors such ministry. But that doesn’t mean all your time hanging out with students is discipleship.
What Does Relational Discipleship Look Like?
We can sharpen our discipleship focus by reflecting on what relational discipleship looks like in different settings.
One-on-One
I have spent hours upon hours trying to disciple students who don’t actually want to be discipled. Eventually, I had to accept that I can’t disciple someone who doesn’t want to be discipled. If discipleship is coming alongside teenagers to help them intentionally pursue Christlikeness, then they must have some measure of spiritual hunger. It’s never a waste of time to minister to students who aren’t ready for discipleship; however, recognizing this distinction can relieve you of discouragement about why you aren’t making more progress with certain students.
When you meet with a student one-on-one for discipleship, it’s important that both of you have clear expectations about what you’re doing. Be upfront with him about whether you are meeting to hang out or to help him seek Christ and grow spiritually. If your purpose is intentional discipleship, then decide with the student how you’ll do that: will you read a book together, work through a book of the Bible, or talk through particular questions or issues the student is curious about? If there’s no agreed-upon structure for your time together, then free yourself and that student of expectations that you’ll “go deep” in conversation together. Instead, you can simply enjoy time together and see what conversations the Lord prompts.
Finally, you’ll want to be mindful about where you meet. Of course, it’s crucially important to meet where you are always visible to others (yes, even if you’re meeting with a student of the same gender as you). Meeting somewhere in public with lots happening around you might sound casual and fun, but can sometimes be distracting or lead the student to hold back in the conversation.
Casual Small Groups
Many of the comments about one-on-one discipleship also apply to meeting with small groups of students. This is different from a programmed small group, since this type of casual small group doesn’t meet at church and probably isn’t working through a curriculum.
When meeting with students in this setting, it’s still good to have clear expectations about why you’re gathering. Meeting with a handful of students together might draw in reluctant students more than meeting with them one-on-one. If you have an opportunity to lead this type of group in discipleship then I’ve found simplicity to be best: read through a book of the Bible and discuss it. This is a good way to teach them how to read and study the Bible, and it can be less awkward in a group of two to four students than it is one-on-one. Another good option is to find a good book to read together. Some youth pastors have even read theology books with students and found it fruitful—don’t underestimate your students’ capability!
Structured Small Groups
Now we get to regularly scheduled ministry programs. What should happen in a small group? I like to recommend three things: Prayer, Teaching, and Discussion. Effective small group discipleship leads students to love one another by advocating for each other before the throne of God. This type of setting also prompts students to learn and talk about how the Word of God applies to the issues they’re facing.
Small groups can fall apart in many different ways, but when we keep the group fixed on prayer, teaching, and discussion then we’re able to lead fruitful disciple-making small groups. In this regard, it’s important to recognize that different small group leaders probably lean toward one of those three priorities. Leaders who gravitate toward getting students to pray for each other will often prioritize open sharing about their week (possibly featuring a handful of long rabbit trails by talkative students), leaving little time for discussing Scripture. Those who value discussion will create time for students to share their own reflections and questions about the message or Bible teaching, often leading to tangents and speculation that strays considerably from the lesson’s text. Meanwhile, teachers can be so focused on getting the message across that students are reluctant to say anything because they’ll be corrected—so discussion is brief and prayer time is rushed. In this way, small groups often take on the personality of the small group leader, and it’s important to provide training that will help them embrace all three priorities of small groups, rather than only appreciating the one they’re naturally drawn towards.
Larger Groups
When it comes to discipleship in large groups, it’s important to have a plan for your whole ministry. Discipleship in a large-group setting takes greater intentionality, but let’s not fall into the trap of believing that relational discipleship can only happen one-on-one or in small groups. Whether your large group setting includes 20 or 2000 people, God’s Word will feed and strengthen God’s people.
We believe the Bible is the inspired and authoritative Word of God, and yet we may be tempted to use Scripture as a buttress to express our own opinions. Teach the Bible with confidence that God still speaks through his inspired Word. Teach it with clarity, and with the desire for them to receive the good news of Christ every week. Remember that when you teach, you’re teaching for discipleship, not merely for education. If this is something you’d like to grow in, then register for the Rooted preconference, “Teach with Confidence” hosted by Youth Pastor Theologian.
The Gospel for (Weary) Disciple-Makers
Discipleship is the primary task of pastoral ministry. Not because we want to boost attendance or win a culture war or ensure our own job security. We make disciples because Jesus is worthy. He is worthy of our love and affection. He is worthy of our obedience and worship. He is worthy, even when ministry is discouraging, students walk away from faith and are critical of their youth ministry experience, and when we ourselves struggle with personal hardships. Not only is Jesus worthy, but he is faithful. He will carry you, your ministry, and the results because salvation is the work of God.
Discipling students takes a lot of effort, and it requires us to pour ourselves out for the sake of Christ. If you’re exhausted, then rest in the promise that Christ will continue to build his Church (Matt. 16:18). If you’re overwhelmed, remember fruit-bearing is God’s work, not yours (Matt. 13:1-23). If you’re discouraged, find assurance in God’s promise that your labor is not in vain (1 Cor. 15:58). God is faithful. He will hold your students, and you, in the palm of his hand (John 10:28-30).
If you’re looking for coaching and resources to teach the Bible to teenagers, consider joining us for the Youth Pastor Theologian Pre-Conference at Rooted’s 2025 Conference in Chicago, Illinois October 23-25.
Do you teach God’s Word to youth? Do you want to teach it with greater clarity and confidence? This preconference with Mike McGarry and John Gardner from YPT will help you move from studying Scripture to crafting a message and delivering it with depth and clarity. This preconference will be held on Thursday, October 23 from 11:30am – 3pm. Lunch is included with your registration. Sign Up Today!
