In this installment of Ask Rooted, we tackle a question we didn’t get to answer in the Q&A for our recent webinar, Partnering with Parents to Disciple Their Teenagers. Many youth ministers are growing in the awareness that we need to work alongside the parents of our students in order to disciple them. But how do we recruit the youth workers on our teams to join us in this vision? We hope these responses will encourage you as you partner with parents in your church.
Connor Coskery, Youth Minister at Redeemer Community Church in Birmingham, AL
Many lay leaders volunteer in youth ministry because they love spending time with teenagers. They might not understand how to engage with parents, or even see it as necessary. If you want your lay leaders to join you in partnering with parents, you need to broaden their vision for serving to include the parents.
The first step is demonstrating this to your leaders through simple acts of partnership like greeting parents at drop-off and pick-up, looking for opportunities to encourage, and communicating clearly and often. If you demonstrate a culture of partnership in youth ministry, there is a greater chance of it being caught by your lay leaders.
Another way we can help our lay leaders catch the vision for partnering with parents is to always push them to be professional in their roles (even if they’re not on the payroll). Be clear about how you expect leaders to communicate with students and parents. Make sure they understand that few parents are going to object to over-communication. Simple acts of respect and reliability go a long way in building trust with parents.
Finally, include your volunteers in parent-specific gatherings and events. Take time at the beginning of each semester and host a parent potluck or town hall meeting and begin by introducing your leaders to the parents. Invite leaders to any parent workshops you host. When we do this we show our leaders that we see them as more than simply leaders to students, that they play an important role in helping whole families flourish in the faith.
Terrence Shay, Family Ministry Pastor at FCBC Walnut in Southern California
Two actions come to mind related to equipping our youth volunteers to partner with parents.
Coaching
Teach youth leaders the biblical paradigm that parents are the primary disciple-makers in training up their children (Deut. 6:4-9) by pointing to Jesus in the ordinary. This is a responsibility that only parents can fulfill because teenagers are under their watch and authority. Parents are irreplaceable.
At the same time, the local church is the people of God, through which students receive opportunities to hear the gospel and to follow Jesus as a part of his forever family. Youth volunteers serve as disciple-makers on behalf of the church under your leadership. Youth leaders are also essential. Showing this partnership as biblical, complementary, and edifying will lead volunteers to desire collaboration. It will also help them to identify obstacles and to address issues. Whereas parents and volunteers so often operate in silos, sometimes with frustration and disappointment, we can coach them to engage in meaningful partnership.
Connection
As youth ministers, we do well to build bridges between volunteers and parents that enable them to dialogue, problem-solve, and pray together for their students. This can happen on two fronts: public and personal. Public communication might include an orientation in which you introduce youth volunteers to the families of students so that parents feel comfortable with their roles.
Personal conversations also play a critical role, as youth ministers connect specific youth leaders to the parents of their grade level, small group members, and/or classroom students. These interactions allow for deeper issues to be expressed in words and body language. Aim for the long-term goal of helping to build these relationships through the developmental stages in your ministry (middle school, lower high school, and upper high school). Be intentional about being an advocate for both the volunteers and the parents in their disciple-making roles while also a peacemaker between the two, building bridges instead of taking sides.
Chelsea Kingston Erickson, Veteran Youth Minister and Rooted Staff in Hamilton, MA
Youth ministers often find ourselves in a mediating role—between teenagers and adults in the church body, between teenagers and parents, or between parents and the youth leaders on our teams. Rather than experiencing this part of our jobs as a frustration, what if we were to ask God for joy in serving as peacemakers? We get to partner with God to bring greater unity in the body of Christ!
As we work to foster collaboration between parents and youth leaders, we may need to provide training for our team. We can begin by teaching the biblical call for Christian parents to disciple their children, explaining our church’s specific vision for youth ministry. Then we can share some best practices. For example, we want to coach youth leaders always to give parents the benefit of the doubt and to shepherd teenagers toward the biblical call to honoring their parents. It’s also helpful to be direct in outlining for leaders how we’d like leaders to communicate with parents, whether about plans to meet a student after school or about sensitive care issues that arise.
Youth ministry never ought to be an end unto itself. Instead, youth ministry exists to see teenagers connected to Christ and his body. May we serve winsomely as peacemakers between teenagers and all the adults who love them in our local churches.
If you’re looking for resources to equip and encourage parents in your church, Rooted Reservoir Family Discipleship offers eight courses, including Shame and Grace in Parenting, Gospel 101, and Talking to Our Children About Sex.
