I love movies, and I love sports; those are the two most unoriginal things about me. So, you can imagine how I feel whenever I get to experience both of those put together: sports movies. Of all the great sports movies to exist over the years, my all-time favorite is Remember the Titans.
It’s a movie loosely based on the true story of the 1971 T.C. Williams High School football team in Alexandria, Virginia. In the movie, Denzel Washington plays Coach Boone, the new head coach tasked with unifying a team whose school has just been desegregated. When Coach Boone arrives, everyone immediately places expectations on him. Parents, players, assistant coaches, and the community all want him to serve their interests. Some want him to win games. Some want him to protect traditions. Some want him just to stay in his lane. Everyone wants Coach Boone to be who they want rather than what the team needs.
Prioritize Long-Term Growth
Coach Boone struggles through this for a while, but it isn’t until he stops trying to meet everyone else’s expectations that the team finally thrives. Therein lies the lesson for youth and family ministers seeking to serve the parents in our churches. Because oftentimes the difference between what we want and what we need is the difference between short-term satisfaction and long-term growth.
Parents don’t need someone who can entertain their kids, keep the family calendar full, or even be their child’s favorite adult. What they need is someone who will help them fulfill their God-given role as the primary disciple-maker in the home. That requires knowing what qualities to look for in a youth and family minister. It also requires the humility to re-orient any misaligned expectations from your personal preferences towards what will promote long-term discipleship. Consider how the following promotes long-term discipleship that leads to spiritual health and maturity for youth and their families.
Parents need a partner, not a replacement.
Parents are the primary disciple-makers in the home. No ministry, no matter how good, can ever substitute for the time, influence, and biblical responsibility parents have in discipling their children. We need to be careful we don’t unintentionally displace parents’ role as disciple-makers. Instead, we need to come alongside families in a supportive way, helping them to use what we are teaching on a weekly basis in their homes.
Parents need another trusted adult who loves their children enough to tell them the truth.
I remember what it was like to be a teenager. And now that I have teenagers myself, it only further confirms my experience. At some point, our kids will tune us out. The information parents try to share with them could be loving, gracious, and filled with God’s truth. And yet, it may not matter.
That’s less an indictment on parents and more a reflection of the ways the enemy attacks the family while seeking to divide children from the safety of wise counsel. When that happens, parents need other voices who can step in with the same type of love and care to deliver a message filled with love and truth. A parent’s voice matters, but there is significant grace in children hearing the same truth no matter which direction they turn. God’s truth is God’s truth regardless of where they hear it.
Parents need someone who sees the whole family.
Youth ministry can oftentimes, unintentionally, become student-centered rather than family-centered. This comes with the danger of neglecting the effect of a student’s struggles on the entire family. Parents need leaders who recognize that a teenager’s struggles rarely happen in isolation. The best youth and family ministers don’t stop at asking “How is your youth doing?” They ask, “How is your family doing?”
Parents need encouragement more than judgment.
I can’t tell you how many families I have spoken to who feel overwhelmed by parenting. And not just because parenting can be hard. It is also because many of the things they hear and read about what discipleship in the home should look like feel like a load too heavy for them to carry.
Parents need someone who leads with grace, encourages them with hope and patience, and reminds them that the gospel has the power to meet them in their situation. Parents don’t need someone who criticizes their mistakes or compares them to another family. They need a leader who sees what they are doing and encourages them to keep running the race by faith.
Parents need communication, not surprises.
Trust grows through communication. Parents need ministry leaders who proactively communicate what students are learning, what challenges they are facing, and how parents can continue the conversation at home. The strongest ministries don’t just inform parents about events. They equip parents for discipleship.
Parents need a model of long-term discipleship.
Youth and family ministry shouldn’t be measured by attendance numbers or the students’excitement, but by who those students are becoming. Have they developed a genuine love for God and his people? Do they follow Jesus when no one is watching? Have they abandoned the faith as soon as they’ve left for college? Have they found a local church that they are participating in based on their own commitment to God’s mission?
Parents need a leader whose idea of success isn’t limited to the season of life they minister to. They need a leader who prepares their children for a lifetime of following Jesus.
As important as youth and family ministers are, we were never meant to carry the weight of being your students’ savior. Neither were their parents. The good news of the gospel is that the spiritual future of our children does not ultimately rest on perfect parenting or the effectiveness of your church’s ministry. It rests in the hands of a faithful God who loves them even more than you do. This is why parents need youth and family ministers who continually point them back to Jesus.
The goal is not to raise perfect kids or build perfect families, but to faithfully follow Christ while trusting him with the results. God sees your labor. He knows your fears. He is at work in ways you cannot always see. And through his grace, he often uses both the church and the home together to accomplish far more than either could ever do alone.
Can’t join our Rooted 2026: Biblical Humanity conference in person? We are now offering livestream access for individuals and churches. Find out more information on our Conference page.
