Back in April, the much-beloved Judy Bloom novel, Are you There God? It’s Me, Margaret took to the big screen. Set in the mid-70s, the film chronicles the tale of Margaret Simon, a spunky 11-year-old who moves from New York City to the suburbs of New Jersey. It’s a quintessential coming-of-age tale filled with lessons in prayer, friendship, parenting, and of course, puberty and the opposite sex.
Rooted writers Carolyn and Rebecca Lankford (who happen to be mother and daughter) recently sat down to watch Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. If you’re looking for a movie to watch with your child over a holiday break, we hope their conversation will encourage you as you consider watching the movie with any Margarets in your own life.
Spoiler/Warning: This film does touch on issues common to female puberty and maturation. Parents should be advised to not watch with young children.
Rebecca:
While I wouldn’t recommend Are you There God? It’s Me Margaret for a crash-course in parent discipleship, I personally loved this movie. It was a perfect blend of heartfelt and humorous, and it was especially fun to watch with my mom, who grew up in the 70s (I’m so thankful undergarments and hairstyles have changed a bit since then!).
I would imagine most women will painfully resonate with Margaret’s tumultuous journey through puberty and middle school. It’s during this period of angst that Margaret (played by Abby Ryder Fortson) begins to talk to God. Despite the fact that Margaret’s parents have made a conscious decision to not raise Margaret with any specific religion (more on that later), Margaret begins to pray alone in her room in her deepest times of need.
Margaret’s prayers are sincere and childlike, and it’s interesting to note that Margaret feels the presence of a God about whom she has never been taught. Though Margaret relates to God more like a vending machine rather than a loving Father, I was inspired by the sincerity and honesty of her prayer life, much like Jesus instructs us to pray in Matthew 6.
However, Margaret’s quest for God also presents some opportunities for parents to consider how they model for and teach their children about what it looks like to have a relationship with God. As mentioned, Margaret’s parents intentionally leave their daughter’s religious faith up to her own choosing. Margaret’s mom (Rachel McAdams) was raised by conservative Christian parents, and Margaret’s father (Benny Safdie) is Jewish. Because of religious tension in their own families, Margaret’s parents have decided to “spare” Margaret a similar hurt and let her decide which religious path she wants to tread, if any at all.
Their well-intentioned plan ends up doing Margaret a disservice. Because Margaret hasn’t been taught anything about God or the faith of her parents, she’s left to discover it on her own. Margaret’s search for God, especially in prayer, leaves her feeling confused and frustrated when God doesn’t seem to answer all her requests in the ways Margaret had hoped.
Margaret demonstrates the danger in trying to find God on our own and fashioning him according to our own agendas. As sinners who are prone to follow our own “devices and desires,” we need the wise counsel of God’s Word, faithful parents, and godly mentors to help us cultivate a relationship with Jesus.
While Margaret’s parents certainly don’t need to have all the answers for Margaret’s big questions about God and faith (who does?), they would have done well to model for Margaret how doubt, frustration, and confusion are an essential component of faith.
Carolyn:
I completely agree that disciplining our children in the faith is not about having all the answers, but I’m not quite as understanding of the parents as you are, Rebecca, perhaps because they reminded me of how I was raised. I get why their childhood experiences with religion, not faith, made them hesitant to influence Margaret’s relationship with anything organized, but their lack of guidance happens primarily because they have no anchor of their own. My takeaway is that parents who nurture their own faith, for their own sake, provide something essential to their children. You know the analogy: airplane safety instructions always tell adults to get their own oxygen masks on before they take care of their children. Without their own ability to breathe, parents are unable to help their little ones.
I learned through my own stumbling as a parent with growing children that faith has a stronger foothold when it is valued and constantly discussed in the home. Yes, coming to faith is ultimately in God’s hands, but it sure helps when a child has it taught to her, when she is given her parents’ own example of a life in Christ. I was, like Margaret’s parents, more inclined to consider my relationship with Christ a private affair, following in the footsteps of my own parents who raised me in similar fashion.
Deuteronomy 6: 6 -7 says, “… these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
I love this imagery of the routine and the constancy of talking about our faith with our children. I find this open honest exchange between the parents and the children beautiful and potentially fruitful.
Rebecca:
Let’s talk about the more awkward component of the movie: female puberty. Mom, you made a good comment that “like a faith in Jesus, puberty is not something for a child to figure out on his or her own.” I was so thankful to have a Mom who walked me through what to expect with puberty and who wasn’t shocked when I came to you with my own Margaret-like issues.
More importantly, I am thankful I didn’t have to figure out my faith on my own like Margaret did. While there’s no guarantee faithful parenting will lead to children who follow Jesus, you prepared me to walk with Jesus just as well as you prepared me for the dreaded middle school years. Equally important, you took me to youth group and Bible studies where I was surrounded by older, more mature Christian men and women who weren’t my parents (and therefore I might have listened to just a bit more) who taught me more about Jesus and showed me how to walk with him. Margaret’s story has reminded me that my parents’ intentional discipleship is not a gift that should be taken for granted.
Carolyn:
It is so wonderful to hear that, daughter. I remember that I rarely felt like I was getting it right as a parent, but we were blessed by a wonderful church village. I looked to other Christian parents for inspiration and encouragement, and no one stands on a higher pedestal to me than your youth ministers. Where your dad and I were lacking, we had the Body of Christ to carry you along in your own developing walk with Christ.
Which brings me back to Margaret, who had silence from her parents and a very incomplete depiction of both Christianity and Judaism from her grandparents. I confess that I bristled at the depiction of her Christian grandparents’ faith as judgmental, harsh, and lacking in love, and I wonder what my Jewish friends think about the stereotypical depiction of her Jewish grandmother, wonderfully acted by Kathy Bates.
I have been silent, even with the people I love the most, when I thought it was the polite, least offensive way to be with them. When it comes to our children, our silence only creates confusion, and in Margaret’s case, leads her to trying to determine God on her own.
Rebecca:
That’s a good point. It’s clear, like you point out, that Margaret’s parents had religion, not faith. Interestingly enough, I would argue that Margaret demonstrates the most faith out of anyone in the movie. Her tumultuous preteen years drive her to cry out to God in prayer. Is this not what he desires for all of his children? A relationship of dependence and desperation in which we bring all our messy and honest thoughts before the throne of God? Margaret has to learn the hard way that God doesn’t always answer our prayers in the way or in the time we want. What Margaret has yet to discover, however, is that God’s Word assures us that our Father God will always provide for us in exactly the ways we need.
Carolyn:
Well said, Rebecca! I do love the raw, honest appeals Margaret makes to God. She is not too far off from the Psalms of David, just without knowing the majesty and abiding love of the true God to whom she is pouring out her prayers.
I must give a shout out to Margaret’s mother when she totally comes through for her daughter when Margaret finally gets her first period. Far from being silent, the mom is with her daughter, sharing her own wisdom and experience, and there to bring Margaret into the fold of womanhood. It’s a lovely picture of parenting, and in my estimation, an important moment all parents hope to get right. So how much more important it is to be with our children, leading the way, teaching them the good news of a life lived securely in Christ.
Interested in family discipleship? Check out our courses for parents on Rooted Reservoir.
