During my junior year in high school, a mentor in my youth group passed away after a long battle with cancer. He was only in his late 20’s. He was my hyung, a Korean word for “older brother” that communicates deep affection, respect, and honor. Despite his battle with cancer, he loved widely, cared deeply, served faithfully, and enjoyed life with intentionality and grace.
It was the first time I had faced grief of that magnitude. I experienced a range of emotions: anger, helplessness, and confusion to name a few.
Growing up in an Asian American immigrant home did not prepare me well to handle such difficult emotions. Conversations around the dinner table about struggles, burdens, and weighty matters of the heart were almost non-existent. Even in the Asian American immigrant church in which I grew up, others perceived my struggles as a burden that brought shame upon my family. The narrative I internalized growing up was hold it in and don’t burden others with your problems. I didn’t know how to clearly articulate and process all that I was thinking and feeling.
Soon after my hyung’s funeral service, my youth group gathered for a night of praise and prayer. We sang about a God who is near, personal, and good. But that night, God felt totally distant and irrelevant. It was hard to stomach. I quietly slipped out through the back and sat on the floor outside of the room. A few minutes later, my youth pastor followed me outside. She sat next to me on that cold linoleum floor and gently put her arms around me. She didn’t say a word. I didn’t know it then, but that was a holy moment. I felt as though my grief mattered.
The Sufficiency of the Gospel
After 20-plus years of fumbling and stumbling through Christian life and ministry, that memory is one that makes the gospel so beautiful and the ministry of the local church so compelling. This experience in youth group taught me the importance of proclaiming the sufficiency of the gospel to Asian American teenagers in every season of life.
We need to show our Asian American students that because of the gospel, it’s okay to not be okay. The gospel is big enough to hold them in their grief, sorrow, pain, and confusion. The gospel has room for their doubts, fears, and worries. The gospel has space for their anger, frustration, and unbelief. The gospel doesn’t need to offer them easy answers, because Jesus is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and beautiful enough for the journey. We need to remind our Asian American sisters and brothers that they can take their brokenness to Jesus because he perfectly understands it all.
Courageously Vulnerable
One of the greatest gifts we can offer to our students growing up in Asian American homes and churches is to give them permission to be okay with not being okay. Our students have learned to prioritize the idols of performance, success, and reputation. What matters most is how well they perform, how much they accomplish, and how they size up to those around them. These are what bring honor to their family and the community around them.
Often in the Asian American church, we perceive vulnerability as a sign of weakness; a liability that needs to be suppressed and covered up. Often, our Asian American sisters and brothers have forgotten that some of the deepest and most enduring transformations happen when we are humbly honest and courageously vulnerable with all that is broken within and around us.
It is essential for us as youth leaders to teach, model, and remind our students that Jesus cares far more about their being than their doing. He will never be surprised, annoyed, and ashamed of the weighty matters of their hearts.
The writer of Hebrews says, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 6:4).
The Compassion of Jesus
More often than not, we receive God’s mercy and grace in our time of need through the presence and ministry of a loving and steadfast Christian community. God doesn’t impersonally zap us with mercy, grace, and strength from afar. He draws near. He makes his presence known and felt through the hands and feet of those who know him.
Our Asian American students need us to lead with our own stories of brokenness and how Jesus meets us there. They need to see us move toward them with curiosity and compassion without a ‘to-do’ list. Our students need to hear us be vulnerable with our doubts and fears while we cling to the hope of the gospel.
This is precisely what God did over 2000 years ago in the Person and work of his beloved Son Jesus. Jesus entered our world of brokenness to live among sinners and sufferers. Jesus was a man of sorrows, intimately familiar with our grief (Isa. 53:3). On the cross, Jesus bore the full weight of the curse of sin and brokenness, and he died the death that would ultimately reverse the curse of death itself.
His glorious resurrection guarantees that one day, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4). And now, his living presence with us by his Spirit assures us that he is continually at work in bringing forth beauty from ashes, order from chaos, and life from death. Therefore, our students can have sufficient comfort and patient hope that Jesus will always be enough on their best days, and especially on their worst days.
Roots to Anchor
For our Asian American students, the gospel has the power to free them from the pressure to perform. The gospel has roots to anchor our students in the messiness and uncertainties of life with the assurance that Jesus is with them and for them. The gospel gives them permission and safety to be okay with not being okay.
Fellow youth leaders who labor in Asian American contexts, as we experience the grip of the gospel in our pain, sorrow, and confusion, may we humbly and courageously move toward our students and the stories they have to tell with curiosity, compassion, and conviction.
Curiosity because all sinners and sufferers desire to be known and loved by the One who knows them the best and loves them the most.
Compassion because life is messy and stories are complex, and yet our Savior Jesus is unashamedly merciful and gracious.
Conviction because we have an enduring hope that God is always in the work of redeeming, restoring, and renewing all things for his glory, for our joy, and for the good of the world around us.
May we adorn the truth, beauty, and wisdom of the gospel in our brokenness so that our students will find rest and comfort in knowing Jesus who walks with them.
If you’re interested in learning more about gospel-centered youth ministry, we hope you’ll consider joining us for our 2024 Rooted Conference in Dallas, TX.
